22-year-old gets taken on dream birthday vacation by older brother, sister-in-law accuses her of making her babysit 2 kids under 6 on her own: 'She decided I wasn't being sincere'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Jan 15, 2025 6:00 PM EST

As if navigating the dynamics of the family that you were born into wasn't hard enough, most people will have to deal with those family members who marry in as well. In-law relationships do not have to be fraught, but that is often what happens thanks to miscommunication, entitlement, and mismatched values.

It is true that if you choose to get married, whatever family you and your spouse build together should take priority. However, that doesn't mean that anybody in a committed couple should abandon their relatives completely just because they are in a relationship. The key is finding the balance and trying not to upset anybody else in the process. Depending on the family and the partner, this can be a lot trickier than it needs to be and it can also find other unsuspecting people caught in the crossfire. Different relationships require different approaches to this particular topic.

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    Cheezburger Image 10454845696
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • This is what one young woman had the misfortune of finding out when her brother surprised her for her birthday with a vacation to Scotland for the two of them, a place that she had always wanted to visit. While the holiday went well, her sister-in-law made sure that the aftermath was not so pleasant. Her brother's wife sent an accusatory text to the 22-year-old blaming her for making her responsible for childcare while her brother was travelling with her. This caused a rift in the family and led her to consult the internet.

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    Cheezburger Image 10454893568
    via Annie Sprat (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    AITA for refusing to thank my sil cause she had to “babysit” her own kids?

    My (22f) brother (35m) surprised me 6 months ago by planning a trip to Scotland for my birthday (he knew I've never traveled before and wanted to take me to my dream country) due to tight finances it was just the two of us which I was okay with since at the time him and I were close.
    via Relevant_Artichoke24
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    For context: My brother is married and has two kids under 6, his wife (34f) had said she was happy for me and didn't mind holding down the fort for a week while we're on the trip. Her and I have never been close and quite frankly just tolerate each other for the sake of keeping the peace, she's never been a fan of how close my siblings are with each other. It all comes down to growing up in different family dynamics imo...
    via Relevant_Artichoke24
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    Anyway, the trip was amazing and I loved every second of it, I was on such a high when we came back that I thanked my brother so many times for doing this for me until he told me to shut up lol, I thought everything was good and we resumed our lives normally. Imagine my surprise when I get a text three days after coming back from my Sil telling me off and calling me r de and ungrateful cause I didn't send her a text thanking her for "babysitting" on her own and having to do everything around her
    via Relevant_Artichoke24
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    This is the same woman who smiled and told me to have fun on my trip and now she's berating me for not thanking her for doing me a favour by taking care of her kids for a week... am I crazy or is that totally irrational and just weird? I told her I'm not sure taking care of your own children is "babysitting" or "doing someone else a favour" and she blew up at me calling me a terrible ungrateful brat and that I never show appreciation for anything, I was so confused by all of this and called my b
    via Relevant_Artichoke24
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    Anyway, to keep the peace I told her thanks for doing it but she decided I wasn't being sincere and convinced my brother to go low contact with me, my siblings and my mum were confused by all of this but keep telling me to just bite my tongue and not stir the pot any further... but I'm just hurt and confused... my relationship with my brother has been strained since and it's taking a toll on me... I just need outside opinions cause I'm genuinely confused on whether or not I'm the Ah le in this w
    via Relevant_Artichoke24
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    ** EDIT ** I can't reply to everyone so let me clear up a few things I feel I should've included: 1. They do not share finances, she has never spent any money on anything related to me... also, last year she took a trip with her siblings abroad as well and no I don't know if her siblings thanked my brother for watching his kids. 2. Finances were tight as in my brother was paying out of his own pocket and wouldn't have been able to take anyone else with us + this trip was a birthday gift not a fa
    via Relevant_Artichoke24
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    While people didn't think the young woman was in the wrong, some did wonder if she could have reacted to the situation a little differently.

