Woman insults step-granddaughter's cooking only to find out it was her own reheated dish, turns to Facebook to get family members on her side: 'It was constructive criticism'

Welcome, tea-spillin' sisters. My parents never taught me how to cook. They are pretty strict and particular about the cleanliness of their kitchen, so I think they just didn't want to deal with me getting things dirty and thus never bothered to show me how to make anything other than eggs — which make very little mess. Unfortunately, I had to learn on my own how to properly add spices, efficiently chop aromatics, and even boil veggies in college. It took some trial and error, and I definitely made some pretty egregious mistakes without knowing. However, I believe I have ended up a pretty good cook, and I have YouTube, my amazing college roommate, and Pinterest recipes to thank. 

In our story today, a young teen takes an interest in learning how to cook. Her supportive stepmother shows her the ropes, and when she gets a hand of it, allows her to bring her dishes to family potlucks. Her grandmother, however, proves to be her biggest critic but not for the right reasons. Get all the details by scrolling down. 

Author image for Ely Bulnes Ely Bulnes
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  • 01

    AITA for leaving my mother's party after she insulted my daughter?

    "My mother started critiquing Anna's dishes. It began with just suggesting she add different spices or cook an ingredient a little longer, but over the past few months it's been getting worse."

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. 

    via progressman
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  • 02
    I (36F) have a stepdaughter (14F), "Anna". Her father and I married when Anna was two. I consider her to be my real daughter in every way that matters, and love her just as much as my biological children.
    via u/Dependent_Tax7341
  • 03
    Most of my family adores Anna, she's a very sweet and hardworking girl who does her best to make them proud. However, my mother (55F) appears to not. She's never outright said that she dislikes my daughter or why, but I've always thought it's because Anna wasn't my biological child.
    via u/Dependent_Tax7341
  • 04
    I've been teaching Anna to cook for a few years now. She asked me last year if she could start bringing her cooking to family gatherings and potlucks, and of course I agreed.
    via u/Dependent_Tax7341
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  • 05
    Cheezburger Image 10451976192

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. 

    via corelens
  • 06
    My mother started critiquing Anna's dishes. It began with just suggesting she add different spices or cook an ingredient a little longer, but over the past few months it's been getting worse. She doesn't criticize the dishes of any family members.
    via u/Dependent_Tax7341

  • Getting a good handle on cooking can certainly take some time, and constructive criticism is necessary to improve when learning a new skill. However, it does seem like grandma was unnecessarily singling out Anna in this situation. Furthermore, our protagonist and her husband likely tasted the food before allowing Anna to bring it to the potluck, so in a sense grandma is also insulting her own daughter and son-in-law's tastes. 

  • 07
    This Thanksgiving, she told Anna that the casserole she made was disgusting and inedible. I told my mother to stop criticizing Anna and that she was doing her best, but she just brushed me off, which was the final straw.
    via u/Dependent_Tax7341
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  • 08
    Cheezburger Image 10451976448

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. 

    via bhofack2
  • 09
    My family was in town this week to celebrate my mother's birthday. I had some curry that my mother had made about six months ago and given to me to freeze, so I reheated it and brought it to the party, and told everyone Anna had worked very hard to make it just like her grandmother always did.
    via u/Dependent_Tax7341
  • 10
    Immediately, my mother started criticizing the curry, saying how Anna had added too much spice and overcooked the chicken. She even went so far as to tell Anna that she should stop bringing food to potlucks altogether.
    via u/Dependent_Tax7341
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  • 11
    I hadn't originally intended to make a big deal out of this, but that comment crossed a line. I informed my mother that it was her own curry that I had reheated, and Anna had not actually cooked it.
    via u/Dependent_Tax7341
  • 12
    Cheezburger Image 10451976704

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. 

    via Langan
  • 13
    She immediately started sputtering and backpedaled, saying she was just trying to give constructive criticism and make Anna a better cook, but I knew she didn't really believe it. I asked her why she would treat my own stepdaughter so badly, and she admitted that she didn't see Anna as her real grandchild.
    via u/Dependent_Tax7341
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  • 14
    This was the final straw for me. I found my husband, Anna, and my other children, and told them we had to leave, explaining what my mother said. We probably won't be attending any family gatherings for the forseeable future either.
    via u/Dependent_Tax7341

  • This is so embarrassing. I love moments of instant karma like this. This woman only proved that she had it out for her step-granddaughter by making these comments about her own curry. I cannot imagine how smug and justified Anna must have felt for a moment there —  at least before grandma openly admitted to not seeing her as a “real” grandchild. 

