"I won't betray my wife": Man stands by wife of 5 years after brother's fiancée excludes her from wedding guest list for being "an attention seeker," family insists he attend alone

Author image for Ely Bulnes
Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Jan 26, 2025 5:00 PM EST

Welcome, women of the World Wide Web. The wedding guest list is an ever-shifting document. While there are plenty of draconian brides and wedding planners that would gladly close the door on anyone that they did not send an invite to, many cultures and social circles simply do not work like that. Many people travel in pairs and groups and expect to be accommodated if they are invited anywhere. Still, you have to put your foot down somewhere. It's fair to not allow your cousin to bring his summer fling to the wedding or your aunt to invite her bestie from spin class if you don't know her. However, it is best not to exclude someone's long-term spouse.

In our story today, a man's wife is essentially banned from his brother's wedding. His brother's fiancée finds his wife annoying and would prefer not to have her around on her special day. Our protagonist turns to the internet to decide what to do after his family proves divided in the conflict. Get all the details by scrolling down. 

Add as a preferred
source on Google
Advertisement
  • 01

    AITA skipping my brother's wedding because his fiancée excluded my wife guest list?

    "Lisa and I have been married for five years. She's part of this family. Excluding her feels. like a slap in the face, not just to her but to me as well."
    via jeremywongweddings

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    My brother James is getting married next month, and what should have been a joyous family event has turned into a nightmare. The issue? His fiancée, Emily, didn't invite my wife, Lisa, to the wedding.
    via u/GildedRosePrincess
  • 03
    Emily and Lisa have never been close, but I wouldn't call them enemies either. However, Emily has always seemed a bit cold toward Lisa. The tipping point was last year during a family vacation. Lisa, who's naturally outgoing and bubbly, struck up
    via u/GildedRosePrincess
  • 04
    conversations with everyone, including strangers at the resort. Emily, who's quieter and more reserved, seemed annoyed by this. After the trip, she told James that Lisa was "attention-seeking" and accused her of making the vacation all about herself. I didn't think much of it at the time, chalking it up to personality differences.
    via u/GildedRosePrincess
  • 05
    Cheezburger Image 10459669760
    via Prostock-studio

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 06
    Fast forward to now, and Emily has made it clear she doesn't want Lisa at her wedding. When I confronted James about it, he admitted it was Emily's decision and said he didn't want to push back because "it's her day." He added that I should respect Emily's wishes and come to the wedding alone, for the sake of family harmony.
    via u/GildedRosePrincess
  • 07
    I was stunned. Lisa and I have been married for five years. She's part of this family. Excluding her feels. like a slap in the face, not just to her but to me as well. When I told James I wouldn't attend without Lisa, he accused me of being dramatic and trying to punish him for something out of his control. He said I was letting Lisa's "hurt feelings" ruin his wedding day.
    via u/GildedRosePrincess

  • It really just sounds like she is jealous of our protagonist's girlfriend. She's just friendly and talkative; she's not going to show up to the wedding in white to steal her spotlight.

  • 08
    Our parents are divided. My dad says I'm right to stand by my wife and that James and Emily are being unreasonable. My mom, on the other hand, thinks I should just "keep the peace" and attend the wedding because "it's not worth destroying your relationship with your brother over one day."
    via u/GildedRosePrincess
  • 09
    Cheezburger Image 10459669504
    via Dalyn Creative Studio Team

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 10
    Lisa has been deeply hurt by the whole ordeal. She feels disrespected and excluded and told me she would never have done something like this if the roles were reversed. She's trying to be supportive of whatever decision I make, but I can tell she'd be devastated if I went to the wedding without her. It's put a strain on our marriage because she feels like I'm not standing up for her enough.
    via u/GildedRosePrincess
  • 11
    At the same time, James is my only sibling, and I've always thought we were close. I know skipping his wedding will hurt him, and it could permanently damage our relationship. Part of me wonders if I should just swallow my pride and go for his sake. But another part of me feels like this isn't just about one day it's about standing up for what's right.
    via u/GildedRosePrincess
  • 12
    I don't want to ruin my brother's wedding, but I also don't want to betray my wife or compromise my values. So, AITA for refusing to go to my brother's wedding without Lisa?
    via u/GildedRosePrincess

  • Someone tell this man that his brother's fiancée is the one ruining the wedding and causing drama!

