Maternal grandparents ask single dad to let his 9 and 11-year-olds stay with them for Christmas so the kids can bond with their 4-year-old half-sister born to the mother that abandoned them: 'My kids have told them they don't care about their half sister'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Dec 21, 2024 8:00 PM EST

When you're an adult with blinders on, you can often forget what it's like for kids to develop relationships with strange, unfamiliar people. No kid is going to build a deep, lifelong bond with somebody they've only met once or twice out of familial obligation. It's one thing to have a large family that sees each other only occasionally but has a lot of love for each other when they do. But making a kid hang out with family members that you, as their parents, would rather not see yourself will always have awkward and unhappy conclusions. Kids are not stupid, and they can tell when there are adult tensions that are present but unsaid. That's why it's best to protect them from nefarious uncles, reckless grandmas, and deadbeat parents who don't care to talk to them on the non-Christmas 365 (2024 is a Leap Year) days of the year.

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10444799488
    via Izzy Park

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    AITA for not going above and beyond to make sure my kids see their half sister and not even making sure they get to see her at Christmas?
    via North_Warthog7477
  • 03
    I (30M) have two kids (11F & 9M) with my ex Charlotte (30F) and I have full physical and legal custody of them. We had our kids young and so we did struggle, but Charlotte struggled worse and she regretted having the kids within a month of our son's birth
    via North_Warthog7477
  • 04
    and arguably she regretted having our daughter at the time too. But she spoke up when our son was born and she asked for time to find herself. But when she was free from parental responsibilities she didn't want to come back.
    via North_Warthog7477
  • 05
    I got primary custody of our kids from the jump. She had a generous visitation schedule for a parent who admitted she didn't really want the kids. But the judge at the time was unwilling to give the mom just every other weekend, and so she got three weeks a month and four dinners during the week (Wednesday).
    via North_Warthog7477
  • 06
    She never took Wednesday's and for a while she took one weekend a month but sometimes she'd go months without seeing them. The judge wouldn't change the time he gave her because she was mom, even with over a year of failing to take all her parenting time. Charlotte's family wanted to see the kids and we got along okay-ish, so I always let them see the kids.
    via North_Warthog7477
  • 07
    Things changed with Charlotte. when she met her husband "Rob". He wanted the kids. He wanted to be my kids' dad. They tried to get more custody after the wedding. They literally filed on their wedding day thinking the marriage made a big difference. Rob would tell me the kids called him dad now and my kids would say they didn't. He'd tell me I was getting between him and the
    via North_Warthog7477
  • 08
    kids, would accuse me of telling the kids not to call him dad. They jerked away from him whenever he went to reach for them. I asked if he ever hurt them and they said no, just that he was always trying to make them stand next to him or walk with him and they didn't like it. I documented each incident and spoke to my lawyer. I also recorded an incident where he was scolding the kids for calling him by his
    via North_Warthog7477
  • 09
    Iname in front of me and for trying to come over and hug me saying it was their time with the kids and they didn't need to be near me (this was at an extra curricular function). When the custody evaluation happened I presented all the evidence, a GAL was provided and by the time I was given full physical and legal
    via North_Warthog7477
  • 10
    custody, Rob was done with my kids because they wouldn't be his. A switch flipped from they're mine and f...... off to take them and get them out of my sight. Charlotte seemed relieved to have the kids be back with me all the time.
    via North_Warthog7477
  • 11
    Following the end of the custody eval I heard Charlotte was pregnant and 10 months after the court date Charlotte and Rob had a daughter. My kids saw her 3 times. She's 4 now. Charlotte doesn't have any contact with our kids now. However her family still sees them.
    via North_Warthog7477
  • 12
    Charlotte's parents and siblings have complained that I don't facilitate a relationship with my kids and their half sister. They told me I should be going above and beyond to make sure they grow up loving each other and that my kids have told them they don't care about their half sister. I asked why it came up and they said they asked because my kids never talk about her, and they
    via North_Warthog7477
  • 13
    said they asked because my kids never talk about her, and they said it was my fault. Charlotte's parents have decided from now on they'll host Christmas for their entire family and they want me to send my kids to them on Christmas Day so they can be with their half sister. I said no.
    via North_Warthog7477
  • 14
    They said this is how they see her at Christmas at least and form a relationship. I told them I will not send the kids away from their one active parent at Christmas to be ignored by the other and have a 4 year old pushed onto them by the extended family.
    via North_Warthog7477
