Mom refuses to invite her in-laws to her triplet son's 2nd birthday party after they refuse to build a relationship with them while getting close to her sister-in-laws baby son

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Feb 13, 2025 8:00 PM EST

You really figure out who your friends are when you have kids. The same goes for single people when everyone but them starts having kids, but it's difficult to overstate how upsetting it can be for all of your friends to lose interest in you just because you have a baby. You would think that the people who have spent years and years supporting you in all of your endeavors would want to know your mini-me, but you'd be surprised how many people do not.

When friendships change upon becoming a parent, you expect your family members to be sources of support who deeply care about building relationships with their nieces, nephews, or grandchildren. However, that doesn't always happen. It's one thing for family members who live 2000 miles away to feel a little disconnected from their extended family, but when they live in the same town, it leaves a sour taste in the parent's mouths. 

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  • The mother in this story struggles with her in-laws, who aren't doing enough. They refuse to babysit or spend time with her triplets but have photo albums full of memories with their daughter's baby, who was born around the same time as the three boys. With their 2nd birthday coming up, she has a big decision to make. 

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    Cheezburger Image 10467934720
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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    AITAH for not inviting my In-laws to my triplets birthday party?

    My (28f) husband (29m) and I welcomed a set of triplet boys that were born so prematurely we were told to not expect them to survive. My SIL was also pregnant at this time and carried her son to full term. Anyway, after a very very long NICU stay and many appointments, all 3 boys are home and doing very well! My parents have been very involved
    via u/Curls_Galore
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    with the triplets care and if it weren't for them I would have probably lost my mind a while back ago. My in laws/ however, have not been. During the lengthy NICU stay, they were constantly there and making promises that since we had triplets and obviously needed more help that they were going to be there as soon as I sent a text.
    via u/Curls_Galore
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    After about 2 months of all 3 boys being home, my in laws completely stopped helping whatsoever. They don't call or text to check in on the boys or my husband and I, it's like we don't even exist unless they need a new photo to post on Facebook to seem like super grandparents to 4 kids born around the same time. Now my father has vision
    via u/Curls_Galore
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    issues and my mother is bound but they are texting me every single day asking about me, my husband, the boys. How they can help, trying to schedule date nights for my husband and I to reconnect, showing up to appointments with me when my husband has to work so I don't have to bring in all 3 kids solo. I am very thankful.
    via u/Curls_Galore
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    My MIL is retired and my FIL works in a big company. I understand that my FIL works a lot and has a busy job and I don't expect them to take the boys everyday. They claim that it's too hard to watch all 3 kids solo so they can't be involved.
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    Now my nephew was born full term and is your normal 1 year old and my in laws are very much involved with him. They have pictures of him all over their house, he has his own private room at their home, they even have multiple photos albums of just him in each room of their house. My FIL has taken off work before just to spend time with my nephew plenty of times.
    via u/Curls_Galore
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    I pulled my in laws to the side a few times to discuss favoritism and they swear up and down that's not it, it's just easier to deal with just one kid. I very much understand that and I would like to clarify I don't expect anyone to watch my children because they're my responsibility, but I don't think it's fair to be there for one child and not the rest. We all
    via u/Curls_Galore
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    live within 5 minutes of each other so travel isn't an issue either. I was told that they can't help out with them unless it's one baby at time. They did that one time for each kid 5 months ago and it's been radio silence since.
    via u/Curls_Galore
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    My boys turn 2 this April and we are currently planning the party. I told my husband that I don't think they deserve to be invited to their birthday party this year. My husband is on board but we know that if we go through with this, it will be a blow up so big there will be no turning back from this at all.
    via u/Curls_Galore
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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    swbarnes2 Invite them, but have a photo book printed up of the kids over the last year. Share it around during the party. Make sure there are lots of pics of your parents, and none of your in laws. They'll be mad when they notice, but they'll have no one to blame but themselves.
    via u/swbarnes2
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    EmoBeach231 I would crank up the petty. Have a photo book divided into two sections: One side that shows the kids with their maternal grandparents full of loving, happy memories. And then the other side with the one or two pictures the pretend grandparents took for Facebook followed by blank pages. Really rub it in.
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    swbarnes2 No, petty makes OP look like an a hole. The better idea is to openly embarrass them without making it look like you did it on purpose. Make the insult subtle enough that you can't be called out.
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    idontcarewhatiuse • 17h ago NTA "Sorry for not inviting you. It's just easier to deal with one set of grandparents at a time, and the kids actually have a relationship with my parents. Since more than one child will be there, we didn't think you would want to be involved anyway." I'm a petty b though with no patience for BS.
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    Istarien • 16h ago Addendum: "Don't worry, we will send you the social media press package afterwards."
