'All the siblings got checks for $350, so I don't think a card was too much of an expectation': Girlfriend of 3 years buys Christmas gifts for all of her boyfriend's family members, his family doesn't get her a single gift for the 2nd year in a row

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Dec 26, 2024 4:00 PM EST

Complaining about not getting presents always feels a little bit wrong, even when you're in the right. You've always got the idea that nobody is entitled to presents running through your head, not to mention the training your parents gave you in childhood to always show gratitude for a gift no matter if you hate it, already have it, or couldn't care less about it. But there's a big difference between not receiving the gift you want and not receiving any when the people around you get oodles of gifts. Not to mention, it's hard to accept that nobody got you a gift when you got everybody else an incredibly thoughtful present. The woman at the center of this story has been dealing with the disappointment of not getting any Christmas gifts from her boyfriend's family for the 2nd year in a row, and she took to Reddit to ask if she was overreacting. 

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10447361792
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    AIO? Spent Christmas with my BF's family and didn't receive a single gift.
    via u/Hungry_Temperature63
  • 03
    My (f28) bf (m31) and I have been together for 3 years. I've spent a lot of time with his family, have been more than generous on the occasional birthday or holiday. I thought we had a good relationship overall but I guess I was wrong.
    via u/Hungry_Temperature63
  • 04
    They invited me over for Christmas, our second Christmas spent together as a "family". Not a single family member gave me a present or even a card. I spent months planning and wrapping the perfect gift for each member.
    via u/Hungry_Temperature63
  • 05
    Spent hours shopping and wrapping. I sat and watched them all open gifts and even stockings for each other, even their family dog had presents (and a stocking). This is the second time this has happened.
    via u/Hungry_Temperature63
  • 06
    It's not that I was expecting anything, I didn't need an expensive gift. That being said they are pretty well off, it's not a financial issue. But not even a card? After three years I was expecting at least a card. It breaks my heart because they are the only family I have since my own family live very far away. I cried when I got home.
    via u/Hungry_Temperature63
  • 07
    EDIT: Thank you everyone for responding. It definitely made me feel less crazy. I've tried to respond to as many as I could. So some questions to answer;
    via u/Hungry_Temperature63
  • 08
    No, I don't know their financial situation; However, all the siblings got cheques for $350. So I really don't think a card was too much of an expectation.
    via u/Hungry_Temperature63
  • 09
    Yes I'm a grown adult and not entitled to a present; This was an all adult Christmas gathering, there were no children. I was not expecting someone else to create a meaningful Christmas experience for me. It's the basic etiquette that was the main issue for me.
    via u/Hungry_Temperature63
  • 10
    Am I breaking up with my bf? Do I blame him?; No I'm not breaking up with my boyfriend because Christmas didn't go the way I was expecting it to. Overall, if my bf was to blame it would be for a miscommunication and awkward
    via u/Hungry_Temperature63
  • 11
    situation he didn't handle the best. We've talked it out and are working out a solution that works for both of us. He tried his best to make the day special for me, got me some lovely gifts, and there. was still lots of time tonight to make up for it.
    via u/Hungry_Temperature63
  • 12
    Do I think my in laws are terrible people?; I don't think they are bad people, I think what happened was unfortunate. Whether I was intentionally left out or forgotten about doesn't really matter. I know now that our relationship is a lot more distant and that's something we can mend in time.
    via u/Hungry_Temperature63
  • 13
    Going forward I won't be spending Christmas with them again for a long time and will prioritize spending time with my friends and making the long trip to see family. Thank you for everyone's response and kind words. I appreciate you all and Happy Holidays!
    via u/Hungry_Temperature63
  • 14
    Aussiealterego • 18h ago Crystal meth is not a salad dressing NOR. My daughter brought over her bf of three months. I bought him a carefully tailored gift that tied in to his hobbies, included him with a "joke" family gift that I buy everyone each year, and had enough stocking stuffers that he had a small pile to leave with. He told me he felt very included. It's common courtesy. Your bf's family are being deliberately ride. It's a slap in the face.
    via u/Aussiealterego
  • 15
    Prestigious_Tea_111 • 16h ago • Her BF is just as bad for allowing it.
    via u/Prestigious_Tea_111
  • 16
    StarryPeachPie Exactly. Three years is a long time to be consistently excluded like that. It's not about the cost of a gift; it's about basic respect and acknowledgment. They're being deliberately ride and dismissive. It's a major red flag about their character and how they view her. She deserves better than this. Her boyfriend should be ashamed of his family's behavior. She needs to seriously consider if this relationship is worth the constant emotional distress. It's not her fault; they're the
    via u/StarryPeachPie
  • 17
    Overall-Schedule9163 Yeahhhhh that's fed. Me and my fiance have been together a little over 3 years and my family ALWAYS gets her things for Christmas and her birthday
    via u/Overall-Schedule9163
  • 18
    Negative-Struggle924 Yeah, that's messed up. After 3 years, you'd think they'd at least make an effort, especially since you've been so generous.
    via u/Negative-Struggle924
  • 19
    BillXHicksOGT NOR. And if they opened all your gifts and were all happy and thankful, they should be ashamed of themselves. Only way this isn't correct is if the boyfriend's presents were presents to be used by both of you and outlandish expensive. What did your boyfriend get?
    via u/BillXHicksOGT
  • 20
    Hungry_Temperature63 OP My boyfriend got a bunch of gifts just for him. His mom mentioned afterwards that the groceries she bought us (about $50) was supposed to be my gift.
    via u/Hungry_Temperature63

