Entitled mother of 5 adult children keeps demanding grandkids, one of them finally snaps: 'I couldn’t take the where are my grandkids conversation any more'

When parents become empty nesters and no longer know what to do with themselves, there is, for better or for worse, a strong likelihood that they will develop a new obsession: pressuring their now adult offspring to have offspring of their own.

The prospect of becoming a grandparent is, of course, a potentially exciting new chapter for adults of a certain age, who are perhaps thinking of slowing down their work schedules and considering (or beginning) their retirement. That being said, the pressure that can be applied to their kids is not exactly fair. They might be busy advancing their careers, focusing on relationships, or simply prioritizing different matters in their own personal agendas. They do not need a parent breathing down their neck to convince them to undergo a huge life change just to fill someone else's baby craze. 

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  • Here, we have an entitled mother of five children (all adults now) who has begun bothering them about when she's going to get grandchildren. Her kids all have decided that they don't want kids, or at the very least, they don't want them right now. It turns out that a good reason why they don't want children is because of their own tumultuous childhood. You can probably what kind of confrontation was in store for the mother…

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    I'm the youngest of 5 boys. When I was 13 my mom and biological dad split. My oldest brother went to stay with my aunt. The rest of us went to stay with my grandma
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    while our parents "tried to find happiness". Dad completely fell of the face of the earth after about 4ish years. I think he talks to my oldest brother every so often. My
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    mom got her own place a few miles away from my grandma. She visited often and even spent the night every now and then.
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    So the twins only stayed for like a year then went and joined the navy. The brother between the twins and I stayed for two years then met a girl went to college and they got married. Then there
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    was me. 13-18 I lived with my grandma and was almost completely alone for two years out in the middle of nowhere. I
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    love my grandma but there was only so much a 80 year old woman and a teenage boy could talk about. I felt abandoned.
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    Fast forward I finished high school went to college. Did the whole shabang. We're all adults now doing our thing. Well my mom is always like why won't any of you give me grand children.
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    First of all I'm gay but she even asks me if I'll find a nice man settle down and adopt. But my other brothers are straight. None of them have or want kids. So the
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    conversation got intense and she was being very dramatic. So I said it. I said what was on everyone's mind.
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    "Mom I think none of us want kids because of how you and dad left us with grandma because you both DESERVE to be happy. I'm glad you found your happiness
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    but I would never do such a thing to a child especially if I had the means to take care of them. It scares me that I could possibly wake up one day and think differently. That I could wake up
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    tell my kids to pack their sh I'm taking you to grandmas where you're going to live from now on even though your father and I are perfectly capable of taking care of you."
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    She cried.. a lot. But I couldn't take the where are my grand kids conversation any more. I could not listen to her bring that up one more time.
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    I did feel terrible and we haven't talked in like two weeks. I'm not sure what to think.
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    Buttered_Crum... NTA. The truth hurts most when we know we're wrong. There has to be a part of your mum who knows what she did was wrong, and I
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    wouldn't be shocked if she saw grandchildren as her chance at a do-over "I wasn't there for my kids, but I can make up for it by being there for my grandkids"), hence her pestering.
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    Instead, she's now being told that her choices have consequences and she won't get her do-over because of what she did; she didn't want to parent, so now she won't get to grandparent.
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    I'd cry too if I'd been such a poor parent, be it due to negligence, ab e, or, as in your mum's case, my absence and refusal to be a parent, caused my kids to
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    be scared to or put off of having children of their own because they're worried that they would repeat my mistakes. There is no delicate way to put that because a truth like that will always hurt; who wants to be confronted with the harm
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    they've caused and the damage they've done? You are not wrong for telling her, not least because the only way to stop her pestering and questioning is to tell her why, and you put it as diplomatically as possible.
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    I_wanna_be_an... NTA she was warned to back off countless times by five separate people. Hard to believe she's been that oblivious to the consequences of her actions all this time.
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    JanetInSpain No adult child owes their parents a grandchild. It doesn't even matter what all of your reasons are for not having kids. It's YOUR choice. She doesn't get a say in it.
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