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    bronwyn 19594236 Just make sure your husband is the one to say this! Great answer!
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    FitOrFat-1999 "it will be a blow up so big there will be no turning back from this at all." Then that's what you have to decide - is this desirable to you? I mean, 5 months with NO contact, but they'll pitch a fit if they aren't invited to the boys' party? Sounds like all they want is pics they can show off on social media and then you won't hear from them til next year. The important part should be developing relationships with their grandkids but apparently they're not interested. So NTA wheth
    via u/FitOrFat-1999
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    Beth21286 OP has that wrong, the point of no return was when they blew off their blatant favouritism. At that point the onus becomes solely on them to put in the effort. Don't invite them, post the heck out of it on (private) social media and make sure there's lots of photos with OPs parents and all 3 kids. Caption: '4 hands and 3 handfuls!'
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    ShanLuvs2Read Or they could do what a friend and I had to do to with our pics and anything we posted had to use watermarks and it had a thank you to who was there so the social media grandparents couldn't reap the benefits...
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    zenFieryrooster This. In laws love the idea of the triplets as props for their friends to praise them about without actually developing the relationship. They're the type to brag about the triplets because of the rarity factor.
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    I may be petty for wanting to test them, but I'd not invite them just to see if they'd be interested in establishing a relationship afterwards. If not, then you know it was never about them wanting to connect with the kids—it was always about their egos.
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    Beginning_Squash8646 I invited my parents to dinner once when my kids were very young. My mother declined as she said it was too far to drive (about 45 minutes). However, she and my dad would visit my brother and sister in law frequently and they also lived about 45 minutes away. I never invited them again. Their loss. NTA
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    CptKUSSCryAllTheTime Pick your battles carefully.
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    SW00009 I agree. Slow down a little. What do you want? If you want your kids to have a relationship with their grandparents, I would build that bridge. If you don't, by not inviting them to the party, it will burn it down.
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    Multiples make people nervous. They don't know how to look after more than one kiddo at a time, and the idea of 2 crying babies at the same time freaks them out. I'm a twin parent, and can only imagine how stressful looking after 3 might be. This is a great time for your husband to step up and speak to his parents about building this bridge.
    via u/SW00009
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    Late_Resource_1653 I'm glad someone said this. OP is taking it as an insult, and I completely get that. But even in my 30s, I helped out a ton, whenever I could, with my godson from birth to toddler years and I still do now that he has a little sister, because his mum is my best friend, it was a horrific birth that had her on bedrest and in immense pain for months after, her husband travelled a lot, and I love them all. And I'm the favorite Aunt!
    via u/Late_Resource_1653
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    THREE babies??? Or toddlers?? At the same time? I would have been terrified. Grandparents probably felt the same way. The single cousin was easy to handle. They didn't think they could handle three at once and so they didn't. Should they have discussed that with OPs husband and hopefully found other ways to help? Absolutely. It's time for husband to step up and talk to his parents about how they chose not to help and the feelings that has caused. As a real discussion, not an accusation.
    via u/Late_Resource_1653
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    FireflyBSc I think it's also important to keep in mind how this impacts the relationship with husband's sister. Blowing this up doesn't just hurt the grandparents, but could also isolate the cousin who is innocent if the sister doesn't know of the situation and also goes nuclear. Birthday parties are typically a bigger family event with a larger circle, cutting them down to just that one annual opportunity keeps things more civil, in a situation where you don't have to be one on one with them. I
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    ever do try to play the victim or blame their family for the wedge, because there's no definitive event on OP's side to justify the distance. I think it's far pettier to demote them to showing up for a slice of cake and getting in line for photos with everyone else when they kids are too busy playing, than to cause a big blowup where they have ammunition in the future.
    via u/FireflyBSc
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    FOCOMojo It's sad, but not uncommon for grandparents to be more involved in their daughters' families than their sons' families. I am NOT saying it's OK, just that I think it's not uncommon.
    via u/FOCOMojo
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    PurplePufferPea NTA, but is this really this hill you want to di on? I had my first child 16 months before I then had twins. Not quite your chaos, but still a lot more than normal. With my first child, my parents were much more involved, no where near the level of your parents, but a good amount for them. After having twins, they helped initially, but their help quickly dwindled. They just couldn't handle 3 at once, I don't think my parent's were ever really mentally equipped for chaos like that
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    I was bitter at first, but over the years I have let it go. I pushed for ways to make it work on their terms. For example, I got my mom on a schedule to take out one kid a month on a rotation. Obviously, it would be nicer to have help with all 3, but at least you could get down to man-on-man coverage every now and then. I get your IL's kind of sk here, and you certainly wouldn't be an AH for not inviting them. But for your husband's and kid's sakes, I would personally try to find a way to make i
    via u/PurplePufferPea

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Babies family drama daughter in law baby triplets toddler birthday party premature sister in law dad father in law in laws mother in law family mom brother in law
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