‘I feel like she humiliated me on social media’: Mother-in-law hijacks new mom’s heartfelt moment to declare grandmother supremacy, leaving the young mom sidelined and overshadowed

Author image for Etai Eshet
Etai Eshet • Editor
Mar 1, 2025 6:00 AM EST

Titles are funny things. Give someone a title, and suddenly they think it's a personality trait. It's why people put "manager" in their LinkedIn bio and start calling themselves leaders, or why someone who wins a raffle once becomes walking four-leaf clover declaring he's the luckiest person alive. But nowhere is this title inflation more ridiculous than in families, where a nameplate like "grandma" somehow gets interpreted as superior to mere "mom," simply because of the word grand.  

Of course, raising a child isn't about titles, it's about actions. But try telling that to certain grandmas, who hear the news of a baby and immediately assume they've been promoted to CEO of the Family, bypassing Mom entirely. They'll buy the gifts you asked them not to, give the advice no one requested, and, at least once, drop a line about how their connection to the baby is deeper, more spiritual, and definitely freer from all those burdens moms have to deal with. 

Kind of like saying supervisor is higher ranking than CEO because the ladder is just three letters and the former has the word super in it.

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  • "MIL thinks being grandma is more important than being my daughter’s mom."

    "My mother-in-law said there's just something so much better about being a grandma and I just wouldn't understand"
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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Me (27f) and my husband (30m) recently had a baby girl. To give you some backstory, my MIL (50s f) and I have always had a tumultuous relationship which came to a head about two years ago when she sat in my living room and said a lot of
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  • Take one new mom who shared her joy about how motherhood had changed her for the better, only to have her mother-in-law comment about how being grandma was so much better than being a mom. because nothing tops the freedom that comes with skipping the hard parts.

  • homophobic stuff she knew I wouldn't put up with in my house. She made a scene in the front yard yelling, calling names, and saying hurtful things. My husband told her she couldn't be around until she properly apologized.
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  • Fast forward to last year when I got pregnant. I was about 32 weeks when she finally decided to apologize. It wasn't great but I was ready to put everything behind us so cautiously we let her back in. She would, however still
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  • not respect my wishes or boundaries. For example-a small thing but matters to me—I asked for no camouflage baby clothes and most of what she's bought was camouflage. Mostly these are things I can deal with.
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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Things were okay until last week. I posted something about how I felt like being a mom really changed me for the better. I used to be very combative and argumentative and I just have better things to focus on. I've put
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  • a lot of work into letting things roll off that I wouldn't have before. Essentially I just said "Motherhood has been good to me." My MIL commented below about how motherhood is good,
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  • but there's just something/so much better/ about being a grandma and I just wouldn't understand how great it is to be free from "the burden of life."
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  • First of all, I was angry. My daughter is not a burden. She is my biggest joy even on hard days. Secondly, I was embarrassed. I feel like she humiliated me on social media by saying my place in my daughter's life is not as important as hers.
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  • My friends/husband are split on this. Two of my friends said it came across as stealing thunder. One of them said yeah it was weird but probably innocent. And
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  • my husband seems to think it's fine. I feel a little slighted by it but maybe i'm insane? Thoughts? And how do I handle it?
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  • Can't upset Mommy

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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • GK21595 Just block her or mute her comments on social media. She sounds miserable and hateful, and the only reason she's commenting is to get a rise out of you.
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  • Desperate_Bat_512 I would have responded with something along the lines of...oh I'm so sorry you felt being a mom to your children was a burden! I absolutely adore being a mother even on the hardest days! My child is never a "burden of life."
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  • LeaJadis She sounds petty and attention hungry.... but it's also a common statement that being a grandparent is better than being a parent. I wouldn't say more important.... I would say better/funner/easier etc
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  • whysosirius47 Delete her comment and move on. Also block her from seeing your Facebook.
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  • Cherry_clafoutis I actually think you are putting way too much emotional energy into this. Why are you even following MIL on FB? Why do you care that she is embarressing herself and making it your "humiliation"? If someone
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  • was bragging on FB that being a grandmother was more important than being a mum, my reaction would be to think they are needy for attention and keep scrolling. It wouldn't occur to me to judge the mum.
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  • Anyway, you will probably find your life much more pleasant if you mentally assume your MIL is lonely, needy and needs some kindness. Make your default assumption that she is being awkward rather than malicious. Remember the
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  • things she says reflects on her, not you so it isn't your problem. Set your FB so her posts don't come up in your feed. This is actually good advise for life in general.
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  • And the best part about it is, it drives the rare person who actually intended to hurt you nuts when their jabs don't land. You take up their mental energy but they don't take up yours.
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  • Sue323464 I would feel empathy for someone like your MIL who obviously lacks intelligence, manners, and insight. Children live what they learn so she must have been raised by the deficit DNA pool.
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  • Witty Candle_3448 When people show you who they are, believe them. She is trying to belittle you and motherhood, and "one up you" with grand parenthood. Ignore her pettiness but anticipate it in the future. People don't change.
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  • 9smalltowngirl Block her on your social media. If she asks why? Because I'd like for us all to get along for a change.
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family drama inheritance aita AITAH brother mother tradition siblings family feud favoritism wedding aunt sister fiancé grandmother Father
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