  • 15
    Charlotte's parents didn't like this and accused me of being a petty dad who only cares about his bloodline and not valuing the relationship between half siblings when the half isn't my half. They told me I should do what's best for the kids and not me. AITA?
    via North_Warthog7477
  • 16
    stardustmaster • 6h ago • NTA. You are prioritizing your children's comfort and emotional well-being, which is your primary responsibility as their parent. It's important for relationships between siblings to develop naturally and not be forced, especially in complex family dynamics like yours. Your decision to keep the kids with you during Christmas, a significant time for family bonding, is entirely reasonable. Charlotte's family's expectations for you to facilitate a relationship under these
    via stardustmaster
  • 17
    NadiaNebula • 6h ago • Facts! You have already gone above and beyond by allowing Charlotte's family to maintain a relationship with your children. You are not obligated to further facilitate a relationship with their half-sister, especially under these circumstances.
    via NadiaNebula
  • 18
    EnvironmentOk5610 • 4h ago • NTA. These grandparents are deep in denial: THEIR daughter, a person THEY RAISED, ran out on her & OP's kids and never really 'came back' to be a stable or positive presence in those kids' lives. It's THEIR (the grandparents') DAUGHTER'S actions that have resulted in OP's kids not spending time with these grandparents' new grandchild...yet YOU, OP, and your kids should trade a great, special day with each other for you sitting home alone while your children run a gau
    via EnvironmentOk5610
  • 19
    Deluded grandparents need to reflect on how they failed when raising their daughter & need to put the blame for the current situation where it belongs--on their daughter! Sounds like they're incapable of admitting to themselves that their daughter is a terrible mom to your kids, so it's unlikely they'll ever come around to reality.
    via EnvironmentOk5610
  • 20
    United-Manner20 NTA it has nothing to do with the half sister. It has to do with them understanding that their mother abandoned them. She chose to have another child, but still chose to not be involved with them. Why would they want to spend their Christmas seeing her parent when she never did it with them? It doesn't matter what her family wants, it sounds like they're excusing her actions. Do whatever your kids want. What they want is literally the only thing that matters. They owe them absolu
    via United-Manner20
  • 21
    Dangerous_Ant3260 I agree. Why punish the older kids by ruining their Christmas so they can have a kid they really don't know forced on them. What would a 4 year old have in common with the older kids anyway?
    via Dangerous_Ant3260
  • 22
    In OP's place, unless the older kids want to keep seeing the maternal relatives, I wouldn't send them. I'm guessing that side of the family are shoving their opinions on the kids, and pressuring them to be siblings with their deadbeat mother's do over kid.
    via Dangerous_Ant3260
  • 23
    Bitter_Trees NTA. Maybe the maternal grandparents should talk to their deadbeat daughter about why SHE isn't helping to facilitate a relationship between the siblings. And why she abandoned them in the first place.
    via Bitter_Trees
  • 24
    Poppy-Red Come on, they don't want to acknowledge their daughter failed her children, she's a deadbeat parent. No. It has to be OP's fault, it's easier that way.
    via Poppy-Red
  • 25
    roseofjuly That was exactly my take. They know their daughter is trash so they're trying to force the relationship through dad so they can assuage their own guilt.
    via roseofjuly
  • 26
    Practical_Bat_2179 She doesn't want the kids at all and that for sure breaks the kid's hearts, imagine having to deal with another kid that your mom apparently loves and takes care of because she doesn't run away this time.
    via Practical_Bat_2179
  • 27
    toastedink This right here. This is Charlotte's fault. And the kids don't want to go hang out with their mom, who didn't want to be a mother to them, but now all of a sudden wants to be a mother to their half sister.
    via toastedink
  • 28
    I feel bad for all the children involved. Truth be told, Charlotte probably doesn't want their half sister either, but is playing along for her current husband's sake. (Oh, and NTA)
    via toastedink
  • 29
    fair-strawberry6709 NTA. They are being the selfish ones. It's really rich that they want to claim that it's "best for the kids" to be away from their safe and involved parent for a major holiday. Absolutely not. You only need to go above and beyond for your own children. If they have no interest in being siblings with the 4 year old, you have zero obligation to facilitate anything.
    via fair-strawberry6709
  • 30
    North_Warthog7477 OP I think so too. Especially when it would lead to them being ignored by their mom and outright berated by Rob.
    via North_Warthog7477
  • 31
    fair-strawberry6709 Yeah that sounds like an awful Christmas for the kids. You seem like a wonderful and protective dad. Keep doing what you are doing. Parenting is hard and single parenting is even harder. You're doing a great job!
    via fair-strawberry6709

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Tags

single dad family drama deadbeat bad parenting grandma half sister bad parents parenting dad Grandpa family grandparents mom parents Parenting FAILS
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