Husband flips out after wife refuses to let mother-in-law babysit 3-year-old for a New Year's Eve date: 'He said we should have some fun'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Jan 2, 2025 12:00 PM EST

Anybody who has kids will tell you that few things drastically change the dynamic of a romantic relationship like becoming parents. It is something that can really make or break the connection between you; your partner can show you heartwarming new depths, or they can throw a tantrum about not being the center of attention anymore. No matter how strong the relationship is, there is no denying that you are going to spend a lot less time with just the two of you. Getting around this isn't easy.

This is something that one couple struggled to navigate this New Year's Eve when a husband surprised his wife with tickets to a show but that meant leaving their 3-year-old with her mother-in-law. This made her reluctant to go out, and it turned into a source of disagreement for the couple. There were many layers to the reasoning for the decision that she made. 

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    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    AITA I chose not to go out on NYE and leave my elderly MIL with our 3 YO?
    via Imma_gonna_getcha
  • 03
    My partner is so upset with me at the moment. We rarely get to go out anymore due to lack of childcare for our 3 year old. I do plan day/ early dates with a sitter from time to time but it's not great leaving her with someone during bedtime. I'm probably too uptight about this honestly. My SO surprised me with tickets to a NYE show 45 min away from our house. His mom is in town from another country for the holidays so we'd have childcare. The day came and we both had concerns about leaving our 3
    via Imma_gonna_getcha
  • 04
    also working all week and quite tired. We decided to forgo going and stay in for the evening. Or so I thought bc after I made dinner, he said let's just go, we should have some fun. I got upset bc why didn't he express his enthusiasm for going before I got it in my head we were staying in? It's hard for me to rally and get out if the house late. I was actually relieved when he said we shouldn't go and then when he changed his mind I was upset and wouldn't go. But again, I'm tired! And I'm not su
    via Imma_gonna_getcha

    It seems like there has been a miscommunication here. When the day of the event arrived, neither felt like it was a good idea to leave their child with the mother-in-law, but in the end, the husband still hoped to go out while they had the chance. Being the parents of young children doesn't give you many opportunities for date night.

