Woman threatens to cut contact with parents if they keep taking kids to estranged aunt's house, they ultimately choose aunt over grandkids

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    AITA for refusing to let my parents see our kids?

    “So, we set a firm boundary. If they continue taking our children to my aunt's house or have them around her, they will no longer see their grandchildren. This did not go over well."
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    AITA for refusing to let my parents see my kids if they continue taking them to my aunt's house despite our clear boundary?
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    I'm a 33-year-old woman, and my family was close until my early adulthood. Around that time, my aunt decided she no longer wanted me in her life or the family's. Here's some background: my aunt's son had a best friend whom I ended up hanging out with
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    after he invited me. My cousin got upset when his friend stopped talking to him due to something my cousin did. My aunt got angry when she found out that my friend and I had slept together, and she blamed me for the fallout between her son and his friend (this happened over 10 years ago).
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    Fast forward to now: my aunt still has a strong influence over family gatherings, holidays, etc. She schedules them on weekends when my parents are supposed to have my kids. She's also demanding an apology from me. I had my first child at 27, and
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    because I was a single mom at the time, my parents helped me a lot. They'd take care of my child every other weekend when I worked. But a year into this, I found out that my parents, especially my mom, were taking my child to my aunt's house for family get- togethers. I was furious.
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    I got together with my now-husband when our child was almost 2, and we've since had another child. Even though my parents still help, the same thing happened again: they took our children to my aunt's house. Both my husband and I tried explaining to my mom that we didn't want our kids around such a toxic person, and we made it clear that if she and my aunt don't have a relationship with us, they won't have one with our kids either.
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    The real issue now is that my parents often choose my aunt's events over spending time with their grandkids. My parents won't keep our children when my aunt schedules things on their designated weekends. It's one thing for them to choose my aunt over me, but it's infuriating when it affects our kids.
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    So, we set a firm boundary: if they continue taking our children to my aunt's house or have them around her, they will no longer see their grandchildren. This did not go over well. They called us unfair, accused us of threatening them, etc. I've apologized multiple times and in different ways, but my aunt basically told me to "f-off," which led to my husband confronting her in strong terms. Now, my mom is upset with us.
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    So, AITA for refusing to let my parents see my kids if they keep taking them to my aunt's house? 817 144 D D
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    Maleficent_Pay_4154 NTA. You get to decide who your children see or not You get to decide who you see or not and the reasons why
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    Usual-Canary-7764 Is it just me or does this whole thing feel like people making decisions and then wanting none of the consequences thst follow?? 1. OP is free to be mad at auntie and set the line that if her mother has her kids she should not see her sister. Fair. NTA. 2. Mum then decides ok for the weekends I have to see my sister...I will not have your kids. Again fair. NTA.
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    OP gets mad that mum is picking her sister rather than spending time with OPs kids. Go back and read number 1 again. Then OP decides that because mum is seeing auntie...mum does not see her kids at all. It unravels and OP is apologising. Why is everyone making decisions but not wanting consequences that come with those decisions?
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    Cookies_2 Eh, the mom is absolutely TA for continuing to bring OPs children around someone she specified repeatedly not to. I wouldn't even be asking my mother to choose because she already disrespected the parental decisions many times over.
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    SnooPets8873 I think you unfortunately need to accept that your parents want your aunt and being part of the broader family more than they want to please you on this subject. You are trying to set boundaries for them but that doesn't work! You can only set boundaries for yourself and you have to accept the consequences that come with that. You told them
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    they couldn't take them to aunts? Fine. If that means they don't see your kids on the weekend? Then that is THEIR choice. And I can't blame them - they are getting older and those relationships will be increasingly valuable to them. Or were you planning on guaranteeing and forcing your kids to stay and keep them company every other weekend until they di to make up for them losing all their other relatives?
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    I suspect you assumed your parents would fall in line and then were hurt to discover they wouldn't but mostly just frustrated to lose childcare on weekends. But that's the natural consequence. You then decided to punish them by blocking access altogether. I have to be honest, that to me this felt manipulative. If you were willing to cut them off for seeing aunt at all, you should have started with that.
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    At this point, you need to be honest and say what you mean and what you will do regardless of how your parents choose to behave. Stop moving the goalpost on them. If you discover that your neighbor struck up a friendship with your aunt at some community event will you then tell them that they aren't to speak to or interact with your kids anymore? Or is that just for your parents?
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    No-Anteater1688 My late mother told me not to give anyone an ultimatum you can't live with, because you may have to. You've found that out.
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    I understand your not wanting your kids around that aunt. It is your right as parents to do so. I also understand your parents wanting to be at family events. You have no right to tell them they can't go where the aunt is present. It sounds like you need to make new childcare arrangements and make sure the grandparents only visit the kids at your home, where you have the right to keep the aunt away. NAH, just people who have to lie in the bed they made.
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    Tablessssssss NTA your aunt seems really immature to hold you accountable for her son's friendship break up, I wouldn't want my kids growing up around someone like that. I understand your parents wanting to go to their family events, but if they are going to prioritize those gatherings over respecting your parenting boundaries then I don't see what other option you have than to revoke their babysitting time.
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    Myssprynt You can't have it both ways. Either your parents take the kids to family events when they have them, or you find a different childcare arrangement. Threatening to cut contact with your kids unless they abandon their relationship is manipulative and petty. It would be different if the person or environment in question posed a danger to your kids, but it doesn't sound like that's the case.
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    princessjemmy No contact means no contact. It doesn't mean pick me over them. You can require your children have no contact with the aunt. You cannot turn around and whine if that means your parents have to choose between visiting the aunt or visiting your children.
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    It is their choice not to be available to your children when their schedule conflicts, and it respects your boundary of "my children shouldn't be dragged over to Aunt [name]." So yeah, giving them ultimatums over respecting your boundary with your aunt, but not on a schedule that you approve? It majorly makes you TAH.
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    Look, it might make you feel like a second or lesser choice for your parents to prioritize seeing your aunt over your children. But that doesn't change the reality that they are the only ones who ultimately get a say on how much time they spend with you, your children, or the aunt. It could be very well become "zero" if you keep pushing the "always choose me over her" line.
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    Look, I know that part of it is that you don't want to feel like your parents don't prioritize you and your kids, because it s ks. But as someone who's been there (minus the extra conflict of a difficult relative. My parents just don't feel the need to bother being active and present grandparents.), accepting that their presence and patience will be limited (and moving on from the pipe dream that your children should be as much a priority to them as they are to you) will improve your life. If no

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