Parents make daughter buy family's groceries since age 12, dad refuses to contribute and weaponizes incompetence when forced to: 'Your parents are terrible. Both of them'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Dec 27, 2024 4:00 PM EST

Grocery shopping is a pretty simple task. You identify what you need, find it at the store, and try to find good deals when doing so. It's really that easy. Sure, you might feel overwhelmed by all the choices, or unsure of how much to buy for yourself and your family, but it's not rocket science. And if for some reason it feels totally impossible for you, there are services at the ready for people like you (e.g. Instacart, Hello Fresh, Factor, etc.) What certainly isn't helpful is pretending like you're bad at grocery shopping, so you'll get out of it next time someone asks you. 

But that's exactly what this dad did, to his daughter who has been pulling more than her fair share for quite a long time. And when she finally got him to help her out, he pulled a classic weaponized incompetence move. Read on for the story and see what you think. 

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    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    AITA for telling my mom about my dads weaponized incompetence?
    via u/Genderthief
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    I (18F) do all the shopping in the house. Its been my job since I was like 12. My dad hates going shopping so i never ask him. For Christmas, i am cooking. I had a very specific grocery list because im making things that i havent made before. My parents didn't let me go shopping yesterday so I had
    via u/Genderthief
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    to go today. My dad said he would grab certain things to help me out and i said okay. I gave him a list. I really needed chicken thighs and blocks of cheese. He came home with ground chicken and only mozzarella cheese thats pre shredded.
    via u/Genderthief
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    I told my mom about it because this isn't the first time hes done this and its made me upset. She got mad at me for being upset with him because we never ask him for anything. I have asked him multiple times to get things for me and he either gets the wrong thing, doesn't get anything i need or complains.
    via u/Genderthief
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    For example, i wanted to go shopping before my wisdom tooth removal. I had a list of things with pictures because he said he could grab it and certain brands make me sick. He got 4/20 things on the list and said everything else was not necessary. He went with my money and said that.
    via u/Genderthief
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    Now my moms upset with me because she is in debt from always buying stuff for the house. But the whole reason that's happened is because of my dads weaponized incompetence. So am i the A h_le for being mad at me dad and telling my mom?
    via u/Genderthief
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    TL;DR Dad got the wrong things at the store after getting a list with pictures. Im mad because it has happened multiple times. And mom is made because i told her.
    via u/Genderthief
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    • AddressPowerful... 2d ago. NTA. You have been doing the grocery shopping since you were 12?! While this isn't a bad skill why aren't your parents involved? Why is your mom allowing your dad to be completely incompetent on this? You gave him your
    via u/AddressPowerful516
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    money and did he even give any back? You'd be better off getting an insta cart shopper at this point or doing a curbside pickup. Make some crop meal and when asked just say it's what Dad got, despite the very detailed list he was given.
    via u/AddressPowerful516
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    WhereWeretheA... 2d ago. • NTA. You have been shopping for the house since you were 12? Wow, your parents are terrible. Both of them. Dad may be weaponizing his incompetence, mom just straight up dumped her adult responsibilities on a 12 year old.
    via u/WhereWeretheAdults
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    00 Genderthief OP.2d ago • i should have clarified that it was shopping with parental supervision till i was like 15, its mainly my dad because my mom works till 11pm from 8am most days. Im not defending her, just wanted to clarify
    via u/Genderthief
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    Outrageous_Yak... 2d ago • Make the recipe with the ground chicken and serve the resulting mess to your dad for dinner
    via u/Outrageous_Yak_3983
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    MassivePlatypus... • 2d ago NTA and the only way for you to actually solve your problem is to kick up a big fuss and get both your parents to get mad plus feel shame. Your dad for being a lazy a hole and your mom for being an enabler.
    via u/MassivePlatypuss69
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    Your parents are banking on this blowing over so they can continue coasting by to make you do the work.
    via u/MassivePlatypuss69
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    LifeAsksAITA • 2d ago Info: why is your mom in debt for always buying things for the house? Even if your dad can't shop, shouldn't she be using the joint account? You mentioned that she is specifically in debt.
    via u/LifeAsksAITA
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    00 Genderthief OP.2d ago • they have separate finances because they are separated currently, their joint account is for bills only
    via u/Genderthief
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    Oddly-Appeased 2d ago. Hate to point out but groceries are bills or at least joint household expenses, especially when children are involved.
    via u/Oddly-Appeased
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    Electronic_Menu... I can't be sure if it's • 2d ago • weaponized incompetence or straight up incompetence, but either way NTA for getting frustrated by it or expressing you're suspecting he does it on purpose.
    via u/Electronic_Menu_6937
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    MidiReader 2d ago • NTA, and in future he does not get a penny until he delivers. And if it's not the right stuff, oh well, not your problem
    via u/MidiReader
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    AwaySecret6609 2d ago • ESH You all know that there are a lot of grocery stores that do the shopping for you. All you have to do is drive up and pick it up, right? I know Walmart and several other bigger stores offer that service. Heck, a lot of them
    via u/AwaySecret6609
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    do delivery as well. If you believe that your father is weaponizing incompetence (which is a phrase I absolutely hate), then there is a clear work around for that situation. If you need specific items, then you order them online, pay, and all he has to do is pick them up.
    via u/AwaySecret6609
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    00 Genderthief OP.2d ago • in our area, we dont have that, we have instacart but they get everything that's bruised or too close to expiration
    via u/Genderthief
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    Anxious_Lavishness24 • 2d ago. Sounds like my parents - my mother hates grocery shopping so sends him instead. He buys a random assortment of things he likes, then she complains the whole time unpacking the bags. Then they repeat the same process a week later. So much easier to stay out of their psycho mess.
    via u/Anxious_Lavishness24

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childcare teens aita kids weaponized incompetence teenagers moms parenting dad incompetence cute kids reddit thread parent Reddit grocery shopping raising kids Parenting Fail parents children Parenting FAILS grocery store
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