Mother-of-the-bride embarrasses daughter with degrading childhood stories instead of welcoming the groom into the family, evening ends in tears: "She was just out to get laughs"

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  • 01

    My mother's speech completely embarrassed me at my wedding

    "She only talked about how much of an embarrassment I was as a child..."
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    Hi everyone, first time poster here. I (39f) recently got married to my amazing husband and had the most incredible day ever... but our parents somehow misunderstood the assignment when it came to speeches at the reception.
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    My mother only talked about key points in my life where I disappointed her or embarrassed her throughout my childhood and teen years and one of the memories was particularly really embarrassing, so embarrassing that I made sure she didn't bring it up at my 21st speech when I had it 18 years ago.
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    12
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    At our wedding she never mentioned anything about my new husband or our relationship, she didn't even welcome him into the family. She only talked about how much of an embarrassment I was as a child and
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    even compared me to my older brother and sister who "never played up until after they left home". It was definitely more of a 21st speech and nothing like a mother-of-the-bride speech at all.
  • 07
    I cried for a whole day after the wedding over this. I'm extremely disappointed with her and when I let her know, her response was that she made a mistake and didn't know what she was saying or knew how to write a speech, yet at my sibling's weddings her speeches were very heartfelt and
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    warm and loving and how they should be done. She apologised a lot but I don't know if I can get past this because I feel so let down and hurt. She had only one chance to get it right, and she totally blew it. She also had this speech written down and prepared, it wasn't off the cuff at all.
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    Everyone I love and respected was in that room at the reception including bosses and business associates, past work colleagues, college friends, neighbours, family friends, extended family, all my
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    besties etc. I feel like she was just out to get laughs from people and didn't focus on what a wedding was actually about. I understand you can make a little bit of fun of the bride and groom but not for the whole speech to be taking the !
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    I know she is feeling really awful about how she let me down, she helped out so much with the preparations for months leading up to the wedding. I love her so much but I don't know if I can get past this. I feel like she doesn't respect me at all, being
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    the youngest too she still treats me like I'm 16 years old. I feel like I've lost all respect for her and I don't even want to see her as I know she'll just give me a hug and tell me to get over it and move on.
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    I don't know if I can move on from this. I want to punish her by going low contact but at the same time I don't hate her, I just hate what she did. I only get one mum in this world but I also don't want to let her off the hook too easily, it was my only once in a lifetime wedding day.
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    My husband's father's speech was very similar but he's choosing to not let it get him down as it wasn't quite as degrading as my mother's speech was. Edit: I'm in New Zealand and a 21st party is often a big deal here.
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    Original_Rent7677 I bet more than a few people at the wedding were appalled by her speech. They probably have sympathy for you because they think your mother is not very nice for saying what she said. If she mentions her speech again, I would tell her she made a fool of herself in front of your guests.
  • 18
    altitude-adjusted "... I would tell her she made a fool of herself in front of your guests." Absolutely. OP should internalize this. Telling mother this will embarrass mother far more than telling her that her speech hurt OP.
  • 19
    OP is still trying after 39 years to win mother's approval which, sadly, doesn't seem possible. And if it were me, I'd enlist everyone who knows mother to tell her the same thing. Let "mom" know from every corner of the room just how she sounded. Maybe then it will sink in.
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    Duhallower Absolutely! This stuff is definitely noticed. I was at a wedding where the father of the groom spoke about how great his son is, everything he'd achieved throughout his life. And then father of bride got up and spoke about how great the groom is, with hardly any mention of the bride apart from her being lucky to snag him...
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    We were friends of the bride, and the MC had said before the fathers spoke that they'd be then opening the floor to anyone else who wanted to speak. So my friends were furiously whispering at me that I had to get up and say something nice
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    about the bride as no one had. (I'm a half decent public speaker and had done a lot of the 21st speeches years earlier. Also not the first time a wedding speech had been sprung on me, although the last time I'd had a couple of hours prep between ceremony and reception!)
  • 23
    Bit of frantic mental prep and I did just that. Told one amusing and a little embarrassing story, but mostly concentrated on what a great person she was and her brilliant achievements (the girl was an architect for Pete's sake). Also said we were all so thrilled she'd met a great bloke (the groom was super lovely), but that he was lucky to be marrying her as well.
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    I honestly think the father of bride was just winging it. Hadn't written a speech (father of groom had), had had a few drinks and when he followed on from groom's dad started by acknowledging how nice the groom was and then got carried away and forgot to say anything about the bride!
  • 25
    amberlikesowls I have seen one of those speeches go down before. I was angry for the bride and so were multiple others. People made jokes about wanting to spill their drinks on the bride's mom.
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    Independent_Lab_5808 Agree with the first paragraph. Am undecided about the 2nd. I am not sure if I would even comment on it and give her the satisfaction. I "might" throw her off by saying, "Thanks, Mom. I really appreciated it. And I have defended you to everyone who called me to ask if you were crazy."
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    OkConsideration8964 She didn't make a mistake, she made a choice. She even took the time to write it down. She knew what she was doing.
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    Viva_Veracity1906 Low Contact is not punishment, it's a protective boundary. A fence to limit someone's ability to hurt you. No contact is a wall with barbed wire to make sure they don't get a chance to hurt you.
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    Your mother knew what to do, she's done it correctly before and received explicit instructions not to share that particular story directly from you. A low contact fence is the only way to show her that her choice and actions hurt you and your feelings are important.
  • 30
    Sometimes only having one mother is a gift, sometimes it's a curse, it all depends not on your tolerance of bad behavior but on the mother and how she behaves. Your mother behaved appallingly. She needs sanctions.
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    MistressLiliana Of course it was written down, she wrote it for your 21st birthday then you told her she couldn't talk about that incident so she saved it this entire time to read at your wedding.
  • 32
    mahboilucas That's extremely narcissistic to do. I would NEVER imagine embarrassing anyone for laughs like that. It's cruel. Your mother is cruel
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    TheResistanceVoter Yes. It is ok to tell soft funny stories, the ones that the bride and groom laugh about and tell on themselves. You don't tell the one about the time the bride sh herself. That's just f ed up.

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