    PeaceLoveAndZombiez NTA "that's between you and your husband" would have been my only reply
    via PeaceLoveAndZombiez
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    Firm Commission_775 NTA: if anything he should be the one thanking her for taking care of their kids, you got invited to go and it was a gift to you. I've never been thanked for watching my kids lol which I agree and understand it's a lot of work but she also agreed to do it so you guys could go. I don't think you're the ah le here.
    via Firm_Commission_775
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    HeavenlyHugsX She volunteered to watch her own kids so you could go, and it's not something you should be expected to thank her for. It was a gift for you, and she shouldn't be acting like it's a favor. NTA
    via HeavenlyHugsX
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    Expensive-Choice8240 Exactly! She volunteered to take care of her own kids, so there's really no need for you to thank her. Your brother should be the one thanking her, not you.
    via Expensive-Choice8240
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    Wanda_McMimzy NTA. His absence made her life harder and she resents it after the fact.
    via Wanda_McMimzy
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    BertTheNerd Misplaced anger. The phrase you was looking for.
    via BertTheNerd
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    WavesnMountains NTA you did nothing wrong, this is a fight between the couple.
    via WavesnMountains
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    Ok_Philosophy_3892 "Babysitting" is the wrong term. But you are never wrong for thanking the parent who didn't go on the vacation for staying back and doing the 24/7 solo care for an extended period of time so that you and your sibling/friend/travelmate can enjoy yourselves without worry.
    via Ok_Philosophy_3892
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    TaylorMade2566 I wouldn't have thought to thank her for watching her own kids but I would've got her a nice gift while on the trip and thanked her for being so kind to let my BROTHER take me on this trip. I think you missed an excellent chance to be gracious
    via TaylorMade2566
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    BrilliantEmphasis862 ΝΤΑ Brother and SIL have issues and she is using you as her anger outlet. This is between them. Invite her to lunch some day, you treat, ask to clear the air. She seems to want to be heard.
    via BrilliantEmphasis862
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    justwalkawayrenee Oh but they do share finances, op. If you have kids together and live in the same house, you are sharing finances even if you have separate bank accounts. It's likely sil didn't want a thank you for babysitting her own kids. I think she worded it poorly and she certainly went about fishing for a thank you in a really poor way. Instead, she wanted an acknowledgement that she had a part in the gift... which she likely did. They share responsibility for the care of the children. W
    via justwalkawayrenee
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    Indy-Lib Yeah, it seems like the OP thinks the only gift was given to her by her brother with his money. The SIL gave her the gift of time as well. Someday the OP might understand this better.
    via Indy_lib
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    readerd122 Honestly I don't think OP is an AH but the brother did put a lot on his wife and if it was me I would have been thanking her profusely. Bro spent a lot of time and money on a trip that his wife and kids were excluded from and SIL stayed home holding the bag - and was very nice and generous about it until OP just ignored her contribution. That wonderful trip wouldn't have been possible if SIL hadn't been willing to make that sacrifice. If my husband had done that to me - "Hey hon, I'm
    via readerdl22
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    LeighJordan In my opinion, anytime someone sacrifices time, effort, etc. for your benefit it's is polite to say "Thank you." If I were your SIL, I wouldn't have sent you a text. But, I would have been hurt if all of your gratitude was towards my husband and didn't acknowledge it was a group effort. This is the POV of someone who has kids and my husband and I both travel for work at times. When one of us is gone, the other does the chores/tasks of both. I'd say NTA, but perhaps you may have been
    via LeighJordan
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    Life-Tackle-4777 The polite thing to do would have been to thank your SIL for holding down the fort and allowing your brother to take time away. Also, it would have been polite to buy her a gift. Was it warranted probably not. But it would have been nice and show you thought about her. It's not if you like her or you don't. It shows appreciation even if you really don't.
    via Life-Tackle-4777
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    HoldFast02 It does seem weird that neither OP nor her brother apparently thought it a good idea to bring a souvenir for SIL back from the trip. Something to say, "We thought about you during our trip, thanks for being there for us" or similar.
    via HoldFastO2
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    heypresto2k NTA but why couldn't you simply thank her? She did hold the fort while you guys were on the trip. It doesn't matter if she didn't make any financial contribution. I think in this case, your brother is probably the AH. He should have guided you to get your SIL a little something from Scotland with a thank you note. It's not that hard.
    via heypreston2k

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family vacation aita kids brother birthday parenting sister in law babysitting argument sister reddit thread Reddit mom
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