25-year-old daughter lives with mom, refuses to pay rent although she has a full-time job and no college debt: 'She thinks it's my responsibility to support her financially'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Jan 27, 2025 4:00 PM EST

One of the most controversial topics surrounding parents with adult children is how much support they should give them, especially when it comes to money. Some moms and dads expect them to contribute to the household as soon as they are of legal working age, and others have no problem supporting the lifestyle of their kids long after most of their peers have become financially independent. 

How parents feel about this particular challenge can depend on a number of factors. Differences in parenting styles, life philosophies, and perhaps most importantly, finances all contribute to how they may approach this. It is not uncommon for this issue to cause disagreements in families, usually when someone thinks that their parent or kid is acting entitled when they don't deserve it. More often than not, it is the parents who find themselves inconvenienced by the choices that their children make at their expense.

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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • This is something that one mom has found herself struggling with. She has a son and a daughter who are both in their twenties, working full-time, and living with her. As a result, she has asked them both to contribute to the household expenses as she hopes to save some extra money for her retirement. While her son has no problem with this, her daughter has protested as she believes it is her parental responsibility to support her until she moves out. This led her to question whether she was being too harsh on her kids.

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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    AITA for charging my adult children rent?

    1 49F have 2 adult children who both still live at home, Emma 25F and lan 23M. Their father and I divorced 12 years ago so it's been the 3 of us for a while now. I had received child support until they turned 18. Their father had paid it willingly so it wasn't arranged through the courts. This is why he stopped at 18 even though they were both technically still in school.
    via New-Map-6851
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    Fast forward to present day. They both work full time, don't have any debt from school, and both still live at home. I have asked them repeatedly to contribute a set amount each month towards household expenses since I can't continue supporting them forever. Ian doesn't have a problem with this, but Emma thinks it's my responsibility as her mother to support her financially until she's ready to move out. I'm not asking them for much or trying to profit from them, I just want to be able to save f
    via New-Map-6851
  • 05
    Some of my daughter's friends live at home for free, but those friends also live in a home with both parents working. My daughter has actually said she will quit her job and go on social assistance just so she can't afford to pay me rent. So internet strangers, AITA for asking my adult children to pay rent to live at home?
    via New-Map-6851
  • 06

    Unsurprisingly, people were not impressed with the daughter's behavior.

    StAlvis ΝΤΑ Emma thinks it's my responsibility as her mother to support her financially until she's ready to move out. Emma has some wild ideas. My daughter has actually said she will quit her job and go on social assistance just so she can't afford to pay me rent. You know, what? F the $100 a week. Kick her ungrateful ass out, yesterday. She thinks this is a true that is. game. Show her exactly how
    via StAlvis

    There comes a point in everyone's life where they need to support themselves if they are able without parental help. It looks like this mom may hav to make her daughter learn the hard way.

