Controlling mom insists her 18-year-old son goes to a 5-year religious boarding school instead of college, cries when he tells her she can't control his life: 'I’ve sacrificed everything for you, and this is how you repay me?'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Jan 10, 2025 6:00 PM EST

There are so many parents who see their kids as extensions of themselves. They think that their kids' lives exist to be moved around, manipulated, and planned solely by their parents because their parents gave them the gift of life. While many parents deserve gratitude for the sacrifices they've made for their kids, they are not entitled to it, and that can be difficult for parents and kids alike to learn. 

I'm so grateful that my parents haven't told me what to do since I was 18. I'm thankful for everything they've done for me, but if they told me who I had to marry or what industry I had to work in, I would refuse point blank. Well, maybe I think I would refuse, but if you actually grow up in a culture where parental approval is more important than anything, going against your mom and dad is easier said than done. 

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  • An 18-year-old recent high school graduate shared his experiences with his controlling mother with his online community. Despite wanting to go to college and start life independently, his mom insists that he commit himself to a 5-year boarding school to continue his religious studies instead of attending a traditional 4-year university.

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    AITA for Making My Mom Cry After Telling Her She Can’t Control My Life?

    I (18M) just finished high school and live with my mom, who's deeply controlling religious and conservative. She recently announced that she plans to send me to an Islamic boarding school for at least five years. That means no college, no job, no pursuing my goals-just being stuck in a school that I don't want to attend.
    via u/Medical-Medicine7464
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    Here's the confusing part: my older brother is in college now. He started a bit later, so maybe she's trying to repeat that process with me, but honestly, I don't want to wait. I've been looking forward to working and going to college straight away. I want to start building my future now, not five years from now.
    via u/Medical-Medicine7464
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    The worst part is that I don't even believe anymore (I've kept this to myself for obvious reasons). So, the idea of going to this school feels even more stifling and out of place for me.
    via u/Medical-Medicine7464
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    Today, she told me it was final- she's taking me to this school whether I like it or not. That's when I snapped. I told her, "No, it's my life, and I'm the one who gets to decide. I'm not a little kid anymore, and you can't control me like this."
    via u/Medical-Medicine7464
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    She immediately started crying and saying stuff like, “I've sacrificed everything for you, and this is how you repay me?" I didn't know how to respond. On the one hand, I feel bad for upsetting her, but on the other, I feel like I have the right to decide my own future.
    via u/Medical-Medicine7464
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    Now I'm sitting here, waiting to see what happens next. I'm torn between guilt and frustration. So, AITA for standing up for myself, even if it made her cry? Or should I have handled this differently?
    via u/Medical-Medicine7464
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    Infinite_Turnip_8491 • 1d ago You've already picked up on the fact that your mom is controlling. So it shouldn't surprise you when I say (based on what you've mentioned) that your mom is most likely resorting to emotional blackmail to get you to do what she wants. Don't fall for it.
    via u/Infinite_Turnip_8491
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    You sound like you already have a decent idea of what you want to do with your life, or at least what the first steps to take to find that out are. Stay on that path and don't let anyone try to persuade you otherwise.
    via u/Infinite_Turnip_8491
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    And I also don't think you should feel bad for snapping at your mother. She's the one who tried to throw down the gauntlet by saying she was taking you to the boarding school whether you like it or not. If she's upset because you refused in a not-so-polite way, that's on her. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. All this to say, NTA
    via u/Infinite_Turnip_8491
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    Wise-ish_Owl • 22h ago And mom sacrificed nothing, she had children and she did her duty by them, nothing more. Make sure you gather your ID and documents before anyone is aware you are leaving
    via u/Wise-ish_Owl
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    MrsNobodyspecial67 • 20h ago especially if boarding school is abroad you know there is a passport in play here.
    via u/MrsNobodyspecial67
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    Aggressive_Cup8452 • 1d ago You're 18 so she can't "make" you do anything anymore. That's why she's using tears to manipulate you. Advise I give everyone: at the end of your life you can't keep blaming your parents for your choices, mistakes or missed opportunities. They won't acknowledge or take responsibility for any of it.. and they don't have to.
    via u/Aggressive_Cup8452
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    So either you do what you want and live with the consequences. Or you live your life according to your parents expectations and live with those consequences. But make no mistake, it's your life and your consequences. Good or bad. NtA
    via u/Aggressive_Cup8452
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    Agent_Jay This is just good advice to a lot of people who's parental control and leftover trauma still hold them in rigid patterns, and they're stuck in between doing something for themselves and just sticking to the script they've had pounded into their head for 20 years.
    via u/Agent_Jay
