Grandparents put pregnant daughter's ultrasound on their Christmas card without her permission, don't understand why she's upset: '[They said] I should keep my mouth shut so as not to rain on their parade'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Jan 24, 2025 3:00 PM EST

When a new baby comes along into the family, everyone gets understandably excited. Siblings become aunts and uncles, parents become grandmothers and grandfathers. It's a big change in the family dynamic and it's a wonderful feeling to watch the generations continue to unfold. But sometimes in all the excitement, it's easy to lose focus of who should actually be at the center: the baby's parents. Even though a new family member means something to the extended crew, especially grandparents, the parents are ultimately the only ones responsible for that baby. They get to make all the parenting decisions. 

Sometimes, though, wires get crossed about who is allowed to do what regarding the baby. What kind of special rights and privileges do the grandparents get? When are they allowed to visit? At what age will they be entrusted to babysit? How much will the parents allow their baby's image to be on social media, shown to friends, etc.? 

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    mindray WISTITUTO VADELN AVLAJ BOND WING what
    via Melanie Rosillo Galvan

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • These are key decisions, and people from different generations come at it from different angles. In this family, the question of a Christmas card stirred up some boundary issues when it came to a new child. Read on for the details and see what you would have done. 

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    AITA for asking to be informed that my ultrasound is being used on my parent's Christmas card?

    Every year my father and stepmother, who I am not close to, send out a Christmas card - a very important tradition for the good, middle class Jesus-loving Texan who needs to show off their travels & their kids accomplishments. This year they included a photo of my
    via u/ratgirlmelb
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    ultrasound on it (which I had shared privately with my father only) & my due date, along with the same of my step-siblings who are also expecting. My sister saw the card and called to ask if I knew about it - I did not. They never asked for my permission or informed me that they were printing my ultrasound on the card.
    via u/ratgirlmelb
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    I called and told my dad that he should have asked for permission before a photo of my body & my unborn child was sent around to hundreds of people that are strangers to me. He responded that it's his grandchild too, it's not a big deal, and my stepmom is very excited about the baby so I should keep my mouth shut so as not to rain on their parade. Now
    via u/ratgirlmelb
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    he's not talking to me. I understand that it's a very normal thing in the South to share photos of your ultrasound on social media or wherever, so now I'm worried I overreacted and caused drama over nothing. AITA for scolding my dad?
    via u/ratgirlmelb
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    Commenters were quick to swoop in and set the record straight.

    SunshineShoulders... . 1d ago NTA and it's time to restrict information to only what you'd be fine sharing with the rest of civilization. Additionally, keep that "it's my grandchild, too, and (your concerns) aren't a big deal" attitude in mind when considering leaving your newborn alone with grandparents. I promise it only gets worse from here.
    via u/SunshineShoulders87
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    • Puzzleheaded-Age-... 1d ago NTA - and you need to set firm boundaries with them now because if they don't respect your rights over your own body and personal information, they sure as h I aren't going to accept any rules you lay down as a
    via u/Puzzleheaded-Age-240
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    parent or that your child has any autonomy over their own body. I learned the hard way that toxic people are not entitled to a relationship with their other family members - your responsibility now is to your own family and especially your children. Don't bend on that count. Congratulations on the new family member and good luck!
    via u/Puzzleheaded-Age-240
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    k23_k23 1d ago NTA Tell them: If they sends this out, this is the last picture they got from your kid. "Now he's not talking to me.' take this as a win. ..
    via u/k23_k23
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    BABY IS COMING DEC 2023
    via Melanie Rosillo Galvan

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    HorseygirlWH 1d ago. • Wow, I'm older 61F but I can't imagine my parents sharing a pic of my ultrasound when I was pregnant with my 31 & 28 kids. That's a hard No if they had asked. Since they didn't ask, they're TA and make sure you don't apologize since they should. Never share a private pic with them again that you don't want broadcast to the world! You're NTA.
    via u/HorseygirlWH
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    n2oc10h12c8h10n4... • 1d ago NTA. I'm petty af. They would not see my baby, especially after telling me to "shut up".
    via u/n2oc10h12c8h10n402
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    IAmTAAlways 1d ago • NTA, and nothing about this has anything to do with being Southern or Texan. They're just jerks. If it were me, they would get blocked on all social media and would never be given pictures or videos of my child ever again. Anyone supplying them with pictures/videos would also be blocked and banned.
    via u/IAmTAAlways
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    pottersquash • 1d ago NTA. Gotta be the dumbest move on his part. His wife is really jazzed bout this baby and he just gave you all the reason to never ever let them see it.
    via u/pottersquash
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    One_Bug_870 · 1d ago Maybe being from the northeast I have a different perspective. You don't include other people in social media posts or holiday cards unless you ask them first. I don't get all this "well we're from the south/Texas so we just put it all out there". It's not polite and some people
    via u/One_Bug_870
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    think it's bad karma to show those photos. Also, I personally would think it strange to get ultrasound photos on a holiday card. If you must brag about your family line increasing, why not just mention that the kids are expecting in (months).
    via u/One_Bug_870
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    SparklesIB 1d ago NTA. I would do as you were told: Keep your mouth shut. They apparently do not need to know anything further from you. Ever. They can hear through the grapevine when your child has been born, along with any other
    via u/SparklesIB
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    momentous events. When they complain, you tell them you're doing as you were told. And will continue to do so until they apologize for everything and improve their attitudes.
    via u/SparklesIB
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    NickName2506 · 1d ago NTA. That is just so unbelievably ride!
    via u/NickName2506
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    Physical-Bear2156 • 1d ago NTA, and don't share any more photos.
    via u/Physical-Bear2156
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    overwhelmedftmom 1d ago • NTA. And I honestly would take his advice of shutting your mouth and not talk to either one until they apologize. They proved they can't use common courtesy and ask if they can send it out so they wouldn't be getting any baby updates from me
    via u/overwhelmedftmom
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    OceanPro88 · 1d ago NTA. I don't think your the - AH here. But just be warned it will not get better. I am futher down the road. I had this type of mother - because let's be honest, it's not usually the men sending the cards. She would 'take' a picture I'd shared with her
    via u/OceanPro88
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    during the year and then make it her Christmas card. You'll come to know how hard it is to get a 'good pic' of everyone. AND to boot, she'd send 'her' card to my childhood friends! So since she's retired while I was a full time working mom with 2
    via u/OceanPro88
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    toddlers, she would send out her cards like the minute after thanksgiving. The first time that my friend told me she got my mom's card with our intended pic on it, I flipped my lid! Now, I'm very careful with what I share with them and if I think I have a
    via u/OceanPro88
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    contender for the card, I DO NOT SHARE IT. I send it to them as an xmas card, when I send them, same as everyone else! You have a right to privacy and boundaries. Also, pregnancy/birth complications in the US are insane so possibly premature.
    via u/OceanPro88
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    bobhand17123 1d ago • NTA. 1. "My grandchild too" = NOT his CHILD! You outrank him, and he takes orders from you, not the other way around. 2. "It's not a big deal" is not his call to make. (See above comment regarding rank.) 3. It's not their parade, sheesh.
    via u/bobhand17123
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    EmploymentOk1421 · 1d ago NTA, But the bigger issue is how they're gonna treat you next fall if don't let them send out a card with your newborn next to all the step grandchildren in your father's family.
    via u/EmploymentOk1421

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childcare Babies aita infant kids moms ultrasound parenting dad cute kids pregnant christmas card reddit thread parent Reddit raising kids Parenting Fail parents children Parenting FAILS
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