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    Undoubtedlygiveup Sorry OP, you do not deserve that. I second this comment. Emma can go out and learn some real world problems and responsibilities. It's time to kick her out. The fact that she threatened you. she threatened you to stop working and go on assistance like if that means that she will have no responsibility still... like how insane to think like that. I'm sorry, but the second that happened, sorry child, you're out. She is ungrateful and crazy. Sorry to put it that way. And ma'am, $
    via Undoubtedlygiveup
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    thecapitalpointehole NTA. I would say it is time to tell your daughter if she can't pay you rent/shared expenses money, then it is time for her to move out. Maybe she needs to learn how living on her own costs to appreciate what you have been providing or what a great deal $100/week is. She is an adult. You shouldn't be subsidizing her to your detriment.
    via thecapitalpointehole
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    Lex-tailonis Because you can bet if she balks at now $100 she will be worse when you need help in your old age. Even if you point out you need the help because you took care of her for so long. NTA Time for her to go!
    via Lex-tailonis
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    mirageofstars Yep 100%. This daughter is the same sort of kid who won't help her poor mother in retirement.
    via mirageofstars
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    amphetamine709 I agree with this 100%. My only question is - how would OP go about getting someone like this out of her house? I'm sure Emma won't just leave, even if OP asks.
    via amphetamine709
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    Ok-Raspberry7884 Either through a legal eviction process which would take time or by making it more annoying to live there. Lock up all the food - she's not paying for it so it's not hers to eat. Change the wifi password, she's not paying for it so she can't use it. Basically remove as many things as possible that she's not paying for except for the housing.
    via Ok-Raspberry7884
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    KatyClaws NTA, 23 and 25 is plenty old to be paying rent - especially if they don't have loans to pay off. Plus, I would imagine that what you plan to charge them is well below market rate. I'm 27 and have been living independently since I was 18 in one of the most expensive regions of the US, and I am by no means a high earner. My brother was kicked out of our parents house when he was 22 and also manages to survive in a relatively expensive area on very limited income. Your kids are very lucky
    via KatyClaws
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    Minute_Push_5676 My son started paying a portion once he was employed. He will even pay extra when he knows the electricity will increase when he is crafting. I am lucky. He splits the bills down the middle. He pays half, I pay half. He will even give me more on months he makes extra. His reasoning: Mom, you are on a fixed income. I want you to be able to buy yourself something you want for a change. Not just what you need! I am very lucky to have a son like him.
    via Minute_Push_5676
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    Flat_Contribution707 NTA. Tell Emma that she has 3 options: 1. Start paying a hundred a week to cover what she uses so she can still live with you 2. Convince her Dad to let her move into his place so he can 100% support her indefinately 3. Find her own place alone or with roommates. Tell her the free ride is over. You love her but you're not going to subsidize a mooch.
    via Flat_Contribution707
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    bokatan 778 NTA, but honestly I think it would be best for everyone if Emma moved out. Give her a 30 or 60 day notice. She desperately needs to experience real life.
    via bokatan778
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    RelativeFondant9569 Also, threatening to apply for assistance under false presences. (She has a job, quitting out of spite) that's Super Gross! That's potentially taking money from people that Actually need it.
    via RelativeFondant9569
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    houseonpost NTA: If they were going to school I wouldn't charge rent. But given they are working there should be a nominal rent. $400 for rent and groceries etc is very reasonable. I'd be more assertive and tell, not ask. Sounds like lan will pay which will make it seem easier to get Emma to pay. I'd change the password on the internet and give it only to people who pay their rent. Time to unfeather the nest.
    via houseonpost
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    ConstantAffect4798 NTA I had a deal with my parents as soon as I stopped education I had to start contributing. It wasn't a lot £200-£300 a month ($250-$375) which allowed me to still save up for my own place and do what I wanted too like trips or buying a car etc. Teaching financial responsibility isn't easy. Good luck!
    via ConstantAffect4798
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    Dangerous_Deer488 My daughter has actually said she will quit her job and go on social assistance just so she can't afford to pay me rent. Wow it's like the adult equivalent of "making me do chores is against child labor law!" That's really gross and manipulative coming from an adult. It sounds like she really does need to move out to understand how expensive it is to exist. I would give her a set amount of time to decide if she's paying rent or moving. You aren't kicking her out, she has option
    via Dangerous_Deer488
  • 21
    banksyswife NTA. It was your responsibility to raise them until they were capable of being self sufficient adults. Job done. Good work, mama. It is not like you are extorting them, ask them to chip in and help pay for their own existence is 100% reasonable.
    via banksyswife
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    Darwynnia NTA. You supported her into adulthood and beyond. She's 25. She's got a job, no school debt - and it's time she left the nest. Inform her she has 90 days to find a new place to live, or you will begin eviction proceedings. Otherwise, she can SIGN A CONTRACT stating she will pay you rent, or you will begin eviction proceedings. No one gets a free ride until 'they're ready to move out'
    via Darwynnia

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