Nanny demands mother stop visiting her baby during the day, claims it gets the baby worked up, leading nanny to quit after being told she is overstepping: 'It's not fair for the baby'

Author image for Bar Mor Hazut
Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
Jan 20, 2025 8:00 PM EST

When we decide on a career path, the best approach is to pick a job we think we could handle both its good sides and bad. For example, you don't pick a desk job just because the hours are comfortable, you also pick it because you are fine with sitting at a desk for 8 hours. It's not just the 'easy' elements of the jobs that should be taken into consideration, and if you can't handle the hard elements, maybe that job isn't for you.

That being said, when someone decides to become a nanny, they probably do not expect to have to deal with a crying baby all day long. Sure, they should know how to handle a crying baby, and not lose it over a 10-minute crying period, but no one goes into that business expecting to hear crying nonstop.

That is why the nanny in this story thought that she should take action to ensure the baby she is taking care of doesn't cry through the entire day. However, the reason the baby is crying is because of her mother and the mother is not ready to make it stop.

Add as a preferred
source on Google
Advertisement
  • 01
    "I have to start looking for a new job"
    via jordi magrans

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 02

    "AITA for requesting my nanny babies mom to stop popping in to visit?"

    I just started nannying for a 6 month old as her mom. started work again two weeks ago. She is a lovely woman who works from home upstairs while I watch
    via nuclearrwessels
  • 03
    baby downstairs. Baby and I are getting along great and mom likes to come down for nap time on her lunch and put baby down. That's super helpful actually and works great.
    via nuclearrwessels
  • 04
    What doesn't work so great is that she comes down to "pop in" every hour or so, which creates a screaming fit when she inevitably leaves again after 2 minutes. It's
    via nuclearrwessels
  • 05
    definitely not about not having trust in me, she has cameras in every room besides bathroom. It's just that she misses baby. Which I get and feel for her! But it's torture to deal with and baby gets soo upset.
    via nuclearrwessels
  • 06
    I, extremely politely, asked if she could maybe limit the pop ins to once or twice a day. She said she would but had been cold towards me now. Was it wrong of me?
    via nuclearrwessels
  • 07
    km89 INFO: Did you explain why you're asking this, or did you just ask her to leave you alone with her child more often?
    via km89
  • 08
    Like, not accusing you of anything, but on its face that request sounds very odd. The context really changes things.
    via km89
  • 09
    nuclearrwessels OP Yes, I explained that it upsets baby and it's take quite some time to re direct or settle her. Although the mom already knew this as baby starts
    via nuclearrwessels
  • 10
    crying the second she's handed back to me and like I said, there are cameras all over so she can clearly see/hear it.
    via nuclearrwessels

  • No one likes to hear a baby crying. It can even drive someone completely mad if they have to listen to it all day long. Understandably, the nanny in this story wanted to help the baby and put a stop to it. However, she is still only an employee and should work around her employer's wishes, which in this case are the mother's wishes to visit her baby every hour or so.

    So what could the nanny do to make the situation better?

  • 11
    nuclearrwessels OP I don't find caring for the baby hard. I do find hearing her scream in confusion 5-6 times a day hard. It's no fair to her.
    via nuclearrwessels
  • 12
    KitK2594k Bottom line is she is your boss so you have NO say in it.
    via KitK2594k
  • 13
    nuclearrwessels OP She won't be my boss for much longer as it is extremely distressing to listen to a baby scream in distress every hour when it can be avoided.
    via nuclearrwessels
  • 14
    1962Michael NAH. The mom can presumably hear the screaming fit as she "pops out" back to her workspace. So she's not unaware. But in this case she's "the boss" and if she
    via 1962Michael
  • 15
    wants to see her baby in her home, that is her prerogative. As the employee, you can certainly make a reasonable request. And the presumed eventual consequence of her not accepting that request would be that you would quit. If you are otherwise
    via 1962Michael
  • 16
    doing a good job, she's not going to fire you for making a reasonable request. In my experience, people "agree" and then "go cold" or "give the silent treatment" when they don't get their way, and maybe even realize they were wrong but don't like being called out on it.
    via 1962Michael
  • 17
    I do think you should take into account that she is transitioning back to work. It's only been a couple of weeks. She will get used to being away from the baby, and the baby will get used to being away from her. So it should get easier all around.
    via 1962Michael
  • 18
    Serpents_disobeyed With sympathy, but YTA. Interacting with multiple people over the course of a day shouldn't make a baby miserable long term - if short visits from the mother
    via Serpents_disobeyed
  • 19
    get to be the norm, the baby will get used to it. Having the baby cry some isn't torture for you or the baby, it's your job.
    via Serpents_disobeyed
  • 20
    nuclearrwessels OP Having the baby scream so hard she can't breathe for 10 minutes is torture for her. I've tried loading her in the car, talking her on a walk, taking her to a different room, playing with water in the sink
    via nuclearrwessels
  • 21
    - nothing soothes her until she eventually just stops crying and does nothing for for the next half hour. It's extremely distressing to witness
    via nuclearrwessels
  • 22
    Cheezburger Image 10456694016
    via Sarah Chai

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 23
    paperbrilliant NAH but you're probably going to get fired lol
    via paperbrilliant
  • 24
    nuclearrwessels OP Loll I thought about that so I have been looking.
    via nuclearrwessels
  • 25
    BlondeinShanghai I honestly don't think you're a good fit for this role if listening to a baby cry and being unable to soothe them because they miss their mom is that upsetting to you.
    via BlondeinShanghai
  • 26
    nuclearrwessels OP When it's not needed? Absolutely. I've been a nanny on and off for years and have never had an issue until now.
    via nuclearrwessels
  • 27
    QL58 You might as well start looking for a new job. 1. It's the woman home 2. It's the woman's child
    via QL58
  • 28
    3. You work for the woman! You wouldn't stay in my house much longer! YTA
    via QL58
  • 29
    nuclearrwessels OP Sorry, I don't believe that it's right to cause undue mental anguish to a child just because it's yours. I have started to look for another job. This whole thing makes me think we won't mesh.
    via nuclearrwessels
  • 30
    Leading_Durian5855 No one is the a hole. You are being paid to watch that child so mom doesn't have to miss out completely. Finding a way to do the pop ins so baby isn't so fussy is okay but trying to limit them is not.
    via Leading_Durian5855

Tags

family drama aita baby babysitter employee kids mother work reddit story nanny parenting employer babysitting Reddit women parents children
Scroll Down For The Next Article