Couple of 2 years on thin ice after mutual friend lets loose that BF originally only approached GF to get friend's number: "I thought you chose me"

Author image for Ely Bulnes
Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Jan 15, 2025 6:00 PM EST

Aloha, gossip-lovin' ladies. Do you ever get really, really intense period or pregnancy cravings to the point that you hop in your car at 2 am and drive a full 10 minutes just to go to the grocery store to get this one item? Some cravings come on all of a sudden when you're not expecting them. Other times, you spend the whole day daydreaming about some sugary treat, and after denying yourself for too long, you finally go get it. However, every once in a while, when you finally hold that sweet or salty treat that you so desired in your hands, you realize that you would actually prefer to eat something else, and you end up leaving the store with a snack with a totally different taste palette.

Perhaps this was not the best analogy for today's story as people are not food, and our romantic interests are not simple cravings. When our protagonist finds out that her boyfriend initially approached years ago her with the intention of getting her friend's number, she falls into a pit of despair and insecurity. Find out what netizens had to say by scrolling down below.

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  • 01

    Found out my long term BF originally only approached me because he wanted to get my friend's number. What do I do?

    "He eventually confessed that he'd seen her around and originally attended the party to get to know her. Which means he probably only approached me in the first place because he knew we were friends."
    via Tharakorn arunothai

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    I (28F) and my boyfriend (28M) have been together for 2 years now. We met at a party and hit it off instantly (or so I thought) and I was really happy when he asked for my Instagram so we could keep talking. I'm truly and completely in love with him, we've talked about getting married and everything and he's been so caring and kind to me all this time.
    via u/bluebriars
  • 03
    His friends had come over a few days ago to hang out, and since I'm pretty friendly with them I was there and chatting too. We were drinking, everyone was pretty tipsy and someone started teasing him about me and how he's really softened up and settled down. Then one of his other friends made a
    via u/bluebriars
  • 04
    Cheezburger Image 10453843200
    via sturti
  • 05
    comment about how he probably never expected his future wife to be R's friend (for context, R is my friend and we attended the party together. At the time, we were pretty new to the bigger friend group). He just told his friend to shut up and was pretty tense about it the rest of the night. I asked
    via u/bluebriars
  • 06
    him about it and he said it was nothing, but I kept pressing and he eventually confessed that he'd seen R around and originally attended the party only to get to know her. Which means he probably only approached me in the first place because he knew we were friends.
    via u/bluebriars

  • It's hard to say whether the friend was trying to start something or genuinely thought that the story was cute (like I do).

  • 07
    He told me it didn't mean anything, and that any interest he had in R vanished after we started talking and he asked for my socials later because he could tell we had chemistry. But I'm really heartbroken. I remember thinking he was cute that first night and being so happy that he chose me of
    via u/bluebriars
  • 08
    all people to chat up. And knowing that all of it was only to get with R has made me feel absolutely terrible. R also has had a boyfriend for the past 5 years so I can't stop thinking about how he probably just cut his losses and decided to go out with me because I was so obviously attracted to him.
    via u/bluebriars
  • 09
    Cheezburger Image 10453842944
    via gilaxia
  • 10
    I'm not bad looking in my opinion, I think I look pretty average but my friends are way prettier and have always been popular. And I've always known that people were mostly attracted to me because of my personality and not my looks. But I really thought he was different because he's always
    via u/bluebriars
  • 11
    complimenting me and telling me how pretty I look and now it all feels like a lie. He's been acting really sweet the past few days since it happened and it's only making me angrier because I know he's trying to walk on eggshells to make me feel better. How do I even deal with this?
    via u/bluebriars
  • 12
    TLDR boyfriend approached me initially only to get to know my friend who he had a crush on. How do I deal with this insecurity?
    via u/bluebriars
  • 13
    charismatictictic Yesterday I went to a clothing store to try on a shirt I had seen online, because I possibly wanted to buy it. But when I got there, I found a shirt I liked even more, so I didn't even try the first one on, because it was obvious that the one I unexpectedly found when I got there was just so much better in every way possible.
    via u/charismatictictic

  • Totally. People travel to Japan and romanticize Tokyo, and then end up falling in love with Osaka or Kyoto. In the end, he chose her, not the friend. 

  • 14
    HamBlamBlam This is a perfect analogy. Don't get in your own way, OP.
    via u/HamBlamBlam
  • 15
    Blue-eagle-23 This, 100% this!!! You are overthinking too much. He picked you, he never asked for her info. Don't sabotage your relationship, get out of your own head.
    via u/Blue-eagle-23
  • 16
    interflocken Another way to think of this is a meet-cute: he saw your friend and wanted to get to know her, but after talking to you he completely forgot about her because he was so enamored with you. I'd take that kind of romance any day.
    via u/interflocken
  • 17
    AdriftSpaceman You do nothing and enjoy the unexpected outcome of that approach. There's no reason to overthink this situation.
    via u/AdriftSpaceman
  • 18
    AdriftSpaceman And he did not say he only talked to you to get closer to her. He said he attended the party to do so. I'd bet his interest in talking to you was genuine from the start.
    via u/AdriftSpaceman
  • 19
    tagrav So many people self sabotage thinking "how can this be a bad thing" Instead of just going "isn't this great!"
    via u/tagrav
  • 20
    grumpy_g He was there for her, but when he met you he completely forgot her. I think this is even better. Because he chose you. Like "R, hold my beer. I found the one."
    via u/grumpy_g
  • 21
    Are you telling me that you never met someone and thought nice, but his friend is way better? Have you never talked to someone who looked cute and realised what an idiot only to realise that his friend who was shy is the great catch? I had this
    via u/grumpy_g
  • 22
    experience more than once with my friend. She gets hit on by a guy and I talk to the friend of the guy. And every time I thought wow... his friend is so much better and they thought the same about me.
    via u/grumpy_g
  • 23
    I absolutely understand where you are coming from. But if he hasn't given you any reason to doubt his feelings for you, then he chose you. Has he ever suggested anything that made you feel like he is into her? No? Good.
    via u/grumpy_g
  • 24
    And his friends obviously thought the same or they wouldn't have told you. I understand that you are hurt. But this guy talks to you and immediately falls for you. He didn't think you are ugly or he wouldn't have asked you out.
    via u/grumpy_g
  • 25
    thethird725 If you keep dwelling on this it will be a self fulfilling prophecy to the end of your relationship - which by all accounts you shared here is super solid and healthy. You ask for insight on how to get over your insecurity, so big props for acknowledging that this is yours to work on and your bfs to support you through.
    via u/thethird725
  • 26
    You say "my friends are way prettier and have always been popular" - the notion that friend groups keep an ugly one around is so false, you're likely super attractive as well and should potentially get a bit of therapy to unpack this and get over it for the sake of your relationship!
    via u/thethird725
  • 27
    He chose you, he didn't settle for anything. It's not like he went on a date with your friend and she turned him down and he came crawling to you afterwards.
    via u/thethird725
  • 28
    Smile-Nod Everyone is right about not letting this ruin a good thing. But, not everyone knows what it if feels like to not be the immediate object of desire, but having to show you have value before someone considers you. It ks and it's hurtful. S
    via u/Smile-Nod
  • 29
    Ultimately, we have to accept who we are and focus on the positives of not being handed everything on a silver platter. Focus on what you can change to make yourself better physically or mentally.
    via u/Smile-Nod

Tags

boyfriend insecure toxic Female Empowerment reddit story relationships girlfriend couples love breakup reddit thread red flag Reddit relationship drama healthy relationship dating
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