Mother attempts to mend the rift between her two sons over the younger brother's girlfriend, they refuse to reconcile and demand she chooses a side

Advertisement
  • 01
    "I feel as though I've failed as a mom"
  • 02
    My 52F family is falling apart because of my oldest sons 27M affair with my middle childs (22m) girlfriend. How do I help my children separately?
  • 03
    Loong story. I 52F have three sons, this only involves my older two Jacob (27), Shane (22), and Shanes girlfriend, Molly (22). Two months ago Shane calls me sobbing and slurring his words, I think he may have been d k when he
  • 04
    called, but he kept saying he hated Jacob, he never wanted to see Jacob again Im asking him over and over what happened but he's just crying, like crying as if someone d' d.
  • 05
    I tell my youngest to call Shane while I call Jacob to see what happened. When I talk to Jacob he says that Shane punched him in the face, I kept asking why but he just said "idk he's crazy" I knew he wasn't being truthful so I kept
  • 06
    pushing and he says that Shane caught him and Molly together. I was honestly at a loss for words because all of my children are close they only ever argued when they had to share a room as kids. I
  • 07
    asked him why and he didn't really have an answer other than calling Shane crazy so I hung up the phone. I didn't and still don't know how to handle this situation Jacob doesn't really have remorse, he and Molly are
  • 08
    actually still seeing each other, I've tried to tell Jacob that what he is doing is wrong as h I. When I'm gone all the boys will have is each other we should mean more to each other, he doesn't want to listen. I've tried comforting
  • 09
    Shane and he says it helps but I don't think it does because he's only gone from hurt to angry, my youngest won't speak to Jacob. We didn't do our typical Thanksgiving, I cooked a d made them plates to go, they made it clear they
  • 10
    didn't want to be together, I respected that, I wouldn't want to see my sister if she did this to me. Christmas came and Shane told me he'd be fine coming over, Jacob didn't want to so we celebrated without him. He called me the
  • 11
    day after berating me about how I'm cutting him out of the family over a mistake I told him I'm not going to coddle his emotions when he is wrong then he called me a "choosey bh"
  • 12
    Geek
  • 13
    New years was the same, Jacob didn't want to come so we celebrated without him. He was angry and started posting on his instagram notes about "i cant trust anyone my family turned their backs on me" Shane and my youngest think
  • 14
    its hilarious how he's playing victim but I don't. I feel as though I've failed as a mom I didn't raise an apathetic son or a son who would s b his own brother in the back. I want so badly to believe that they can reconcile but I won't push it
  • 15
    and I know it won't happen if one brother ignores the entire situation while the other finds no faults. I'm assuming that there may have been issues between the two of them that I don't know about but I can't
  • 16
    ask because Shane avoids everything about Molly and Jacob. My question is, how can I help children separately so that they can heal and reflect? Edit: I just wanted to clarify that by helping my children I don't mean repairing their
  • 17
    relationship, it would be ideal but Im aware it's not realistic. What I mean is, I want to help Shane actually move on from the situation and not ignore it while pretending you don't care. And I mean I want to
  • 18
    help Jacob by making him see that what he's doing is ruining his brothers. As per Molly, I haven't spoken to her nor do I want to she's not family and she wont become my family in any world. One person
  • 19
    pointed out that if Molly and Jacob were to get married that I should cut contact and unfortunately that's exactly what I would do. I'd hate to but I would have to.
  • 20
    Another edit: also to clarify, I think I misled some people when I said Jacob and molly were "caught" I didn't mean actually in the act, but Shane I guess was suspecting something because he went
  • 21
    through molly's phone and found messages and photos between them. I think Shane knew that Molly was cheating but I don't think he knew it was with Jacob.
  • 22
    WildlyUninteresting You can't help Jacob. He lacks accountability and a moral compass. Whether you failed him or not, he's an adult now. You can't fix him. He needs to accept personal accountability before you can move forward but you can't force that.
  • 23
    Support your other son. It's not the answer you want to hear but Jacob is on a path that needs consequences. Don't be sympathetic or supportive without seeing some real remorse. You don't have to stop talking with him but you don't pander to him.
  • 24
    Chaoticgood790 Help Shane by getting him a therapist. Help jacob by telling him that he's not welcome with molly and that you hope he steps on legos forever
  • 25
    Real talk: jacob decided to betray his brother. there's no going back from that. So you focus on your other boys ad take their lead on how they are feeling
  • 26
    hedwigflysagain You help Shane. There is nothing you can do with Jacob until he takes responsibility for his betrayal of his brother. He is trying to play victim in a situation he created. This is all on him to rectify. As for the girlfriend, block her and cut her out of your life.
  • 27
    SojuSeed They're all adults. This really isn't for you to mediate or resolve. You can make yourself available for advice but they will have to sort this out for themselves. Jacob made this mess and he has to clean it up.

Tags

Scroll Down For The Next Article