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    ANewBeginning Now NAH. You both agreed on staying in, he changed his mind, and got upset with you when you didn't change yours. I can see where he's coming from, but I also see where you're coming from. Ultimately (and I know that some may disagree with this), your first responsibility is to a young child, not your spouse. If he initially had misgivings about leaving your 3 year old with his mom, "let's just go, we should have some fun" is the wrong decision. He may need to accept that there won
    via ANewBeginningNow
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    secretrebel The child would have been safe and cared for. Sometimes you have to take time to nurture your relationship rather than ensuring the child doesn't have a second's discomfort.
    via secretrebel
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    AlwaysAnotherSide But she didn't want to go. She was tired and uncomfortable with the situation.
    via AlwaysAnotherSide
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    rude_departure_ You should put your child first, but you cannot be in a relationship and say the child goes first at all times. Sometimes you have to put your husband/wife first otherwise the relationship will slowly fall apart. And divorced parents (who could've made it work) is worse for a child's upbringing than being left alone with their grandmother for a night. This one is tough though because he had already agreed to stay home, but I think for NYE you should've sucked it up. You should pl
    via rude_departure_
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    Mysterious_Bar_1069 He bought tickets, planned a special night, I would have gone. Remember to feed your relationship as it is important. Ok she isn't the most talented sitter and your kid isn't crazy about her, but a 3 year old can ride that out and will survive. Plenty of kids spend a night here and there with a sitter they are not head over heels with and survive. I don't think you're an a_h_le for not going, but am concerned that you are not making your partner's feelings more of a priority,
    via Mysterious_Bar_1069
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    Flat-Flounder-9034 Soft YTA. I get where you're coming from, hesitant to leave your kid in a situation that isn't perfect for them (being with you). The reality is that you need to balance that with making your partner a priority too. I'd never say leave your child in a dangerous situation but you can foster a dynamic where they can and should be ok with you stepping away on occasion to love on your partner. Knowing your comfort level was in question, going out 45 min away was not realistic. But
    via Flat-Founder-9034
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    MissionHoneydew2209 You made it seem like your mother-in-law being elderly was the reason you didn't go. Then you don't mention her age, or why being older is bad. It sounds like your husband was excited to go out, and then trying to do what you wanted to do, before realizing he really did want to go out. Why do you have such a difficult time leaving a 3-year-old in the care of someone else? Can't you put her to bed before you leave? | hear you putting a lot of roadblocks up to why you can't go
    via MissionHoneydew2209
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    marsattack13 Idk- while I can totally sympathize with how tired you sound, and I respect choosing what feels best for your child, I do think YTA for dancing around the real issues and not being direct with your feelings. Did you not want to go out because of the sitter situation, or because you are tired? It sounds like you were just looking for any excuse not to go and probably shouldn't have committed in the first place. First, trying a new sitter when you have an event is tough because you ne
    via marsattack13
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    happy_life1 Given the fact your mil agreed to sit unless mil would put your child in danger, going out for a few hours would be good for you as a couple. It sounds like you didn't want to go as tired. I think a one time opportunity to go out should have been seized. Sounds like husband reluctantly agreed and probably couldn't understand not going out for being tired as it is a show and you just need to sit and you could fall asleep without impunity. Sometimes the marriage should come first and t
    via happy_life1
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    GalianoGirl Why are you uptight about leaving a three year old with a babysitter in the evenings? Especially with a family member? What opportunities did you give to your mil to spend time alone with your child during the visit? I took my children aged 3 and 5 to the Uk to visit their grandparents. We were more than happy a week into the trip to leave them for 2 nights and head into London from Birmingham. In the week prior we made sure they got lots of one on one time with Grandpa. They were pe
    via GalianoGirl
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    Ok_Taro4324 Yes, Yta. But it sounds like he has issues too. Him because I suspect he didn't have concerns about leaving him mom to babysit, but was caving to your anxiety, which he later regretted. He also resents the fact you won't spend time with him, but has let it build up instead of being open and having an adult to adult conversation with you. You are tired? Show me a parent who isn't. The rest of us sk it up and still have our own lives and prioritize our partners and relationships. I was
    via Ok_Taro4324
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    Why isn't his mother fit to be a sitter? Was his mother ab ive or neglectful to him? Why would she not be capable of being in a house with your sleeping child? Is she in her 90s and has mobility issues? Severe health issues? I'm in my late 50's and my parents would have no issues babysitting a toddler so I'm not getting the concern. Is it real or are you just using it as an excuse to not go out with your partner? If it is the latter and your relationship is over, stop jerking him around. I feel
    via Ok_Taro4324
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    CreativeinCosi Depends. Elderly to me is 80 years old. I left my 3 year old with my grandmother in her 70s and she ran circles around him.
    via CreativeinCosi
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    My-Favorite-Foliage Some kids really do not do well being left at bedtime or in general with someone they aren't comfortable with. There's nothing wrong with wanting to meet your child's needs. Society seems to be obsessed with date nights and putting your husband first, but the reality is you can do both. Day dates it is until they are a little older. It's unfortunate that there seems to have been a lack of communication. But NTA.
    via My-Favorite-Foliage
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    mxgrrrl7 Your child will be asleep before you even get to the venue. Old grandma? She managed to raise the person you're in love with and travel (navigating airports/train-bus stations etc), I have two children myself who are 18 and 22 and will be the first to tell you kids don't need as much as you think. Stop thinking yours is special and needs constant care that only you can give.
    via mxgrrrl7
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    Kind-Association2057 YTA I think he really wanted this time with you. He did change his mind but it doesn't seem like he was aware that you really didn't want to go. So, he didn't see his change of plans as being inconsiderate. You should have been direct in the beginning. Or maybe compromised by doing something closer and for a shorter time.
    via Kind-Association2057
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    tbluesterson NTA for wanting to not go out, but you probably should reconsider your attitude about sitters. You MIL successfully raised the man you love. Why do you think she can't handle a toddler? She has more motherhood experience than you and she has a good track record. Is your child the problem, that you feel you can't impose him or her on others? If so, seek some parenting guidance/help (and, as a grandparent, I can tell you that they'll behave for grandma when they don't for you when you
    via tbluesterson
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    Suitable_cataclysm NTA because he committed to stay home then changed his mind. However, having a kid isn't an excuse to let your relationship be non-existent. You two need to make time for each other. And not an occasional "someone gave us tickets" situations. You need to want to spend time together. It's good to put your child first, especially in situations where you both agree the baby sitter isn't the best idea. But he tried, and you declined. So purposefully find another time to be togethe
    via Suitable_cataclysm
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    doesitnotmakesense Did your partner do his share of housework or expects you to do lots of work and still be ON and entertain him after you're done? In that case it would be NTA and he is the A H. Or have you been just tired even thou he did his fair share? In that case it could mean you need a medical checkup and there is N A H. Or you are just anxious at leaving your toddler even thou grandma is there because you can't let go? In this case it would be Y T A.
    via doesitnotmakesense
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    patrind ESH. He s ks because he still wanted to go out after also agreeing that it probably wasn't a good idea. That's not fair to your toddler or his mother. You s k because you have a husband who desperately wants time with you and you don't prioritize it. I get that NYE didn't work out, but tell him you'll make it up to him and follow through with that! Find some proper childcare and go out. Plan a fun date night in after the toddler goes to bed. Do something! Take the initiative and it'll go
    via patrind

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