'I told her she's a horrible mother': Aunt calls out mom in the family group chat for constantly favoring her 15-year-old juvenile delinquent son over her often-forgotten 13-year-old son

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Dec 22, 2024 8:00 PM EST

Favoritism between siblings isn't always blatant. Sometimes, a parent secretly has a favorite child but tries to hide that as much as possible to ensure all of their children get the same amount of love and support. Other times, favoritism manifests as authoritative parenting for the older sibling and permissive parenting for the much younger sibling, or paying for their older child's college while leaving the younger one without a cent for their education. 

This story is one of those times when favoritism was blatant to anybody who paid attention. The aunt of 2 teenage boys recently started being more involved in their lives and quickly realized that the younger of the two is not particularly prioritized by his mother. She suspects that this is because he was the result of an affair that broke up her relationship with the father of her older son, which is a more common cause of favoritism than you might think. 

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    Cheezburger Image 10444916224
    via Ralf Knüfer

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    AITA for telling my sister she's a mother in the family group chat?
    via u/WorriedAuntiee
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    My sister "Sara" (35) and I (30F) see each other around Christmas every year, other than that we don't really communicate except for the occasional family group chat exchange. She has 2 sons, Jackson (15) and Ethan (13). I've
    via u/WorriedAuntiee
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    always known that Ethan is quiet and reserved, and until recently I thought he preferred to not have a lot of attention, until I realized he's just not getting any.
    via u/WorriedAuntiee
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    Until last Christmas, I thought Jackson and Ethan had the same dad. I learned Jackson's dad left Sara after she cheated on him, hence, Ethan. I recently realized that Sara would reach out in the chat on behalf of Jackson. If he had a sports game, doing a fundraiser, had a social event to attend, she would ask us to attend, donate, or help him get
    via u/WorriedAuntiee
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    to/from his social event if she couldn't take him. Or if he was suspended from school, she would reach out to us for help, but RARELY would we hear anything about Ethan, and she NEVER told us that Jackson was suspended 99% of the time for bu ying Ethan and his friends. They now go to separate schools!
    via u/WorriedAuntiee
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    Recently Sara asked if someone could take Ethan to his school choir concert so she could attend parent conferences at Jackson's school. Odd to me because she didn't ask anyone to go watch him perform, but I gave her the benefit of the doubt and thought maybe Ethan didn't want anyone
    via u/WorriedAuntiee
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    to watch. I offered to take him, watch the concert if he wanted me to, and take him home. He had a solo, he was smiling and clearly loved what he was doing. His choir director said Ethan is always helping other students and asked me to come to more concerts.
    via u/WorriedAuntiee
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    Some time after, Sara was once again busy at Driver's Ed with Jackson and Ethan was home. He started vomiting and called his mom. She reached out and asked if anyone else could go take care of him until she got home, so I did. But she didn't come home early. Two weeks later (two weeks ago from now) he broke his hand.
    via u/WorriedAuntiee
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    Last weekend I bought tickets to the symphony and planned to take him, but wound up not being able to because I was sick. I transferred the tickets to his mom and begged her to take him and she said she would. I texted Ethan yesterday and asked how he liked it but he didn't respond. So I called his mom.
    via u/WorriedAuntiee
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    She didn't take him and didn't find anyone else to. She was "busy" and forgot, but wasn't too busy to ask the family group chat THE DAY OF THE CONCERT if anyone would help pay for Jackson's DC trip in the spring. I went off on her in the family group chat and said she is being
    via u/WorriedAuntiee
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    a mother. I said I don't know if it's because she inherited the favoritism gene from our parents or if she is subconsciously punishing him because SHE cheated and got rightfully dumped, and I told her that she needs to step up for her son.
    via u/WorriedAuntiee
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    Of course this has caused a group chat storm. At first I felt justified, but some of the responses say otherwise, and Sara of course says I'm the biggest AH. AITA for calling her out in front of the rest of the family?
    via u/WorriedAuntiee
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    volumeoforgottenlore You're 100% justified...but that might be something you should send her in private messages...and gossip with everyone else on the side to get them on your side first. People in families are often biased against anything that disturbs the peace. A lot of people prefer an easy peace to justice.
    via u/volumeoforgottenlore
