Father refuses to pay for daughter’s wedding after finding out her fiancé mistreated his son in high school, despite his family urging him to: ‘My son may have forgotten but I haven’t’

Author image for Briana Viser
Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
Jan 3, 2025 12:00 PM EST

Welcome back ladies and gentlemen of the internet. Having children and being a parent means you want the best for your child. You want them to have a good life, make good friends, get a good job, and follow their passions. Knowing they're hurting hurts you too, and knowing they're in pain means you have to help them when they're down. Everyone knows how intense and unwarranted bullying is, and how much the effects can manifest on a person forever. Bullying is nothing to joke about, it's a serious problem. At the first signs of bullying, it must be addressed or stopped in some way. 

In this story, the protagonist is a man whose daughter is getting married. He finds out that her fiance is actually his son's high school bully! I have so many questions. First of all, while the two were dating no one in the family had met him? How did it get to the point that they're engaged but no one has met him. Secondly, the daughter in the story didn't know she was dating someone who tormented her brother? There are a lot of holes here, but the point is that the bully's past will come back to bite him.

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  • 01
    Now, my daughter is furious with me and claims I'm punishing her for something she had no part in. My wife thinks I should reconsider, but I feel like funding this wedding would betray my son.
    via omelnytskyi / Canva
  • 02
    r/AITAH ⚫ 16 hr. ago im4cagefreepizza AITA for refusing to pay for my daughter's wedding after finding out her fiancé used to bu y my son?
    via u/im4cagefreepizza

    Who else agrees with him? I think it's fair to hold this sort of grudge. No one likes to see their child in pain for any reason, and having to see your kid go home everyday in tears because of his or her classmates will effect him or her forever. My question is, how did this couple get to the point that they're engaged, yet no one in the family has met him? Suspicious…

  • 03
    I (50M) have two kids: my daughter (25F), who is getting married next year, and my son (23M), who came out as gay in high school. My son had a really rough time in school. He was bu ied relentlessly, and it took a toll on his mental health. He's doing much better now, but those years left scars.
    via u/im4cagefreepizza
  • 04
    Last month, my daughter introduced us to her fiancé (27M). I recognized him immediately as one of the kids who made my son's life h I. When I quietly brought it up to my son later, he confirmed it but told me not to make a big deal about it because he's "moved on."
    via u/im4cagefreepizza
  • 05
    Here's the thing: I haven't moved on. I can't stand the thought of helping pay for a wedding to someone who tormented my son. I told my daughter this, and she said her fiancé has changed and regrets his actions. She asked me to let it go for her sake. I said I'm
    via u/im4cagefreepizza
  • 06
    happy for her but that I can't, in good conscience, fund the wedding.
    via u/im4cagefreepizza
  • 07
    Now, my daughter is furious with me and claims I'm punishing her for something she had no part in. My wife thinks I should reconsider, but I feel like funding this wedding would betray my son.
    via u/im4cagefreepizza
  • 08
    My son is staying neutral and says he doesn't want to be the reason for family drama, but I can tell the situation is making him uncomfortable. My daughter says I'm ruining her big day and being petty. AITA?
    via u/im4cagefreepizza

    The son is very mature for staying neutral…I'm not sure I would be able to have the same stance as him. I might want my ex-bully to cough up the dough on his own. 

  • 09
    • 16h ago Edited 5h ago • Top 1% Commenter You met your daughter's fiancé for the first time after they got engaged? What's the rush to get married? If her fiancé has truly changed then he should be making amends to his future brother in law before the wedding,
    via u/__lavender
  • 10
    and he should be taking the time to integrate better into the family before the wedding.
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  • 11
    EDIT: y'all I am BEGGING you to stop commenting that this story is fake. I agree it's probably fake. You are at least the twelfth person to reply to my comment with "it's fake." My advice still stands. Stooooppppppp.
    via u/__lavender
  • 12
    Ok_Structure4685 • 16h ago • Now, my daughter is furious with me and claims I'm punishing her for something she had no part in. BS, why is she even close with someone like that in the first
    via u/Ok_Structure4685
  • 13
    place? There are nearly 4 billion men on the planet, but she chooses to be with the one who used to buy her little brother...NTA,
    via u/Ok_Structure4685
  • 14
    asafeplaceofrest • 16h ago • Top 5% Commenter INFO Has her fiancé - expresssed to you and your son that he regrets what he did, and that he has changed? Or has it all been second-hand through your daughter? I think I would want a heart-felt apology
    via u/asafeplaceofrest
  • 15
    directly from him before I "moved on" from it. But you can't force it out of him. If your daughter asks you what can he do to make it right, you could mention it to her. And then there is a place for forgiveness when someone has truly repented.
    via u/asafeplaceofrest
  • 16
    You could all wind up being a truly close and loving family.
    via u/asafeplaceofrest
  • 17
    Competitive-W... 15h ago • I'm confused. So this kid who was 4 yrs older than your son bu ied him all the way through high school? Did he fail a few times? Your daughter who is de d in the middle of their ages had no idea? And she never once
    via u/Competitive-W
  • 18
    mentioned the fiance's name before he was a fiance? This whole story doesn't make any sense.
    via u/Competitive-W
  • 19
    FreezeMeTrophy •3h ago ⚫ Wow, this is like a soap opera with moral dilemmas instead of secret twins. Honestly, I think you're in a tough spot because you're trying to balance being a good dad to both your kids. How about offering a compromise, like
    via u/FreezeMeTrophy
  • 20
    paying for something less symbolic than the whole wedding, but still contributing? That way, you show support without feeling like you're betraying your principles. Also, maybe have a heart-to- heart with the guy. If he's truly changed, he should be
    via u/FreezeMeTrophy
  • 21
    willing to address the harm he caused. Redemption arcs are more believable when they come with an apology! You're a great dad! NTA imo
    via u/FreezeMeTrophy
  • 22
    celticmusebooks • 15h ago Top 1% Commenter It's kind of weird that your daughter got engaged to a man and you'd never met him or knew his name? This sound a bit like ragebait because the problem here isn't paying for a wedding but the fact that you and
    via u/celticmusebooks
  • 23
    your daughter apparently don't have a very close relationship and that the man she's marrying and your son will never feel like family.
    via u/celticmusebooks

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