Woman accused of child endagerment when she fails to adhere to stepdaughter's irrational rules, refuses to babysit again when baby is rejected from every daycare

Author image for Ely Bulnes
Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Jan 8, 2025 6:00 PM EST

Welcome, internet-surfin' sisters. Naturally, all parents want to protect their children. Sometimes they uphold irrational rules to safeguard their kids from pain. However, every child will eventually scrape their knee, have their boundaries crossed, and get hurt or upset by something outside of their control. It is wiser to help your kids learn to deal with these things than to micromanage their lives to avoid every potential danger. Furthermore, your child will never be the center of attention in any setting outside of your home; it is a reality that many doting parents struggle with when sending their precious babies out into the real world.

In our story today, two overprotective parents expect grandma to take care of their baby for free while following a laundry list of ridiculous rules. Our protagonist is clear from the start that she is not willing to follow along with every demand, so she is shocked to find her name slandered on Facebook for inadequate childcare. Get all the details of this crazy story by scrolling down. 

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  • 01
    When she was 10 weeks pregnant they presented a 3-page list of rules for when I was babysitting. They said if I didn't sign it, they wouldn't allow me to babysit. Some of the rules were almost understandable, but most were downright ridiculous.
    via inkdrop
  • 02
    AITAH for refusing to continue providing free childcare for my stepdaughter?
    via u/PainComfortable8891
  • 03
    I did a work program with the local clerk of court's office when I was in high school. They hired me when I graduated, and I had my 30 service years before I turned 50. With 30 service years you can get your full pension at any age. I worked until my first grandchild was born, then I retired to be
    via u/PainComfortable8891
  • 04
    'grandma daycare.' I have 5 grands 8 male from my stepson, 7 male from my son, 5 female and 18 month male from my daughter. I babysat all of them with no issues or complaints. I still keep the 18 month old Monday-Friday and the older ones Summer and school holidays.
    via u/PainComfortable8891

    I would absolutely trust this woman with my life (and my baby's life).

  • 05
    My stepdaughter and her boyfriend has been non- stop drama since before the baby was born. When she was 10 weeks pregnant they presented a 3 page list of rules for when I was babysitting. They said if I didn't sign it, they wouldn't allow me to babysit. I said that I understood their need to do what was best for their baby and I assured them that there would be no hurt feelings on my end when they made other childcare arrangements.
    via u/PainComfortable8891

    A 3-page list!? How is that possible? Was it double or single-spaced? Did it contain nested lists? 

  • 06
    Some of the rules were almost understandable but most were down right ridiculous, and none of it was going to work for me. I don't remember them all but some examples are: I can't take the baby anywhere without their permission; I can't watch more than 1 additional child while babysitting; I can't cook; I had to provide the full name, dob and address of any
    via u/PainComfortable8891

    Cooking and childcare have been multi-tasked successfully since the beginning of time.

  • 07
    potential visitors ahead of time for their approval of the person being 'around' their child; they have to know anytime I have a guest over and know who it is and how long they stay; My 9 year old cat would have to be kept out of rooms where the baby would be, even when the baby wasn't there; I couldn't get another pet without their agreement.
    via u/PainComfortable8891

    Could she get a goldfish without their permission? What about a pet rock? A Neopet? Did she have to ask the mailman for his personal details if he knocked on the door?

  • 08
    When she was 7 months along they came back with revised rules in an attempt to compromise. I again let them know that their expectations were not going to fit with my life and they should just find other childcare.
    via u/PainComfortable8891

    Grandma is not to be trifled with. She's raised a flock of kids and knows her worth.

  • 09
    Two days after my stepdaughter went back to work, she called and asked if I could keep Cullen the next day. I agreed but made it clear that I was going to provide safe, appropriate care according to my judgement and I wasn't going to deal with complaints or whatever that I was violating their rules because I wanted it very clear that I was not agreeing to any of that.
    via u/PainComfortable8891
  • 10
    My stepdaughter was okay on the days she picked Cullen up and dropped him off. I felt like she was interrogating me every time she picked him up but it was tolerable but her boyfriend was downright r de. I got to the point where I actually spent Sunday dreading the start of the week because of dealing with both of them but especially his behavior. At
    via u/PainComfortable8891

    This is what happens when parents with undiagnosed anxiety disorders watch too many of those abduction true crime shows.