  • 13
    Cheezburger Image 10459670272
    via IVASHstudio

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 14
    NTA. wugmuffin12 Turn it around on him and ask how he would feel if the roles were reversed? How would his fiancee feel if the roles were reversed? The fiancee is joining this family and she should bear that in mind. Your wife is already in that family. You can't choose who your family is, least of all who your siblings marry, but you can tolerate them. It's the fiancee who is causing this rift, not you.
    via u/wugmuffin12
  • 15
    coffeeandcoffeeand Sounds like Emily will be purposely excluded from all family gatherings from here on out. Hosting Christmas? Emily can't come. Family BBQ? Not if Emily is planning to attend. One of the kids is graduating! Emily isn't welcome. To keep the peace.
    via u/coffeeandcoffeeand
  • 16
    EvanCross- Like a misbehaving child or a dangerous dog.
    via u/EvanCross
  • 17
    Mikel_S Also, tell your brother it's not Lisa's hurt feelings, it's his too. She's his wife, and a part of the family. Brothers wife isn't just insulting your wife, she's insulting you by not allowing you to bring your wife for an incredibly petty reason.
    via u/Mikel_S
  • 18
    ridingfasst And his brother is not willing to cause a rift in his own relationship by confronting Emily over this. But he wants OP to potentially cause a problem with Lisa by going to the wedding without her.
    via u/ridingfasst
  • 19
    Embarrassed_Till_171 I was looking for this. Is the brother going to keep the piece when his wife isn't invited to OPs family events. In the event they have child will she happily miss the baby showers and other events and allow the brother to attend? I highly doubt it.
    via u/Embarrassed_Till_171
  • 20
    TransBrandi Sounds like she doesn't like OP's wife, so she may have no desire at all to attend events that are all about OP or his wife. Something to keep in mind when making this point.
    via u/TransBrandi
  • 21
    MogenCiel NTA. Stand by your wife and don't go. They probably won't be married long anyway. Women who do this kind of stuff tend to be really toxic and have a pattern of making unreasonable demands and disrupting their spouse's other relationships if given the power to. Skip the
    via u/MogenCiel
  • 22
    wedding, not just to make the statement to stand by your wife, but because your brother is such a limp noodle who's allowing this nonsense. At some point, he'll have to decide if he's gonna wear a leash or grow a pair.
    via u/MogenCiel
  • 23
    theophilustheway Yes. Inform your brother and parents that Emily will no longer ever be welcome at your home because it is your house. See if they are fine with that.
    via u/theophilustheway
  • 24
    EvanCross- "How dare you pull the uno reverse card trick on us??"
    via u/EvanCross-
  • 25
    naligu Nta Your wife needs to be your priority in this.
    via u/naligu
  • 26
    RubyWalkerr By refusing to go, you're showing her that you're on her side and that you won't tolerate anyone treating her poorly, not even your own brother.
    via u/RubyWalkerr
  • 27
    Huge-Excitement-8798 This. And you need to put pressure on your parents, especially your mother. You are not the one that is not "keeping the peace", your brother's AH of a fiancé is.
    via u/Huge-Excitement-8798
  • 28
    Tell your mother that if she continues this ridiculous antics and does not back you up, you will go low or no contact with her and your brother. Also let her know that this will include any relationship with current or future grandchildren.
    via u/Huge-Excitement-8798
  • 29
    What the fiancé is doing is controlling, ride and is purposely trying to destroy your and your wife's relationship with your family.
    via u/Huge-Excitement-8798
  • 30
    ETA: Make sure you let anyone know that the fiancé purposely excluding your wife. Because the flying monkeys will show up.
    via u/Huge-Excitement-8798
  • 31
    Awkward-Abrocoma-660 I think OP should be putting pressure on brother, too. He absolutely has some control over the situation. He's not helpless to go along with his fiancee. He doesn't even have to marry her.
    via u/Awkward-Abrocoma-660
  • 32
    _iron_butterfly_ NTA - Do not go without your wife. Emily is causing the division, not you. It's your brother's day too. He should have a huge say on who attends HIS wedding. If anything, standing by your wife's side will show him how to be a better husband or maybe to consider finding a better wife.
    via u/_iron_butterfly_
  • 33
    False-Statistician29 NTA if you don't go. You can either ruin your relationship with your brother or ruin your relationship with your wife. I gave up doing things to keep the peace. I am not mean or say whatever comes to my mind but don't allow others emotions make my decisions. It is about what protects those I have relationship that deserve to be protected.
    via u/False-Statistician29
  • 34
    Character-Nature-259 "I gave up doing things to keep the peace." What a great, liberating thing. comment. Love this
    via u/Character-Nature-259
  • 35
    NTA sin_smith_3 If your brother is willing to exclude your wife in favor of his fiancee, he is the one choosing to disrupt your family. That behavior is problematic and probably a look into your future relationship with your brother. I wouldn't be surprised if the exclusion of your wife continues, or worsens. Your new SIL will keep pushing as long as she gets what she wants.
    via u/sin_smith_3

Tags

family drama marriage wedding drama toxic siblings wife reddit story relationships husband wedding couples love entitled reddit thread red flag bridezilla Reddit
Scroll Down For The Next Article