Boyfriend's mom loses it and cries over son's girlfriend's 'shoes off rule,' enlists her husband to retaliate: '[She] spends the whole visit sulking'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Feb 24, 2025 4:00 PM EST

Everyone has different preferences about behavior in their house. Some folks are more formal and insist you dress up a little if you're coming over for dinner. Some would balk if you brought over a nice bottle of wine. Some keep their shoes on all day until they go to bed, and some are offended by such a notion. It can be hard to tell what kind of house you're being delivered to until you arrive. But one of the rules of good hosting is informing your guests of your preferences as soon as you can. If you're a shoes-off house, you have to let people know.

Conversely, a rule of good guesting is abiding by those rules without further question. If someone is kind enough to have you over to their home, the least you can do is play by the rules. Not everyone is that savvy, though.

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    Cheezburger Image 10471121664
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Some guests refuse to let go of their usual habits at someone else's house. Others see them as a sort of power play and retaliate against that. What happened in this story was a combination of both. The mother of the host's boyfriend had some choice words, and feelings, for one of the rules she was enforcing. Read on for the story.

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    AITA for making my BF's mom cry because of a "petty" rule?

    So me (24F) and my boyfriend (27M) have been together for almost 2 years and live together. His mom is very involved in his life (some might say overbearing, but I try to be respectful). She's nice but has this way of like, pushing boundaries while acting like she means well.
    via u/ellafaith0
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    So the issue: I have a "no shoes in the house" rule. My bf is cool with it, all my friends do it no problem. But his mom refuses. She claims it's "r de to ask guests to take their shoes off" and that it makes her feel "disrespected." I've tried explaining that it's just a cleanliness thing but she won't budge.
    via u/ellafaith0
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    Last weekend she came over and, surprise surprise, walked in with her shoes on. I very politely (I swear) said, "oh, can you take them off please?" She kinda huffs and is like, "You're really gonna make me do this?" And I just stood there waiting. She sighs dramatically, takes them off, and spends the whole visit sulking.
    via u/ellafaith0
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    Then later I get a TEXT from my bf's dad saying I made her cry and she feels like I'm "trying to assert dominance" over her in her son's home. (Our home, actually.) My bf is on my side but now his parents are acting like I've disrespected the Queen of England. AITA for standing my ground on a very normal rule???
    via u/ellafaith0
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    Commenters weighed in on the dynamics of this situation.

    I... ⚫ 14h ago Edited 54m ago • • NTA. If your boyfriend is aligned, how's he handling the situation? I'd expect him to call them and shut it down. The dad shouldn't be attacking you and your boyfriend should be standing up for you. It sounds like he agrees, but what's he doing to solve the issue.
    via u/ImpressiveBig7730
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    Kin-ethra 14h ago • NTA. She is going out of her way to guilt you into letting her disrespect YOUR home. Buy some of those shoe covers they wear to crime scenes or put plastic grocery bags by the door and ask her to cover her shoes inside the home. Otherwise you can just offer an outside visit and she can keep her shoes on
    via u/Kin-ethra
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    ninjafox250 14h ago . Hahaha man, tell her to never come to Canada. Or probably a lot of other countries for that matter. Shoes are for OUTSIDE.
    via u/ninjafox250
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    . Sea_Auntie7599 · 14h ago NTA but your bf needs to stands up to his mom. The only reason she is doing it is because she knows her son won't do confront her to her face and have an actual adult conversation 1. It's her baby-- the son 2. She don't see him
    via u/Sea_Auntie7599
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    and a man, an adult. 3. She still wants to be momma boy (Google up the psychological affects momma boys have and being mother dependant relationship) 4. She has no respect for you because you are taking her son away. When in reality your very presence makes his world more meaningful and colorful..
    via u/Sea_Auntie7599
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    He needs to set up and stand firm on boundaries with this mom.
    via u/Sea_Auntie7599
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    Cheezburger Image 10471121920
    via Photos by Lanty