  • 11
    minimum he'd pick up Cullen, make a big deal of partially undress him, make at least one snide comment about my cat or if I had any grandchild over besides the 18 month old or if I had cooked or whatever. Then he'd say, I guess we don't have any choice but to put up with this for now. Or I guess you are happy that you won.
    via u/PainComfortable8891

    I can't wait for Cullen to rebel against this suffocating behavior when he's a teen… or a toddler.

  • 12
    This went on for 4 months. I spoke to my stepdaughter several times about it and told her that obviously they are very unhappy with how I cared for Cullen and that they should really work on finding something else and that in the meantime he needed to be less vocal about it. It would get better for a day or two and then he'd start again.
    via u/PainComfortable8891
  • 13
    It all came to a head as Thanksgiving was approaching. He was very verbal about the fact that he didn't want me to keep all my grandchildren over the break. I made it very clear that there would be a couple of days that I had all of them and that they needed to make other arrangements if they had a problem.
    via u/PainComfortable8891

    Why do they get to call dibs on grandma's babysitting services? All of the other kids need attention and care, too. It's not like they're offering her extra money or anything. Then again, she probably wouldn't be swayed by a bribe; she seems very dedicated to all of her grandchildren.

  • 14
    They didn't make other arrangements and when he picked Cullen up on the first day that I had all my grands, he was very r de and although nothing happened, everyone was happy, clean, fed, had a great day he said (to Cullen) that he was sorry that they had no choice except to leave him in an unsafe situation to be neglected.
    via u/PainComfortable8891
  • 15
    I called my stepdaughter that night, relayed to her what was said and told her that she had two weeks to make other arrangements and that she needed to drop off and pick up Cullen during those two weeks and if her boyfriend came to drop him off I would refuse to keep him and if he picked him up I would not keep him again.
    via u/PainComfortable8891

    Yes, grandma! She's lived a long life and knows how to draw boundaries. 

  • 16
    So things were better only dealing with her. At some point she asked me if I would keep him until January because they found someone but he couldn't start until then. I agreed. She picked Cullen up and dropped him off everything was fine.
    via u/PainComfortable8891
  • 17
    New Year's Day several people sent me a screenshot of a post her boyfriend made on social media about how thankful he was that they were finally able to leave Cullen without worrying about his safety or him being neglected. He didn't outright name me or accuse me of anything specific but anyone who knows us, knows I was keeping him and the post implied plenty.
    via u/PainComfortable8891
  • 18
    I was just happy that it was over. Friday she called me and said that their new childcare provider had told her that Cullen wasn't a good fit and that she couldn't bring him back Monday. She asked if I would start keeping him again. I told her that I was sorry for their situation but I really don't feel comfortable keeping him.
    via u/PainComfortable8891

    When it's stinky everywhere you go, check your own shoes!

  • 19
    My husband and stepson both think I should watch Cullen under the agreement that Amanda drop him off and pick him up because they think her boyfriend is the big problem and that I should just do it for Cullen's sake. My stepson also commented that I'd probably be more willing to let it go if it had been a conflict with my daughter's husband.
    via u/PainComfortable8891
  • 20
    My pension is about $4,000/month plus continuation of my health insurance. That's about 40% of our take home income if that matters. Aitah for refusing to start watching Cullen again? 3,132 1,027 1 ☹ D
    via u/PainComfortable8891
  • 21
    NTA teresajs No, you shouldn't put yourself through this "for Cullen's sake". Cullen will get cared for regardless. There's no need for you to set yourself on fire because your stepdaughter and her BF can't behave like normal human beings.
    via u/teresajs

    Plus, the couple is going to have to realize eventually that no one will adhere to this irrational laundry list of rules. They may as well find out the hard way!

