Wife considers marital separation after she finds out her husband spent all of the money in his savings without telling her: ‘I feel completely blindsided’

Author image for Lana DeGaetano
Lana DeGaetano • "Show me to me please."
Feb 26, 2025 6:00 PM EST

Financial compatibility is something to consider if you're thinking about spending the rest of your life with someone. Of course, having similar interests and being physically attracted to your spouse is very significant, too, once you get married, money because a big part of many conversations. Oh, you're combining finances? You better hope that your husband doesn't have a secret gambling expense. Does your wife have a shopping obsession? Say goodbye to your 800+ credit score. Money, unfortunately, makes the world go 'round. The fallout of financial problems that could have been prevented in marriage is detrimental, especially when you're actively lying about it.

Such is the case in this next story. The woman who posted the tale explains that she and her husband use each of their incomes for separate things, but both have enough income rolling in every month to save. Well, her husband has secretly been spending his existing savings on random things to the point where there's nothing left. Understandably, the woman is considering separating from him for a while (if not forever) because of this transgression. Scroll to read the entire story.

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  • The woman and her husband are both in their late twenties, so in a position where losing some savings might not be the end of the world. However, the issue lies not only in the financial loss but the loss of trust as well. If she can't trust her husband with money that should be set aside for their future, how can she trust him with anything else? There's a reason he hadn't mentioned the loss of his savings, and it's likely because he knew what he was doing.

  • PRESEN "At this point, I do not just feel disappointed. I feel disrespected." AUD ONE HE'S
    via Roma Kaiuk For Unsplash+

  • "AIO for wanting time apart after discovering my husband secretly spent all of his savings?"

    My husband is 26 and I am 27. We have been married for almost two years, and tonight we had the worst fight we have ever had. I am seriously considering spending some time apart because I feel completely betrayed.
    via ApprehensiveEar3472
  • We have always been financially responsible. We paid for our wedding ourselves, bought and renovated our home four years ago, and have never really struggled with money. One of the
    via ApprehensiveEar3472
  • reasons we have done well is because we committed to saving. When we were aggressively saving for our wedding and home, we put away thirty percent
    via ApprehensiveEar3472
  • of every paycheck. After the wedding, we agreed to save twenty percent of our income to build an emergency fund and plan for the future.
    via ApprehensiveEar3472
  • I have held up my end of that commitment. When my husband's car di d unexpectedly, I covered the cost of a new one without taking on a car payment. When our HVAC unit failed, I paid for that too. Despite these big expenses, I have still managed to keep up my savings.
    via ApprehensiveEar3472
  • Tonight, I found out my husband has saved nothing. Our system has always been that his steady paycheck covers our monthly bills, while my freelance income covers larger expenses like student loans and emergencies. It seemed to be working until now.
    via ApprehensiveEar3472
  • When I asked why he had not saved anything, he said he did not have the money because he was always paying off the credit card, which only he uses. But
    via ApprehensiveEar3472
  • after going through our budget, he should have at least three thousand dollars left over every month. When I asked where that money was going, he had no answer. So I checked his statements.
    via ApprehensiveEar3472
  • Nothing alarming like gambling or cheating, but just reckless and mindless spending. Expensive tech, eating out constantly, ordering lunch at work every day,
    via ApprehensiveEar3472
  • spotting his siblings money for things, impulse purchases, Costco trips that somehow added up to absurd amounts, and just random things that drained everything. It was not one big expense, just a constant stream of unnecessary spending.
    via ApprehensiveEar3472
  • Cheezburger Image 10472902400
    via Getty Images For Unsplash+

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • This is not the first time we have had an issue with his spending. Almost a year ago, we had a serious conversation where I made it very clear that he needed
    via ApprehensiveEar3472
  • to stick to our financial plan. Not only did he break that promise, but he has also spent more than he has earned and even dipped into our savings.
    via ApprehensiveEar3472
  • What hurts the most is that we have always talked about our future and where we see ourselves in five or ten years. He has been the one pushing to start trying for a baby. I was on the fence but recently decided I was ready.
    via ApprehensiveEar3472
  • Until tonight, when I realized he has no savings. Now, our timeline for having kids is delayed. Our plan to move out of a town we both hate is out the window.
    via ApprehensiveEar3472
  • I feel completely blindsided. He has made multiple promises that he has not kept, and when I asked him what his plan was, he said he would put half of his yearly bonus into savings. We had already agreed that bonus would go toward paying off his massive student loans.
    via ApprehensiveEar3472
  • At this point, I do not just feel disappointed. I feel disrespected. I do not understand why he hid this from me or why he thought I would not notice. I have lost so much trust in him, and I do not know how to move forward.
    via ApprehensiveEar3472
  • Would taking time apart be an overreaction? Can trust even be rebuilt after something like this? I am at a complete loss.
    via ApprehensiveEar3472
  • TLDR My husband and I agreed to save twenty percent of our income for our future. I have kept up my end, but tonight I discovered he has saved nothing and has been recklessly spending thousands every month
    via ApprehensiveEar3472
  • on random things. This is not the first time we have had this issue, and I feel completely betrayed. He has been pushing for us to start trying for a baby, but now that seems impossible. Am I overreacting for considering time apart?
    via ApprehensiveEar3472
  • Unable_Ambassa... Not over reacting, financial compatibility is a huge part of relationships. If my gf had. spending habits like that then we wouldn't be together anymore. It's like making plans for the future without actually making plans for the future, incredibly frustrating.
    via Unable_Ambassador_11
  • Ok_Day_8559 NOR. But now you have to decide what you are going to do about your savings that you have put money into and he has not. You need to lock that down immediately otherwise you will be just as broke as he is. He is spending your savings. Decide if you can continue to live like this.
    via Ok_Day_8559
  • Oldstergray This is exactly what broke up my marriage. Once it was clear (not the first time) I decided I couldn't trust him. Consult a lawyer during the time you take apart from him. Good luck, OP.
    via Oldstergray

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relationship advice relationship marriage toxic-husband saving money money problems husbands husband and wife married life marriage-drama relationships husband married savings money toxic relationship
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