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    WorriedAuntiee OP I hear you, and thank you for the feedback. I'm also angry at them because they fill in for Jackson very easily, but the two times that she's asked for help with Ethan, they're silent. She needs more calling out in my opinion but the rest of them aren't far behind. I feel kind of bad that she's the only one I really called out but I was also fuming about the concert.
    via u/WorriedAuntiee
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    auberrypearl Ethan deserves more attention and love. She and your family are being for sure. I'm sure it meant a lot to him that you were there for his choir performance.
    via u/auberrypearl
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    thrwwythwhlprsn • 18h ago • Ppl like OPs sister will only change thru public shaming tbh. Op, NTA. stand your ground.
    via u/thrwwythwhlprsn
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    Humble_Guidance_6942 • 19h ago • A h le Enthusiast [5] NTA. People like your sister aren't going to respond or care about your deserved criticism of her. The most helpful thing that you can do is be there for Ethan. Having someone who cares can be a lifeline for lonely kids like him. Please stay in his life.
    via u/Humble_Guidance_6942
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    WorriedAuntiee OP 19h ago. I feel horrible for not being more in his life until now, and I've already broken his trust with the concert.
    via u/WorriedAuntiee
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    Humble_Guidance_6942 • 19h ago • A_h_le Enthusiast [5] So apologize. You can only do better with the information you know. What do your parents say about this? Focus on Ethan. Guilt is a waste of time. Just focus on loving that kid.
    via u/Humble_Guidance_6942
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    Worried Auntiee OP • 19h ago • Our dad understands my point of view but thinks all Sara needs to do is pay me back for the tickets and "it will all be okay." He thinks that's what I'm mad about.
    via u/WorriedAuntiee
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    Our mom has just justified Sara saying she's so busy and forgetting things from time to time is okay. She says she's "a wonderful mother and loves her boys equally." Maybe so, but she's not acting like it.
    via u/WorriedAuntiee
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    Ok_Significance9018 • 19h ago Kids don't need equality ie the identical treatment they need equity which means they get what they need to prosper and grow and feel safe and security. Your sister is a grade A numpty
    via u/Ok_Significance9018
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    sillygoose3001 • 19h ago • NTA. You seem to be the only shining light in that kid's life, go auntie!!! mom needs a reality check.
    via u/sillygoose3001
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    WorriedAuntiee OP • 19h ago Thankfully he also has his choir director, who he absolutely adores. And rightfully so. My short talk with him let me know he's an awesome teacher.
    via u/WorriedAuntiee
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    CarryOk3080 •19h ago • Nta. Can you see if Ethan wants to live with you and sister and his equally everyone go NC with your awful brother? Or else call CPS and have this investigated. Did Ethan break his hand or did Jackson break his hand and Sarah is covering it up. Someone needs to be on ETHANS SIDE
    via u/CarryOk3080
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    WorriedAuntiee OP • 3h ago • Edited 2h ago · That was part of the discussion this morning because no one but me even knew he had gotten hurt. There's a ring video of him slipping on the porch stairs on some ice but he complained to the school nurse about his hand days later. She thinks that's when it happened.
    via u/WorriedAuntiee
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    CarryOk3080 • 3h ago • Now that you are in the know about Ethan's life you need to do better. Be there for him and help him out of this mess his mother created of his life. The poor kid couldn't even get medical attention without telling the school. He gets forgotten about so often he doesn't know how to ask for help. But he has been reaching out to you and you ignored him too by "forgetting" to text back. Would your sister fight you on taking custody of Ethan? Or does she need him as a verbal p
    via u/CarryOk3080
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    WorriedAuntiee OP 1h ago Sorry. Commenting again now that I've gotten to watch the ring video she sent. He's coming home from school and falls backward off the porch. A neighbor (I assume) asks if he's okay and he says yes but you can tell he's hurt. Then he sits on the porch for a few minutes before going inside. I am fully convinced it was that fall. But it's still horrible he didn't tell anyone until 2 days later.
    via u/WorriedAuntiee
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    StAlvis 19h ago • Gal tic Overlord [2109] INFO Had you broached this topic with her privately before? Or is the first she's hearing about this in a group chat?
    via u/StAlvis
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    WorriedAuntiee OP • 19h ago After the concert I told her how great he did and asked why she doesn't tell us about them, and she said she forgets. I told her that was probably really hurtful for E. And I did tell her I thought it she didn't leave the driver's ed class with Jackson when Ethan was puking every 30 minutes for 2 hours. was Does that count? If so, yes I have, if not, no I haven't.
    via u/WorriedAuntiee

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nephews family drama mother crazy things parents say teenagers parenting raising teens aunt family group chat mom nephew Parenting Fail parents Parenting FAILS
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