  • 22
    Your husband and stepson are welcome to offer free childcare and put up with this treatment if it's important to them. But you've done your time. Learn from that experience and don't let yourself be put in the same situation again.
    via u/teresajs

    Also, if it matters to much to the stepdaughter's partner, he can quit his job and become a stay at home dad to ensure that his baby is cared for 'properly.'

  • 23
    blackbird24601 theres a reason the licensed daycare wont keep him its the boyfriend the liability alone would make me pause. he could ruin your lives
    via u/blackbird24601
  • 24
    Hortense Daigle Especially after that Facebook post. no way.
    via u/HortenseDaigle
  • 25
    GenuineOgrex fr, she is an ideal grandma and deserve a lot better than whatever this is
    via u/GenuineOgrex
  • 26
    PainComfortable8891 I don't know about ideal, but my mom was my rock and her helping with my kids helped so much financially. My kids had such an amazing relationship with her, I wanted to do that for my children and grandchildren.
    via u/PainComfortable8891
  • 27
    Indepthinkingmom NTA. I read that gaslighting runs deep in that crowd. You were SO good with boundaries. Now they've slandered your name, called you unsafe and unfit, until they need you again. If your husband and stepson want to help them, they should! I'm guessing the example of your daughter/SiL doesn't include public shaming on Facebook. PS., those demands are nonsense and pretty funny considering they can't figure out their own lives but want to run your retirement. Good luck, because God f
    via u/Indepthinkingmom

    Dad is going to have a conniption when Cullen inevitably scrapes his knee one day.

  • 28
    zxylady You made an absolute stellar point, at some point: Cullen is going to get hurt, he's going to stub a toe or something, and what do you think the odds are that this woman will end up investigated potentially being ordered not to have any contact with any of her grandchildren during the investigation because... of course! This is not a legal risk I would be willing to take if even if it was my own children genetically and biologically or otherwise
    via u/zxylady

    They've proven that they are willing to throw her under the bus if she doesn't commit 100% to their insanity.

  • 29
    Loud-Bee6673 Just repeat to yourself and everyone who pressures you - he called you neglectful and incompetent on Facebook. Not worth the liability.
    via u/Loud-Bee6673
  • 30
    Visible-Giraffe5221 Let your husband and stepson know they are welcome to watch the child and put up with the parents' outrageous, ride and ungrateful behavior anytime they like. NTA. And poor Cullen seems to have 2 incompetent parents.
    via u/Visible-Giraffe5221
  • 31
    Selfpsycho Not to mention step son can always find alternative free childcare if he wants to talk smack, especially since he will need to if his sisters dirt bag doesn't stop talking about ab e.
    via u/Selfpsycho
  • 32
    If dirt bag keeps it up its not a case of Grandma signs their rules like he thinks it is, its a case of no one has a baby sitter while grandma is investigated by child protective services because a block down the pub reported it. So step son is shooting himself in the foot trying to play the evil step mother card despite the step kids being the issue.
    via u/Selfpsycho
  • 33
    WeddingFickle6513 "Not a good fit" the child wasn't the problem. The parents showed out for the new provider and found out how a daycare handles that. You are taking a huge personal risk if you continue watching the child as is. They are willing to accuse you of ab e on social media. What's next? Making a police report? You need to write up your own contract with your rules and boundaries. Make sure to include the weekly fee for your services. Has your husband seen the social media posts slander
    via u/WeddingFickle6513

    Grandma has been great with setting boundaries. If she does decide to take Cullen back in, she needs to get her own rules down in writing. Maybe even have a lawyer present.

  • 34
    Groovy YaYa He has accused you, publicly, of neglect. A crime. I wouldn't for that reason alone.
    via u/GroovyYaYa
  • 35
    CraftyHon She was publicly accused of neglect and child endangerment. I'd ask the husband and stepson if they are willing to work with people who call them criminals.
    via u/CraftyHon

Tags

childcare family drama married with children grandma reddit story relationships parenting stepdaughter babysitting couples love entitled reddit thread Reddit raising kids Parenting Fail
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