‘My brother's being a brother-zilla': Couple decide to elope at city hall and invite only close loved ones, brother of the bride disapproves and throws a tantrum

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Elna McHilderson • Managing Editor
Feb 9, 2025 5:00 PM EST

We have all been led to believe that weddings are for the couple getting married. That it is a celebration of love between two people you love. But JOKE is on the couple, because, let's be honest, the wedding is not for them. It is for the friends and family, especially, the family. Usually it's the parents that get all up in a tizzy about what they want the wedding to be like. "Oh, well you have to invited you're aunt's best friend Mildred! She would just be heartbroken if you didn't." Like, "auntie's bestie Mildred? Are you serious, mom?? The last time I saw her I was in diapers!" And now your mom is mad at you and can't believe you would be "so selfish." You can't catch a break. 

 

The one person you think would have your back during this stressful ordeal is your sibling. Unfortunately, in the case of this Redditor, her younger brother was the main issues. Her and her fiancé decided to have a small and simple wedding that just included an elopement at city hall and the celebratory drinks near by after words—on them, of course. For some reason, the brother was mortified by this plan… 

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    via Unsplash+ (and Curated Lifestyle)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

    The bride is upset, because she wants to be a good sister, but it is her wedding, right? Yes! And other Redditors agree. She needs to stand her ground and tell her little brother to grow up, it's not all about him. 

