Update: ‘My brother-in-law apologized profusely for his wife's behavior’: Woman’s controlling sister-in-law demands to parent her niece as a daughter, her invasive co-parenting attempts spark fierce family battle over parenting rights

Author image for Etai Eshet
Etai Eshet • Editor
Feb 5, 2025 5:00 PM EST

Remember our tale about the passionate villager who tried to annex her sister-in-law's child? Well, grab your popcorn, because this story just got an upgrade. Turns out, when you tell someone they can't seize your toddler, they might just show up unannounced for bonding time like a door-to-door salesperson peddling forced siblinghood.

The saga of the Sister-in-Law Who Confused Aunting with Adoption has reached its natural conclusion. 

After an unanticipated house call, and what sounds like the world's most awkward family intervention, boundaries have been established. The village charter has been revised, and the borders between the family states have been cemented. And they don't include free passing or timeshare parenting.

Displaying the patience of a saint and the backbone of a titanium alloy, our wife laid down rules that basically translate to loving aunt: yes, unauthorized co-parent: NO.

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  • "Update - SIL WANTS TO RAISE OUR KIDS AS SIBLINGS"

    "My Brother-in-law promised us she will not be parenting our daughter"
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  • But the surprising part here is that an actual apology materialized – though whether it was sincere or just a tactical retreat remains to be seen. Our girl is keeping her guard up, because sometimes "I'm sorry" means "I'll try harder next time to not get caught."

  • Hello people. Thank you so much for all the advice. 70% of the people told me to stay away from my SIL and 30% told me to be empathetic towards her struggle. Following your advice we came to a conclusion.
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  • Remember people: It takes a village to raise a child, but that village should probably have a decent security system. And maybe a good lawyer on speed dial.

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  • This Saturday since my husband is working from home me and my daughter went to my parents house. We had a pool party. It was so fun. After the party I was checking my phone, there were missed calls from my SIL and husband. I called my
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  • husband and found out that my SIL came to our house with my nephew for bonding time. My husband firmly told her not to come unannounced and we already had other plans. There were messages from my BIL to please meet at a cafe the next day.
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  • Me and my husband decided we will be meeting with only my BIL.
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  • Next day we met my BIL. He apologized profusely for his wife's behaviour. He had no idea about her plan. He promised us she will not be parenting our daughter. He explained the reason behind her behaviour. My
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  • SIL doesn't have a good relationship with her parents. Considering how well my MIL treated her, she wanted to fulfill my MIL's wishes about granddaughter. So she always hoped she could have a daughter.
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  • Me and my husband accepted his apology and laid out our boundaries • no more showing up unannounced my SIL is SAHM, she used to drop her kid with me every week for a few hours to have alone time. We decided
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  • no more dropping their kid at our home. Kids will be meeting only at the monthly brunch at my in-laws home. I don't my daughter to go completely no contact with her cousin. My kid isn't going to their
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  • house. I also don't think it's right to ask a mother to drop the kid and get out of the house. So we will not be taking care of the nephew every
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  • week. ⚫ we are going low contact with SIL and no more talking about sharing the kids. • she will not be alone with my daughter under any circumstance. ⚫I expect an apology from her. •
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  • My BIL was disappointed but agreed with the conditions. He told us he doesn't even want to have anymore kids because they cannot afford it.
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  • My husband, MIL and BIL went to talk to her. Apparently my husband was stern with her. He was furious about parenting our daughter and treating the kids like props. He isn't interested in doing father- son things with him.
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  • We will be the aunt and uncle that spoils him. That's all that's it. She isn't going to be our daughter's confidant. She is never going to parent our kid. She actually lost all the privileges of an aunt. She isn't going to be alone
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  • with our daughter under any circumstances. My MIL assured her she loves her grandchildren equally. My BIL wanted her to go through an evaluation but she firmly refused. She understands she crossed boundaries and she respects our space but she
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  • isn't going to a doctor. She was just dealing with the loss of not having anymore kids. She apologized to my husband and MIL. she texted me a few hours later and apologized. For now we will stick to the rules. I feel like her apology is sincere but I am going to maintain the distance. I will be protecting my kid.
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  • I read each and every comment so I will be answering a few questions. What's my husband and BIL opinion on this? They are not okay with the arrangement and shocked too.
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  • What's wrong with having a close relationship? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I Love my nephew. But I am not going to raise them like siblings. I am happy if they have a close relationship but I am not going to force them to act like siblings. I am not happy she decided everything about their lives.
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  • What about security? We have strong security and wonderful neighbours. I already informed them about the situation briefly they told me they have my back. SIL and BIL don't have keys. Neither does my in- laws. I am going to check the brakes and locks frequently. Also in case something happens my parents will be getting custody of my daughter.
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  • What about SIL and nephew? I told my husband about PPD. He discussed with BIL and MIL. They tried talking to SIL but she is reluctant to go. My BIL promised he is going to make sure she will start therapy. My nephew is happy and healthy, he is well taken care of. We will be checking upon him frequently.
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  • Someone called me AI. LOL that's really funny. From now, we will be visiting my in- laws house confirming SIL isn't going to be there.
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  • My daughter visits the park regularly so she will not be deprived of meeting with people her age. We also decided my best friend's parents or my parents will be taking our kid in case of an emergency. My daughter loves my best friends kids ( 4F, 7F) so I guess there will be no problem. Anytime my MIL misses her granddaughter she is welcome in our house.
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  • Thank you guys truly. If there are any queries, I am happy to answer. Me and my husband had so much discussion regarding everything. It's a combined decision. I didn't go with him because we thought she would
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  • feel ganged up. So my husband handled it. Until something major happens I will not be updating. P.S - I did read the story about women whose SIL wanted their baby, i it scared the sh out of me
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  • Ancient Table_9822 I'm glad it's starting to work itself out! I know how scary it can be when someone starts to make demands about your life and how it's going to be and what you're going to do. It's terrifying and feels like a slip of control or like you suddenly appeared in the twilight zone.
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  • I wish you and your family all the healing that you need! Keep us posted if anything changes or you need to rant. No telling if she'll stay consistent with her apologies and boundaries
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  • Mystic_babygirl NTA you're just setting boundaries and protecting your kid, totally get where you're coming from
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  • PaleFig5 Good to see BIL stepping up. Hope SIL gets the help she needs. Keep those boundaries FIRM. This could easily escalate again.
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