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 13
    Ok-Complex-3019 . 14h ago If this is her hill to di on, get those little booties that cable guys wear inside a house
    via u/Ok-Complex-3019
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    PlantManMD . 14h ago In some countries, hosts. provide nice wool slippers for guests, both men and women, to change into. I have neuropathy in my feet and really need something on my feet to walk comfortably. Maybe consider buying a pair of Turkish wool slides for her.
    via u/PlantManMD
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    absolutebeast_ · 14h ago NTA -Let's hope she never gets friends from or in other countries, because in lots of places in the world, taking off your shoes or using inside shoes is expected, and it's considered very ride to walk in with shoes on.
    via u/absolutebeast_
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    Would she be happier if she had a designated pair of slippers or something she could put on? If the issue is not having footwear on, that's fixable. Also wearing outdoor shoes indoors is insane to me, but I'm not from the US.
    via u/absolutebeast_
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    apothekryptic • 13h ago Canadian, here. Shoes off in the house, period. We don't wear outside shoes inside of our homes. I have house slippers that I love that are only worn indoors. Kids go to school and change into their
    via u/apothekryptic
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    "indoor shoes" when they come in from the playground. If someone walked into my house with their shoes on, my response would probably be "What the f ?", because that would be very ride.
    via u/apothekryptic
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    Now to your real problem, and it's not your 'normal' or your rule. It's that your MIL is crying over being asked to take her shoes off, FIL is defending her, and BF is enabling her. This dynamic isn't going to be unique to shoes. Guaranteed it will be a pattern of behavior. Don't put up with it from any of them.
    via u/apothekryptic
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    MelodyRaine • 12h ago NTA "Dad, enough with this nonsense. This is a basic rule of hygiene and cleanliness. OP and I agree that we do not want people tracking dirt, mud, and germs from the streets through our home. Literally everyone else in our
    via u/MelodyRaine
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    lives accepts this reasonable and fairly common boundary. If your wife is incapable of doing so without crying her eyes out, I suggest you seek professional advice. In the meantime, since mom is incapable of acting with
    via u/MelodyRaine
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    common courtesy and manners without resorting to pouting and tears, her invitation into my home is revoked until she can get control of herself. The only one trying to assert dominance here is your wife, and since outright
    via u/MelodyRaine
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    stubbornness didn't do the trick, she thinks sending you as a tear-fueled missile might. It won't. You're smarter than that, but tell you what, just in case I'm wrong in thinking that, you can take the next few weeks to stop and think about how you and your wife just tried to take control of your adult son's home. I'll contact you once I've decided
    via u/MelodyRaine
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    what if any relationship we can have given that you seem to think any of mom, or your, recent nonsense in any way resembles acceptable behavior."
    via u/MelodyRaine
  • 25
    MsMarkarth • 14h ago NTA. But you've got a boyfriend problem not an "in- law" problem. Under no circumstances should either of these people be treating you the way they are, and your boyfriend needs to make that exceptionally clear to them. Otherwise you're in for "well this is how my wedding was" and "this is how I raised my kids" until she gets her son back from you.
    via u/MsMarkarth
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    Teshi 14h ago . NTA. People who don't want to appear in socked or bare feet can do what everyone in the world who feels this way and bring slip on inside shoes or slippers.
    via u/Teshi
  • 27
    shontsu 14h ago • I've never been a "shoes off in the house" guy, but if I visit someone and thats their thing, then I follow suit. Its not exactly hard to take your shoes off as a sign of respect for whoever you've chosen to visit.
    via u/shontsu
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    Then later I get a TEXT from my bf's dad saying I made her cry and she feels like I'm "trying to assert dominance" over her in her son's home. I don't know if its worth getting into with BFs Dad, but
    via u/shontsu
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    I'm pretty sure someones trying to assert dominance, but its not you. Its the only logical reason I can think of for his wifes behaviour. She wants BF to choose her side over yours. NTA.
    via u/shontsu

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boyfriend long term relationship relationship advice aita relationship relationship status shoes off relationship-drama reddit story relationships mother in law story reddit thread Reddit healthy relationship parents
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