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    Disruptorpistol • 1d ago • Edited 1d ago NTA, obviously. Her plan to keep you from an education is going to affect your future forever. You'll never get those five years back - where you'd learn and mature with your peers, where you can start building your future financial stability, where many people meet a spouse. She's being manipulative and selfish. Don't sacrifice your future to her anxiety and self-absorption.
    via u/Disruptorpistol
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    kmusk • 1d ago NTA! I've gotten this response from my parents before (I'm Sikh/Indian). It's honestly pretty sad to think about what my parents have gone through and all of the choices that have been stolen away from them. But I don't think it's fair for those sacrifices to be perpetuated across generations and weaponized for the sake of control. You do have the right to decide your own future — all you're doing is following your dreams and trying to discover happiness. I think there are plenty
    via u/kmusk
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    AnonymousPopotamus • 1d ago Exactly. Parenthood means sacrificing a lot, but it's also a sacrifice they signed up for.
    via u/AnonymousPopotamus
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    YouOne6572 • 1d ago Same here, from religious parents. They controlling me like which major of study i must take, that kind of things, they almost set me up to married with my cousin. I don't want it. I search my love on my own, when i find him, he's nor religious nothing event cannot praying lol my parents really snap and they don't want me to married at first, but i just said if you
    via u/YouOne6572
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    nt give me permission i will go run away to his country and you never see me anymore (i was 27 that time) in the end we married and now i live far from my parents, they still wanna controlling even they're own grand kids saying they must ging to islamic school. I just said ya i will think about it and forget it ofcourse(because is with the phone call so is not as intense as you talk by them directly)
    via u/YouOne6572
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    AnonymousPopotamus • 1d ago NTA. I know some Redditors on here will scream "narcissist!" at the idea that your mom cried and brought up the sacrifice of having children. But it is very common in many cultures around the world to view one's parents as having committed the biggest sacrifice one can make in having their children, and children live their
    via u/AnonymousPopotamus
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    life knowing they can never repay them. Your mom most likely grew up with that notion towards her parents and expects her children to have the same view towards her. You're 18 and it is your life. But if you want to make decisions for yourself, you need to move out and become financially independent.
    via u/AnonymousPopotamus
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    rigbysgirl13 • 1d ago ΝΤΑ You're 18 and I hope in the US, UK, or Canada and a citizen because if so, she CANNOT FORCE YOU TO GO ANYWHERE. Having said that, DO NOT GO ON ANY OVERSEAS TRIPS WITH HER. Many young women are duped into traveling to conservative Muslim countries and forced into arranged marriages. Stay safe! Find your passport
    via u/rigbysgirl13
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    and never let it out of your control. Gather all your important documents. MOVE OUT, ASAP. Seriously, OP, you need to ensure your own safety from your mother/family. It IS your life - don't let her condemn you to a life of baby making and isolation. RUN a d get your college education and independence!
    via u/rigbysgirl13
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    Without-Reward •⚫ 23h ago OP is male so hopefully a bit more safe from trafficking/forced marriage (though I admit I'm not sure). Still very important advice in case it applies to anyone reading though.
    via u/Without-Reward
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    venturebirdday • 1d ago To her, religion is that safety net that keeps her and you safe. To you, it is a story that you have read and do not feel the magic in the words.
    via u/venturebirdday
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    She is scared. You did not handle it badly. You cannot live your life for others and stay you. Of course she is crying, something that she values in her core, is not a value you share. That is scary. Be kind and be firm. You are still you - no monster. Her worries are not your worries. You believe in you.
    via u/venturebirdday
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    If you are in the US and it gets bad, you might consider joining the military. It is not the stuff of the movies. It is far closer to a 9-5 job with benefits and a safe place to live. I joined, saved a lot of money, and got a free college degree. No one ever shot at me. I fixed communication systems.
    via u/venturebirdday
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    WomanInQuestion • 1d ago NTA - everything she sacrificed for you was HER choice. She was legally, morally, and ethically responsible to take care of you for 18 years when she chose to have children. You don't owe her anything for that. What kind of boarding school is this if it's not college, but you've graduated high school? What are they supposed to be teaching you?
    via u/WomanInQuestion
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    Medical-Medicine7464 OP • 1d ago What kind of boarding school is this if it's not college, but you've graduated high school? What are they supposed to be teaching you? It's basically a school where young adults focus on Islamic studies, like memorizing the Quran, learning religious texts, and practicing strict
    via u/Medical-Medicine7464
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    Islamic principles. Think of it as a combination of intensive religious education and boarding school life. It's not academics like math or science —it's more about shaping you into a devout Muslim. Some families send kids there to deepen their faith or because they think it's the “right path"
    via u/Medical-Medicine7464

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