  • 15
    My mother has gone full scorched-earth on facebook and most family members have taken her side. She says that I ruined her party by leaving, and that I destroyed our relationship for someone who isn't even my "real" child. My husband is on my side, but he thinks that we shouldn't have left the party, since I'd already proven my point. ه 10.6k 638 2☑
    via u/Dependent_Tax7341
  • 16
    wndrgrl555 NTA here. You're not just sticking up for Anna, but you're protecting her from what amounts to verbal ab_._e. Plus, you're drawing a line with your mom that some behavior isn't acceptable. That's always a good line to take, especially with parents and in-laws that don't grok the idea that they can't do whatever they want and treat people like cr p with impunity.
    via u/wndrgrl555
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  • 17
    ΝΤΑ FleeshaLoo --- - That was a brilliant trick, and it made the point so obvious that your mother sputtered in shame, and that is exactly why your mother is on social media trying to recruit a gang of flying monkeys.
    via u/FleeshaLoo
  • 18
    Jump on to her posts and ask her why she uses family gatherings to roast your daughter. Ask her if she envies her youth and her sweet, polite nature. Then ask her if she's so confident that she's in the right then why is she grievance-vomiting all over social media, practically begging for backup support and consensus.
    via u/FleeshaLoo
  • 19
    Tell her that happy and well-adjusted people are confident in their actions and don't need a chorus of people telling them that they're right. Then ask if she desperately needs a hug, and that's why she's competing with and bu ying a 14 year-old girl whom she knows you love.
    via u/FleeshaLoo
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  • 20
    Maybe even explain to her that love is not finite, that love for others doesn't mean less love for her. If she's religious, then throw in that handy dandy "Do unto others" thing and tell her you've decided to treat her like she treats her daughter. ----- "Now why would that upset you? Oh, you're admitting that you treat her badly?" Edit: punctuation is important!
    via u/FleeshaLoo
  • 21
    ljgyver I only wish you had turned to Anna and told her," see it isn't about your cooking. She just likes to tear anything we bring apart including her own cooking".
    via u/ljgyver
  • 22
    Low_Permission7278 I'm a stepdaughter. My stepmom is just like you. You have no idea what this means to Anna. NTA.
    via u/Low_Permission7278
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  • 23
    Dependent Tax7341 This is a really sweet reply, it made my day better.
    via u/Dependent_Tax7341
  • 24
    adamhawley NTA, you chose to be Anna's mother, and you are. You mother is a huge AH attacking her for no reason other than she doesn't see her as a "real" grandchild. Go very limited contact to no contact with her and anyone else that has an issue. Anna did nothing to deserve all that, hopefully she keeps cooking and baking and doesn't let those comments affect her.
    via u/adamhawley
  • 25
    Solid_Wing706 And is she also as hateful towards everyone else not related to her by a bloodline? If she actually uses manners, a shred of decency and is polite to anyone else she is a hypocrite. Which can be pointed out to all of those social media monkeys. Do they realize how hateful, spiteful and unkind she is, do they know what she says to a CHILD? Maybe they wouldn't be so much on her side.
    via u/Solid_Wing706
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  • 26
    Tiny Knowledge2752 NTA. I do think your husband is the a h le for wanting to stay when someone is so clearly r de and excluding yours and his daughter.
    via u/Tiny_Knowledge2752

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Tags

family drama cooking toxic adulting stepmom grandma motherhood reddit story relationships parenting stepdaughter raising teens love reddit thread Reddit raising kids
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