Father tries to force 13-year-old son and 12-year-old daughter into loving his new wife and baby, they refuse and he blame his sister for not intervening more: “[You] could get through to them”

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Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
Feb 23, 2025 1:00 PM EST

Blending families is never easy. It's not easy on the children, and it's not easy on the parents either. It's the short end of the stick for everyone involved. Thankfully, I grew up with my nuclear family staying together, and sometimes I feel like I undermine the importance of having that kind of stability. Growing up with divorced or widowed parents seems like a nightmare. As a child, it's hard enough to grow up in your home, maintain good relationships with your family when fights happen, or deal with the chaos of siblings. I couldn't even imagine if I had to grow up living in a home with practical strangers, and a parent telling me, "this is your stepbrother/stepsister now." It's jarring and anyone would be justified in being resistant to this change. 

In the story below, the kids are doing just that. They're at the ripe ages of early adolescence, which is a difficult and confusing time for all. On top of their ages and navigating the transition from childhood to teenager, they're put in a situation where their father has a new wife that he has barely known. She already has a child from a previous marriage, and they're pregnant with one already. Talk about too  many children under one roof.

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  • 01

    AITA for saying my brother created the mess blending his family and I can't change that?

    DO MORE OF WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY
    via Nikodash from Getty Images / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    In the last 4 years my brother lost his first wife, the mother of his 13 year old son and 12 year old daughter, met his second wife at a widows support group and started hooking up with her within 8 months of both their spouses deaths, introduced her to the kids and realized they didn't like it, moved her in and married her
    via u/Exciting-Mango-6140
  • 03
    anyway, had a kid with her and got her pregnant again (current). Now he's shocked the kids are disinterested in building a relationship with his wife and don't consider his younger child or the unborn baby siblings. Family members suggested therapy to my brother a few times and giving the kids some more time to adjust to
    via u/Exciting-Mango-6140
  • 04
    their mom being gone before moving in someone else and marrying her. I was one of them. But he dismissed it. He said everything would be fine.
    via u/Exciting-Mango-6140
  • 05
    The part where I come in was brought up after a fight between him and the kid at our sister's house. It was her 10 year old's birthday and we were all present. Siblings photos were being taken throughout the party, both birthday kid and siblings and other siblings present. My brother wanted a photo of all three of his
    via u/Exciting-Mango-6140
  • 06
    kids but the older two refused. He tried to pass the 8 month old to them and neither would hold her. He said he wanted a sibling photo and they said it would be just the two of them then. It ended up in a fight over the half title and my brother asked if she was half of a person or half related to them.
    via u/Exciting-Mango-6140

  • Growing up I had plenty of friends with blended families, and I don't envy the way they grew up. Stepsiblings living with them, having to coalesce together as if you're one big, happy family but you're not. And deep down, you're resentful and angry at the situation. 

  • 07
    They said to them yes she was and so was the baby his wife was expecting. His son said he'd be out of the house before either would remember them so it wasn't his problem to worry about their feelings when my brother brought up the feelings of the younger kids and how upset they'd be to have that rejection. Other stuff was
    via u/Exciting-Mango-6140
  • 08
    argued over but the two kids made it clear they didn't love their half sibling and weren't willing to try and love her either.
    via u/Exciting-Mango-6140
  • 09
    A few days after the party my brother came to my house and he said things were f ed and he was tired of our parents and sisters doing nothing to help. I asked what he expected them to do. He said we could all get through to his kids that they have another sibling and one more on the way and another mother figure and their family has
    via u/Exciting-Mango-6140
  • 10
    grown and they need to be open to loving and accepting them. I pointed out our mom had spoken to them about it before, about at least not outright rejecting the idea of a friendly relationship but they were still unhappy with things and didn't listen. He said we could have done better. I told him we tried to tell him but he refused to listen and
    via u/Exciting-Mango-6140
  • 11
    there was nothing more we could do. That he was their dad and had the final say. Then he said we should do more. I said we couldn't and that he made a mess of blending his family and there was nothing I or anyone could do to change it. I said the whole thing was on him.
    via u/Exciting-Mango-6140
  • 12
    He said I was as bad as our family and we're meant to be brothers and where's the compassion for him and his wife who lost spouses already and just wanted a family. together before it was too late. AITA?
    via u/Exciting-Mango-6140
  • 13
    • philautos 9h ago He doesn't get to put his children in a blender, and he certainly isn't entitled to use you as one of the blades. NTA. Try to be there for your niece. and nephew if you can.
    via u/philautos

  • Of course, being a widower is a situation that takes time to navigate and understand. The grieving process is long, and it may never feel the same with someone else again. With these things in mind, it's better to wait to start a new relationship after someone has properly healed. 

  • 14
    Cheezburger Image 10471687680
    via Kzara Visual / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 15
    Used Clock_4627 • 9h ago I know I've read something very similar before but hey, for those who are in similar positions but haven't posted, here goes. NTA.
    via u/Used Clock_4627
  • 16
    OP, your brother put his desires BEFORE everything else, including the kids that should have come first. He made the mess and now he's trying, apparently as usual, not to take any responsibility for it. It isn't ANYONE'S place to 'talk' to the kids about accepting anybody. That just
    via u/Used Clock_4627
  • 17
    Cheezburger Image 10471688192
    via SHOTPRIME / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 18
    When they are old enough, they will get the eff out of that house and lose dad's number before they've even stepped off the front stoop in their haste to leave.
    via u/Used Clock_4627
  • 19
    I do wonder what kind of a father this guy was before the 1st wife di d because from this, I'm guessing he was VERY hands off.
    via u/Used Clock_4627
  • 20
    chez22027h ago NTA. Something you said here is really important. Your brother asked his older children about the baby and the new baby who is due to
    via u/chez2202
  • 21
    be born soon, and asked them to consider their possible feelings of rejection in the future. Your brother NEVER considered the feelings of his children when he moved his girlfriend / now wife into THEIR home, despite their
    via u/chez2202
  • 22
    objections when they met her. and just months after they lost their mother. He now thinks that the future feelings of an 8 month old. and an unborn child are the responsibility of his 12 and 13 year old children and that everyone else in the family should be pushing them to
    via u/chez2202
  • 23
    accept his decree? He can't even see what a total hypocrite he is! Their feelings didn't matter to HIM, but now they are responsible for the feelings of others?
    via u/chez2202

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