Sister-in-law doesn't attend daughter's birthday party, woman and daughter pull out of sister-in-law's wedding: 'I don’t believe my daughter should have to reach out for attention from her'

Author image for Baiz Hoen
Baiz Hoen
Feb 24, 2025 10:00 AM EST

Every family has certain obligations that need to be met. Some people have to sit down to family dinner every night, whereas other families just fend for themselves. Some families live within five minutes of each other, so attending every milestone is important. Other families make a point to get together once a year. Whether your family is big or small, tight-knit or not that close, there are still some things you have to do because, well, 'it's family.' 

Don't get me wrong, these obligatory family events can be dreadful. Maybe you've got that weird uncle with bad breath. Or the great aunt who pinches your cheeks too much. It's a sacrifice we have to make, but if the price we have to pay is seeing these folks, well all the 'valuable family time' in the world couldn't make up for it.

One woman and her daughter came to terms with that when her sister-in-law included them in the bridal party at their wedding. However, when the sister-in-law repeatedly showed that she wouldn't make an effort for them, this woman decided to back out of the wedding. Scroll through to decide if she's in the right or just overreacting.

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  • 01
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    via Justin Clark
  • 02

    "AITA for pulling me and my daughter out of my SIL wedding?"

    My 9 year old daughter and I were asked to be in my SILS wedding. We said yes.
    via [deleted]
  • 03
    We only see her 2-3 times a year. My daughter's birthday, Christmas, and maybe 1 other time. We aren't super close, we text every so often but it's usually if she needs something. She doesn't check in with us (which tbh I don't really care). She
    via [deleted]
  • 04
    tbh I don't really care). She doesn't ask about my daughter and how she's doing. My daughter said yes to being a flower girl because she was excited. I said yes as a bridesmaid because I don't have any ill will towards her and I didn't really feel strongly enough to say no.
    via [deleted]
  • 05

    Wish I were on my couch, why...

    HOWEVER, she did not come to my daughter's birthday party a couple weeks ago. My daughter asked where she was and my husband called her. He asked her where she was at and she said "on my couch, why?". He told her
    via [deleted]
  • 06
    "on my couch, why?". He told her that she was supposed to be here at the party. She became super apologetic and said she has been so busy with wedding planning that she forgot and that she will make it up to my daughter this week. Fine, whatever. I can genuinely
    via [deleted]
  • 07
    whatever. I can genuinely understand she may have been busy. I was under the impression she would at least say happy birthday. She never did. She never reached out the two days we mentioned would work best or the following weekend. My
    via [deleted]
  • 08
    the following weekend. My daughter was upset and asked to not be in the wedding. Honestly, I was pretty upset too. I have a lot going on but was willing to put everything aside to be there for her big day. But after she
    via [deleted]
  • 09
    her big day. But after she couldn't even remember her birthday or reach out at all, I texted her and said I'm pulling myself and my daughter out of the wedding (which is months away in December).
    via [deleted]
  • 10
    She instantly got upset and started saying this isn't right and that I'm being unfair. I told her everything I mentioned above and that my daughter doesn't even really know her. My husband is behind me on this and is on my side.
    via [deleted]
  • 11

    Send her the receipts!

    Edit: I want to add that she makes plans with multiple friends and their kids. Which is posted on Facebook and I screenshot it all to send it to her as a reminder.
    via [deleted]
  • 12
    We live about a half hour away from each other. I don't believe my daughter should have to reach out for attention from her, thats an adults job. And she doesn't do it. AITA?
    via [deleted]
  • 13

    People were on this woman's side and offered advice on how to talk to her sister-in-law.

    Cheezburger Image 10467944448
    via Jason Leung
  • 14
    NTA. Seems she only wants contact when convenient for her. It's not like you pulled out a few weeks beforehand. She's got lots of time to figure out her wedding. Just don't get sucked into helping with anything.
    via [deleted]
  • 15
    NTA. It's not like it's last minute. Nobody is too busy to tell a nine year old Happy Birthday, especially belatedly.
    via [deleted]
  • 16
    NTA, I think you did the right thing by listening to your daughter and validating her feelings. Your daughter doesn't deserve to be let down like that then be expected to give her time to the person that blew her off and hurt her feelings. Please share my point of view with your SIL.
    via [deleted]
  • 17
    SIL is essentially saying, "Even though I hurt your feelings, and did not do what I told you I would do, I want you to forget your hurt feelings and come do a favor for me." Please share this with her.
    via [deleted]
  • 18

    Parenting win!

    NTA - You're respecting your daughter's feelings. That's good parenting. She's learning to set boundaries and not accept being treated poorly young. Good job!
    via [deleted]
  • 19
    NTA, especially since your daughter no longer wants to participate. She had ample time to make nice. If she only contacts you when she wants something, she isn't close enough for you to be in the bridal party. I'll bet you save a lot of money, too
    via [deleted]
  • 20
    She just wants your kid there as a token cute kid for her wedding and I'm guessing you're in the wedding cos she doesn't have any other mates - which isn't surprising
    via [deleted]
  • 21
    Happy birthday to your daughter!!! I am so proud of you and your husband for listening to your daughter.
    via [deleted]
  • 22
    Her aunt bailed on her party and now your daughter wants out of the wedding. Your daughters feelings are completely valid. You are doing a great job!!! nta
    via [deleted]
  • 23
    Nta Your daughter has a good point. How much does she really mean to sil if sil forgets or ignores her birthday? Then, she doesn't follow through afterward.
    via [deleted]
  • 24
    You're right that sil is an adult and should know she's been beyond r de to her little niece. She should get. busy and beging making it up to her niece. Not just for her to be a flower girl but because she loves her niece.
    via [deleted]

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family drama aita birthday reddit story sister in law wedding family reddit thread daughter Reddit
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