Woman hides medical condition from husband that prevents her from having children, leads him on for years about future family: "This wasn't some small ommission"

Advertisement
  • 01

    AITA for feeling betrayed after my wife hid that she could never have kids until years into our marriage?

    "It wasn't even just that she couldn't have kids it was that she knew all - along and never told me."
  • 02
    I (34M) met my wife (33F) about ten years ago. From the very beginning, I knew she was special. We clicked instantly-same sense of humor, same life goals (or so I thought), and just an overwhelming feeling of "this is the person I want to build a life with."
  • 03
    As we dated, I made it very clear that I've always wanted a family. I wasn't pushy about it, but I talked about how I looked forward to being a dad one day, how I wanted to raise kids and create a loving home together. She never gave any indication that she didn't want that too. She would smile, nod, and sometimes even talk about what kind of parent she thought she'd be.
  • 04
    Fast forward a few years, we get married. It was the happiest day of my life. I loved this woman with my whole heart, and I truly believed we were on the same page about everything that mattered.
  • 05
    Cheezburger Image 10463041792
  • 06
    Then, a few years into our marriage, we start talking more seriously about trying for kids. That's when she finally drops the bombshell-she has known since before we even met that she has a medical condition that makes it impossible for her to conceive. Not unlikely. Not difficult. Impossible.
  • 07
    I was stunned. It wasn't even just that she couldn't have kids-it was that she knew all along and never told me. Not when we were dating. Not when I expressed over and over how much I wanted children. Not before we got married.
  • 08
    Cheezburger Image 10463040768
  • 09
    When I asked her why she never told me, she just said she "didn't want to lose me" and hoped that by the time we got to this point, I would love her enough that it wouldn't matter. She also admitted that she was scared I would leave if I knew.
  • 10
    And now? I don't even know how to feel. I love her-I loved her. But I can't shake this overwhelming feeling of betrayal. This wasn't some small omission. She took away my ability to make an informed decision about my future. She knew this was a dealbreaker for me and just... lied by omission.
  • 11
    I feel trapped. I feel cheated. And worst of all, I don't know what to do next. Reddit, what would you do?
  • 12
    Cheezburger Image 10463041280
  • 13
    Agoraphobe961 NTA. Even if you had loved her enough it wouldn't matter, she has completely misrepresented the person you fell in love with. Not just about the kids but that she could carry on a multi-year lie without batting an eyelash. What else is she lying about?
  • 14
    Curious-One4595 NTA. She removed your agency. She deceived you. She robbed you of time to move toward a future you want on a fundamental compatibility issue.
  • 15
    You will recover from this, my man. But not with her. You need to let her go. She is not for you. She will always serve her own needs before yours, in any way, ethical or unethical, that she can. Go have the family you want. With someone who wants you and wants what you want.
  • 16
    BojackTrashMan It's incredible to me when someone thinks a good reason for a lie is if you knew the truth, you would use your agency to make a different choice, and I couldn't allow that So many people think this a valid reason for a lie, it's wild.
  • 17
    Rwhitechocmuffin I agree. Complete misrepresentation. My partner loved me enough to choose me because I gave him the choice.
  • 18
    I was in a similar situation starting the relationship with my partner who wanted children, it was brought up on or first or second date. I had to tell him that it would be nearly impossible to have kids naturally and IVF would only have a very slim chance of working if I wanted to try.
  • 19
    It was a hard choice for him and I was ready to accept rejection, but to my surprise we continued our relationship, moved in together, we decided to be completely child free together and not go down the painful road of IVF with the low prospects. Then I discovered I fell pregnant naturally and have a nearly 3 year old, he is a great father!
  • 20
    Wynonna_DH In many ways, it's worse than if she'd cheated. Their ENTIRE marriage is built on a LIE! There's no way I could ever forgive her if I was OP and he can never trust anything she ever says ever again! Sorry dude, but that marriage is over, how can he ever look at her and not her her lies and betrayal?
  • 21
    onebadimpala68 She only cared about protecting herself and you should now do the same.
  • 22
    SeaworthinessDry3578 NTA. This is a massive breach of trust. She deliberately withheld critical information that directly impacts your life goals and future. Her excuse of "not wanting to lose you" is pure manipulation. She robbed you of the chance to make an informed decision about your own life path.
  • 23
    Wanting children is a fundamental life choice, and she knew from the start this was impossible for her. Instead of being honest, she strung you along, hoping you'd just accept it after falling in love. That's not love - that's emotional manipulation.
  • 24
    You have every right to feel betrayed. This isn't just about not having kids - it's about the complete lack of honesty and respect she showed you. Her actions show she was more concerned with keeping you than respecting your dreams and autonomy.
  • 25
    Your feelings are valid. Counseling might help, but this is a serious breach of trust that fundamentally changes your relationship's foundation.
  • 26
    SummerTimeRedSea NTA you will never forget, she is completly selfish, she manipulatd you just for her wants. Do you see yourself without children who was a dealbreaker for someone who completly disregarded your feeling? She never thought about you so please do it for yourself you are still young.
  • 27
    KingleOn1das Definitely a tough situation. I get her fear, but she really should've been honest from the start. It's not just about what she wanted, but about giving you the choice to decide what was best for you too.

Tags

Scroll Down For The Next Article