  • That's just pathetic. How hard is it to get someone a gift they can actually unwrap with everybody else? It's as if they're deliberately saying that she's not welcome as a member of the family. 

  • 21
    you2234 • 18h ago • Stop buying them ANYTHING- and stop hanging with low character people- it's your choice
    via u/you2234
  • 22
    LessLikelyTo Never buy these people nor put thought into a gift again. If you marry him, make it clear it's up to him to do anything that has to do with his family. That's a BIG IF - you deserve better
    via u/LessLikelyTo
  • 23
    XplodingFairyDust If this isn't a money thing they don't value you. If this is the second year it's happened then your bf doesn't value you because that is absolutely terrible behaviour and he didn't set them straight the first time.
    via u/XplodingFairyDust

  • Once is an instance, but twice is a hobby.

  • 24
    Claim-Unlucky Groceries were supposed to be your gift? ?
    via u/Claim-Unlucky
  • 25
    Hungry_Temperature63 OP It's not that I'm not grateful but like she just dropped them off and didn't say anything.
    via u/Hungry_Temperature63
  • 26
    themedialies Does your boyfriend not eat and benefit from those groceries too? So YOUR gift is for both of you, but HIS gift is for just him? Did they say anything or seem to be slightly embarrassed about opening gifts from you when they had nothing to offer in return? They're being deliberately
    via u/themedialies
  • 27
    Standard-Dust-4075 • 17h ago Your boyfriend is a huge part of this problem OP. He has seen you being repeatedly disrespected by his family and does nothing. A half-hearted conversation with his mother counts for nothing. Know your worth. Never give a single member of this family a gift again for any occasion. I would seriously limit the amount of time I spend with them and re-evaluate your relationship with your boyfriend as well. Are you going to settle for a man who will never have your back?
    via u/Standard-Dust-4075
  • 28
    prairypuck If you were both really young, I don't think it would have been as wrong. But the 3-year gf of a 31yo is definitely a significant relationship that seems deserving of at least putting a bow on the dusty candle you've had sitting in the closet for years. At least it's something...
    via u/prairypuck

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boyfriend christmas family drama relationship gifts presents present gift relationships christmas presents cards girlfriend in laws mother in law family card
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