25 Cat Pawrents' Tweets to Turn Your Tattered Tuesday Into a Cat Comedy Show

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  • 01
    Lilith Lovett Famous M... 43m *be homeless and destitute* *scavenge through some trash so I may survive another night* *get caught by higher beings, they will surely destroy me for going through their stuff* *the higher beings inexplicably take me in for reasons behind my understanding* *I have a home now* Caught this stray eating out of our trashcan outside. He lives inside now. mon
  • 02
    Serena Golden @SerenaEGolden every single person who owns two cats. has one beautiful idiot and one terrifying demon plotting a coup
  • 03
    @ArkadyKoshka Cats are so good. There's just a little guy in my house! We hug! We don't speak the same language! We're best friends! He bites me! I make up little songs about him! He doesn't know my name! We fall asleep next to each other!
  • 04
    leon @leyawn it must feel good as h I to walk all over your human as a cat. i need a giant person i can step on in the morning
  • 05
    John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets Me: It's sweet how my cat sits on my chest to comfort me when I'm sick in bed. Cat: I think I'll eat the eyes first.
  • 06
    My toxic trait is telling my cat he's been a good boy, when in fact he has not been a good boy all day.
  • 07
    How to get a guy to stop hitting on you at the bar: -Tell him about your horoscope. -Tell him about your cat. -Tell him about your cat's horoscope.
  • 08
    dillard @yurlp_official Taking a midday nap alongside your cat is so special like yes please show me your culture
  • 09
    @credenzaclear2 Cat people are nice about dogs but dog people are sooooo rude about cats
  • 10
    aCoupleofN3rds @aCoupleofN3rds Rescue Cat Five Years Ago: can I sit here? Is that cool? I'm sorry if it's not. Thank you so much for not hating me, it's really nice. I love you. Rescue Cat Today: I SNUCK INTO THE PANTRY AND ATE ALL THE CRACKERS CLEAN UP MY VOMIT YOU SWINE FOR I AM RULER OF THE LIVING ROOM
  • 11
    Them: did you adopt your cat? Me: no, it's my biological cat
  • 12
    michaelmakesanentrance if u don't kiss ur cat on their tiny soft little are u even doing forehead Yelling at her for trying to eat plastic
  • 13
    festivenuts @ficklenuts "Everybody loves us weird girls, right up until we start doing weird girl sh," I say to my cat, as we watch a documentary about serial killers in our matching onesies.
  • 14
    Dan @ehdannyboy Wife: So the genie gave you just the one wish? Me: yep Wife: And you couldn't think of something, I don't know, slightly beneficial? Me: Susan, there is nothing MORE beneficial! My cat: yeah susan
  • 15
    Sarah Andersen ✔ @SarahCAndersen *** A fun part of having a black cat is occasionally accidentally talking to a crumpled up black T-shirt on the floor
  • 16
    james @videojames_ my cat with a $20 toy: no thanks my cat with the mcdonald's straw i dropped on the floor: u are my vice. my muse. my soulmate
  • 17
    I knocked over a plant in the kitchen but my cat saw me so I had to spray myself with water so I could show the law applies to everyone
  • 18
    Cats of Yore @CatsOfYore Imagine if we didn't have cats and you could only see them in zoos. We'd go and be like "OMG there were these micropanthers in all different colors and they're beautiful and why can't I have one "But we DO get to have them and it's amazing! That's what I'm thankful for today.
  • 19
    Fiona Zublin @bear_foot me, to plumber: I'm so sorry about the cat, he thinks everyone is his best friend plumber: it's okay, I'm used to people's cats. ::two minutes later, from the other room:: plumber: mister smitten, you are a born plumber; after this we will get a nice sandwich.
  • 20
    David AttenBruh @AlHendiify Havin a cat is great. If you make the right sound a cool little guy comes out from an unexpected location.
  • 21
    Cat begging for what im eating Me gives cat a piece Cat-ew why would you give me this
  • 22
    Bo Bolander @BBolander the old cat's hate for the kitten is more understandable if you imagine you're an 87-year old lady creeping steadily down the hall to the kitchen, hurrycane at the ready, when suddenly from stage left a brawny 25-year old dude runs in & cheerfully bam margeras you to the floor
  • 23
    yourshadowtwin People laugh about how cats love boxes, but if there was suddenly a box bigger than you in your living room, you'd probably go in it too.
  • 24
    james tison like "tyson" @doioweyoumoney Everyone wants to talk about "gaslighting," nobody wants to talk about "how cats domesticated themselves and modeled their meows off of human baby cries to better manipulate our emotions." 1,891 Retweets 93 Quote Tweets 19.3K Likes 27 @Chalkarts 8h Replying to @doioweyoumoney The fact that a cat can walk into your house and be like "I live here now" and most people just go buy food and litter for them and let them, is pretty impressive as an evolved trait
  • 25
    malfxoys so today a public health official guy came into my class to give a lecture on disaster awareness and he was talking about house fires and mentioned that the reason people most likely die during a house fire is because they refuse to leave their pet inside or they go back to get their pet. and right when he said this my friend immediately turned his head and looked at me and in that moment I had the most complete and genuine acceptance take over my body. I would 100% in front of my famil

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