  • My (35 F) brother (33 M) is heavily critisizing my future wedding and I need help to decide if he has a point TL;DR My brother hates my wedding plans and wants me to change everything, he may not even come to the wedding This will be a long post
    via Justkeepitanonymous
  • My (35F) brother (33M) has been angry with me ever since I shared with him my wedding plans. I can't seem to see thing his way and I need external opinion. Me and my boyfriend are getting married in a few months and before I detail why my brother is angry, I want to give you a few details about the wedding venue.
    via Justkeepitanonymous
  • - We decided on a day event elope at the government building at noon and take our guests for a small cocktail in an event hall afterwards. Venue is planned for a Sunday in the city where we live and our friends live. The parents and other relatives from both sides live in another town - about a 2 hr. drive., brother lives in a town 1 h 30 min drive. There is not going to be a restaurant-style sit-down event, it will be a cocktail type informal gathering.
    via Justkeepitanonymous
  • We had other ideas, but after much deliberation we decided to go for this. Ever since I first mentioned the event he started giving me reasons why we should not do it like this. First was the date - why should it be a Sunday, that was a bad choice in his opinion. The choice of the day was not our first wish, but government building availability made it impossible to choose another date. We realize that we may need to book hotel rooms for
    via Justkeepitanonymous
  • some guests and that 2 or 3 relatives may need to take 1 day out of work or not attend, we're prepared to take that chance and disappoint someone. But this will be probably 2 or 3 people, not everyone. I can only do so much with the available dates for elopement. Then it was the city - why are we getting married there, why not travel to our hometown to get married instead? I want to get
    via Justkeepitanonymous
  • Cheezburger Image 10465355264
    via Unsplash+ (and Curated Lifestyle)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • married in the city where I live and where my friends live, where access to booking an elopement date is easier and where I don't need to travel to get married and back. Also the relatives who may need to travel to attend are by far fewer people than the friends who would need to travel and book hotels and such in my hometown. Probably around 10- 12 relatives from both side may come and need to take a 2 hr drive as opposed to probably 40 friends.
    via Justkeepitanonymous
  • There aren't even any decent hotels in my hometown, booking anything reasonable for the guests would be a nightmare. Also I can't help but notice that there is some hypocrisy involved here since my brother got married in the city where he lives and made everyone travel to attend (friends + relatives), but I guess in his mind that doesn't count since he did book accommodation. Either way since
    via Justkeepitanonymous
  • he lives in a third city - not where I live nor our hometown, he will need to travel anyway, in terms of distance it's so similar it's not even worth mentioning. Then he had arguments against the venue. Why am I choosing a cocktail hall with not many sitdown options and drinks and food? As a matter of fact, there are sitdown options and there will be drinks and food, it's just not going to be a restaurant. Then he
    via Justkeepitanonymous
  • said that the idea of doing it during the day was not great since he considers a wedding to be a more suitable event for the evening. Neither me nor my future husband are big on evening events, the venue hall is not open after 9 pm and we still want to give an option to people who want to leave early and go home so they can be at work the next day. Hence it's an afternoon event which will probably end around 6-7 pm. This way
    via Justkeepitanonymous
  • everyone who wants to skip the drinks and take a commute home can do so. Everyone else will be able to stay at a hotel. This does not seem to satisfy him and he got mad at me because in his opinion I was insulting the relatives who may not be able to attend or not enjoy the event in this form. I think that everyone has a right to decide for themselves whether they want to come or not, I will not be cross with anyone who chooses not to.
    via Justkeepitanonymous
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    via Unsplash+ (and Getty Images)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • I told him I am fully upfront with everyone about the venue parameters and location and will let them choose for themselves without any pressure on my end. He said this is not right, that I shouldn't have told our relatives anything and I should've just gotten married with our friends alone, then tell relatives after the fact and but them diner to celebrate.
    via Justkeepitanonymous
  • Neither me nor my husband consider it appropriate to hide from our relatives the fact that we're getting married, no matter what the venue is. Also, we have neither the time nor the money to afford two separate wedding celebrations and even if we did, we simply don't want to. We especially don't want to rob our relatives of the possibility to decide for themselves whether or not they want to attend our celebration, no matter how untraditional it might be. It feels
    via Justkeepitanonymous
  • hypocritical to me to plan a wedding event for months, without mentioning it in front of relatives we regularly meet at least once every 4-5 weeks. We went ahead and told some of the relatives already about the event and the type of venue and nobody seems to be offended like my brother said they would be. I personally see nothing. offensive here and am baffled to understand why brother would think someone would get
    via Justkeepitanonymous
  • offended? Everyone we told said they're very happy for us and that they will need some time to decide if they can attend. I understand that. What I do not understand is why my brother's opinion is that my relatives will get offended if we invite them to an event that requires travel and accommodation (which we will help with) and that we're better off not telling them at all and not inviting them.
    via Justkeepitanonymous
  • Please tell me where am I wrong and what is it that I don't see here. In this way I see the possibility that my brother may not even bother to attend, he was being rather aggressive with his points and absolutely angry that I do not see things his way.
    via Justkeepitanonymous
  • EDIT: People have told me that I am using the word "elope" incorrectly because "elopement" means getting married in secret. I didn't know that, English is not my first language and we live in Eastern Europe. Maybe it's a bit different here in terms of traditions and marriage laws than it is where you're from so apologies if I'm getting you confused.
    via Justkeepitanonymous
  • LBelle0101 Your brother is being a . Not his wedding, he can keep his opinions to himself Plus_Data_1099 He sounds more jealous and bitter
    via LBelle0101
  • FleeshaLoo Her brother sounds like a Type A control freak with all his bold statements about how others will or should feel about OP's wedding plans. I would ask him if this is some deep-rooted issue he has. Like, was it his secret lifelong dream to be a dictator or wedding planner, or a Dictator of Weddings. I think OP should just laugh and "Sure Jan" everything he says.
    via FleeshaLoo
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    via Unsplash+ (and CHUTTERSNAP)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • happycamper44m Your brother wants you to have the wedding he wants so that it accommodates him rather than wanting you to have the wedding you want. He is being an a h_le. Carry on with the wedding you want and congrats.
    via happycamper44m
  • Fun_Arrival_4281 Seriously! This wedding actually sounds fun. Such a low pressure event focused on togetherness as opposed to most weddings that are focused on how expensive everything is/looks and how much money the guests need to spend on you. Is OP's Bro paying for the wedding? No? Then he has lost it if he thinks he actually has a say in anything beyond what he chooses to drink/eat at the reception.
    via Fun_Arrival_4281
  • Inevitable_Lion_4944 This doesn't seem to be actually about the wedding, as there's nothing particularly wild about your plans. It's definitely a problem with your brother. How is your relationship otherwise? Has he always been critical of you like this? Or is this new for the wedding? Does he get along with your boyfriend? Is it a jealousy thing. Don't change your plans for the wedding, it sounds like a lovely day. But to fix what's going on with your brother you need to work out what the actua
    via Inevitable_Lion_4944
  • Justkeepitanonymous OP To be completely honest, my brother doesn't really get along with anyone very well and my future husband is the polar opposite - you have to be a real a not to get along with him. So I don't really know how to answer the question truthfully. As for critical, he is generally sceptical and critical of almost everyone so I don't think it's personal, but I am struggling to see if he is just being his regular complaining self or does he have a point.
    via Justkeepitanonymous

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