Woman finds out husband has been paying his sister's mortgage after telling woman they can't afford to buy a house: 'I don’t understand why he would find this so embarrassing to hide it from me, his wife'

Author image for Baiz Hoen
Baiz Hoen
Feb 14, 2025 7:00 AM EST

There's always one person in our lives who we can never trust with money and always seems to need it. You go out to dinner with them and cover the bill because they insist on paying you back, but you know that money will never get back to you. Even when they ask to borrow money, promising it's just a loan, you fork over the cash knowing you'll never see it again. The invention of money-sharing apps has made it a little bit easier to hold these people accountable, but they can still swindle their way out of paying and back into our hearts. Eventually, you just have to accept that this person is never going to change and make sure that whenever you go out together, it's for a cheap meal.

If your life's leech person gets ahold of someone with a heart and wallet, that's when you enter the danger zone. One woman faces this issue when she learns that her husband has been funding his sister and mother's lifestyle and has been lying to her about it. In this case, does family come before everything? Or is there a time and place to cut someone off?

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    "AITAH for asking my husband to stop funding my MIL and SIL’s lifestyle."

    My husband (m38) and I (f36) have been married for six years now. My pay has always been double his, so I've been taking care of most of the household expenses like rent, insurance, and utilities, while he handles the groceries. I've asked him multiple
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    groceries. I've asked him multiple times for the past few years about having a baby and buying a house, but he's always made excuses, saying we don't have enough money for either. So, I've been saving as much as I can and putting in extra effort at work to earn more.
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    Recently, I found out that he's been buying a house for his sister (f36, not married) and paying the mortgage on it for the past couple of years. On top of that, he's been funding their lifestyle and trips, even though his sister has a good salary and is working.
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    I feel hurt because he lied to me about our financial situation. He made me believe that he couldn't help us build a life together, while I've been managing everything- our expenses, trips, and even saving for a future home. I asked him to stop sending money to his sister, but he refuses to stop paying the mortgage.
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    What should I do? Edit: We had a huge fight when I accidentally found out that his earning way more than what he told me and I even asked for a divorce. He started crying and said he was embarrassed to tell me the truth. Apparently, his
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    me the truth. Apparently, his father doesn't have any money, and they've never owned a house. He wanted to buy a home for his mom. His sister took out the home loan, and so the house is under her name, even though he's been paying the mortgage. I don't understand why he would find this so embarrassing to hide it from me, his wife. He said he'll
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    it from me, his wife. He said he'll start saving for our future home, but he insists on continuing to pay the mortgage because he doesn't want to burden his sister.
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    By the way, his sister (f36) isn't married and is living with my MIL in the house he bought. We have separate accounts and so it was easy for him to lie about his salary and how much he could pitch in.
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    Commenters took this woman's side, and told her she might even need to lawyer up.

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    Nta. You need to get out of that situation. Are you sure that YOU are not the one paying for his sisters house?
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    NTA It sounds like you are wife #3. Maybe you need a husband only has one wife.
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    See a lawyer and get legal advice. That's the first step. Whether there is any coming back from this is for you to decide but you need to protect yourself before you make any moves. For me this would be unforgivable
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    This is a divorce level lie. You need to seriously consider whether you want to be with a man that will see to his sister and ignore his wife. NTA
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    He is using you. You don't know if his sister is helping him out, by putting the house under her name. If he divorces you then he keeps the house because it's not under his name. You are literally funding and making this possible because he doesn't have to pay for anything at home, besides groceries.
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    Pre-Nup, people!

    I would be so hurt by this that I would leave him. If you are not going to do that, then you need to start splitting everything in half and get your sister or someone you trust to do the same for you, use their name to buy a house. That way when you split the house is yours.
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    The biological clock is ticking...

    Also, I say this kindly, he doesn't want to have children with you. That's just an excuse. If I were you I would leave him. You are still young enough that you can find someone that actually does want to start a real family with you. Hopefully someone you don't have to sponsor and can pull their own weight.
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    NTA. Your husband has been lying to you for years while secretly prioritizing his sister and mother over your marriage. It's not just the financial betrayal, it's the emotional and trust betrayal, too. He let you carry most of the household expenses, rejected your dreams of a home and a child, all while funding someone else's lifestyle.
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    You have every right to demand transparency and fairness in your marriage. If he refuses to stop prioritizing them over your future, you need to rethink this relationship. A serious conversation (and possibly legal/financial protection) is necessary.
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