Mother gives pregnant daughter the silent treatment for saying she prefers her partner's cooking, kick-starting unexpected rivalry: "She's literally a professional chef"

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    My (34F) mother (49F) has abandoned me because I said my wife (32F) is a better cook. What do I even do with this?

    "She felt betrayed and offended that I had said my wife was a better cook than her." 1211
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    Throwaway because I'm a tattoo artist and use my Reddit for work and don't want my coworkers or my apprentices to know about this.
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    Disclaimer that I am not another straight man mama's boy on Reddit who hates his wife. I'm a lesbian married to an absolutely incredible snack of a woman who is the light of my life and I would go to war for her. We've been together for 10 years, expecting our first baby next month.
  • 04
    Me and my mother have always been EXTREMELY close. As you can probably see from the ages, she had me very young and when I was little we were more like best friends. She was still my mother and
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    wasn't overly permissive or anything, we were just really close because my bio dad ran off before I was born so all we had was eachother for a long time. This behaviour is REALLY weird for her and I need her support right now so I have to fix this but don't know what to do.
  • 06
    A few weeks ago, me and my wife went to a belated New Year's dinner at my parents' house to catch up with some family who couldn't be here for Christmas/NYE. Everything went great, lots of excitement about our baby obviously, just normal family stuff.
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    After dinner we sat down for card games/board games like we always do at family gatherings. I can't remember what it's called but we have some old 'family trivia' type game where you pick a card and
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    everybody has to answer a question. Things like 'who is Person A's favourite singer' or 'who at the table is most likely to XYZ'. Less enjoyable than I remembered without being a few drinks deep but still funny.
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    At one point we got the question 'who at the table is the best chef'. An important detail is that my wife is an incredible cook. She's a private chef now but worked in restaurants for years and was a head chef by her mid 20s. On top of that, her family is half
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    Malaysian/Chinese and half Spanish, so she's always cooking delicious food from her heritage as well. Cooking is one of her love languages and there's always something amazing going on in our kitchen, so of course I said her.
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    Most people at the table said my mother (including my wife, because my mother cooked dinner that night and she's very polite. My mother is also a very good cook). A couple of family members said their spouses like I did. We all laughed it off and carried on but my mother was very cold and distant towards me the rest of the night.
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    We have a 'text every day, quick phone call every few days' relationship so the next day I messaged her asking if she wanted to come over after she was done with work (she had said something before about wanting to drop off some of my brother's
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    baby clothes and I'm on maternity leave so I was home). She didn't reply but I just assumed she was busy. The day after I asked if she wanted to come over after our 3D/4D ultrasound that day or even
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    come with us if she had time, but she didn't reply again. I actually got really worried then because she's been excited about her first grandchild so I called my stepdad, who said she was fine but didn't want to talk to me.
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    Eventually I managed to get through to her and asked why she was ignoring me. She said something about how I had hurt her really badly and needed time away from me to think for herself. I was absolutely shocked as I had no idea what she was
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    talking about and was in pieces begging her to explain. She said she was betrayed and offended that I had said my wife was a better cook than her. If I wasn't so upset at the time I would've laughed,
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    thinking it was a joke, but she was completely serious. I asked if that was really it and she said yes, that she should come first for things like that because she's my mother, even if my wife is a professional chef.
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    I have no idea what to do from here. I feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone or on some kind of awful prank show. I love my mother so much and I don't know why she's doing this to me, and if she went so far as to pull some kind of 'ultimatum' I would choose my wife 100%, but I don't want to lose our relationship.
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    I'm 37 weeks pregnant and already dealing with everything that comes with that, but I had wanted her to be there for the birth as well and I don't want to sour this new amazing chapter in our lives. I love her but I'm worried this means she doesn't actually like the family me and my wife have made for ourselves, and I don't know how to fix this.
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    Exact Algae4573 You are absolutely in the twilight zone! Your mother is absolutely bananas. Absurd that she has such low self esteem that she can't handle the fact that an experienced professional chef is better than her. And will freeze out her daughter and future grand daughter over it.
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    As for how to handle it... I guess try to give her some space and hope she comes to her senses. Don't apologize and stop begging her for forgiveness. She is 100% in the wrong here and you should not reward such imature behaviour.
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    CoffeelcedBlack Good grief. How petty and small of her. I agree. She wants to pout? Well she picked a time but you will adjust. You will live your life and love your wife and she will realize that the entire universe does not, in fact, revolve around her. Go to your appointment and treasure that time
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    without letting her taint it by "punishing" you for not outright lying. Sorry mom, I had no idea you expected me to lie. I also had no idea your ego was so fragile that you can't stand not being the best at EVERYTHING to me to the point you would begrudge my wife a compliment. Pfft. Let her pout.
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    Plus_Data_1099 Leave her ghosted i have a feeling a few days before the baby is due she will be calling you. Don't back down. don't call her and see how it goes
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    Gringa-Loca26 Your mother lacks emotional maturity, which would make sense since she became a mother at 15. You may benefit from reading the book "adult children of emotionally immature parents".
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    afirelullaby Your mom has issues. Your wife is a professional chef and your mother can't square with the fact she is naturally going to be better because she is an expert? I don't like how your response was to fawn and placate your mother when you simply answered a basic question honestly. Therapy for you is advisable to look at how this dynamic may be causing unnecessary problems for you.
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    Wintercat22 Your choice may have suddenly brought it home to her that she isn't number one in your life any more. She may be experiencing a range of difficult emotions that she may not want/be able to
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    acknowledge or even name. Eg jealousy, fear, anger sadness grief etc It might also have made her realise her own mortality now that she is moving up a generation.
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    anneofred As a mom, you can feel all of this without basically punishing your child over something petty that triggered emotions that YOU need to deal with on your own. She is purposefully missing moments in the pregnancy that she won't get back over this.
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    My mother would have ended ANYONE that got between her and being there for me as comfort and support while I was pregnant and had my kid. Now as a mother I feel the same way. Nothing is stopping me from being a source of support and comfort for my child when they need it most, no matter how old they are, and no matter if my feelings got hurt.
  • 34
    Sounds like this "closeness" may have been more focused on mom and her ego than OP realized until now.
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    daneelwinty How dare you suggest the professionaly trained chef with 20 years experience including working for private clients can cook better than your mother. Give that woman her space for God's sake.
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    Few-Kaleidoscope5327 Is this normal behaviour for your mom? If this is out of the blue it could possibly be health related. I don't want to scare you but sudden change in behaviour can be because of brain related issues
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    Distinct-Practice131 Give her her space. She is being unreasonable and until she finds reason again it will likely be pointless. Based off of your words, I'd imagine your mother will at least be ready to talk when she realizes the damage she is doing. In the mean time focus on at home.
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    WeeklyConversation8 No, your wife comes first. You're Mom is being absolutely ridiculous. She had had so many people already say her and she got all up in her fee fees that you said your wife is a better cook that her. She's obviously made her entire identity wife and Mom.
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    Now she feels that your wife has replaced her. It's not a competition. She's your Mom and the love you have for your Mom is completely different than the love you have for your wife. Seems that your Mom still doesn't see you as the adult you are, but as her little girl.

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