Aunt takes in 13-year-old nephew after his dad prioritized his 2 young stepchildren over him, dad criticizes aunt because he disagrees with what his son's therapist is saying: 'I reminded him he chose the therapist and I was helping him'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Mar 4, 2025 8:00 PM EST

So many people think therapy is an easy solution to solving all of your problems. I've seen this point made time and time again online: if someone is going to therapy, it will make them a more moral, just, and virtuous person. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but therapy is not a didactic institution that instructs patients on ethical mores. At best, it gives patients tools to deal with their current problems and the space to process their past issues. No competent therapist will say, "Wow, it sounds like you're the good guy, and everyone else in your life is the bad guy," or vice versa. That can be frustrating for people who go to therapy not to get help or improve themselves but to present their side of the story in a biased way to get sympathy. If you don't approach therapy with good faith, it won't "work," whatever "work" might mean to you. 

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  • The dad in this story is one of those people who wants his therapist to repeat everything he says. Well, not his therapist, but his son's therapist. His son is now living with his aunt because he lashed out at his dad's wife's kids, and his dad is even micromanaging his mental health treatment. 

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    Cheezburger Image 10475788032
    via Christopher Campbell

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    AITA for reminding my brother he chose his son's therapist and he needs to stop blaming me when I'm helping him?

    My 13 year old nephew came to live with me in December. This is a temporary but we're not sure how long he'll be here arrangement. My husband and I will keep him for as long as it takes. But I'll be honest I could see him staying for years.
    via u/Traditional_Worth978
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    The reason he's here is because he's full of anger about his dad, who's my older brother, got remarried 18 months ago and my nephew has felt like his dad's stepkids get more of his time, attention and love than him and it has turned into hatred for his stepsiblings (5 and 6) and in December he unleashed all that anger on the kids and yelled at them. He told them he hated
    via u/Traditional_Worth978
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    them, he wished they'd di so he could have his dad back and any number of things. My brother had taken his focus off his son a lot after remarrying and was shocked by the outburst and calming my nephew down took hours because he yelled at his dad when he was finished yelling at the kids. My SIL attempted to step in but my nephew yelled at her and then went back to yelling
    via u/Traditional_Worth978
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    at his dad. It was the first time my brother realized his son was angry. I hadn't seen them since my brother's wedding but it was a big change. My nephew had mixed emotions on the day of the
    via u/Traditional_Worth978
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    wedding and we talked about it but he wasn't angry. But in the months that followed that anger became a concern and my brother didn't see it.
    via u/Traditional_Worth978
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    After talking to my nephew when he was "calmer" he realized more outbursts were going to happen. Which led him to reaching out and asking me if my husband and I could let my nephew stay for a while. He was honest that he didn't know how long but he didn't want to send his stepkids packing and didn't want my nephew to feel like this was the
    via u/Traditional_Worth978
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    end of the marriage and it would be back to just the two of them so he didn't want to move out with him. I told him assuming he arranged for therapy and everything else that was fine. My brother sends a weekly amount to cover expenses for my nephew.
    via u/Traditional_Worth978
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    My brother set up a therapist for him where I live (we're a couple of hours from each other) and my nephew is doing school virtually right now. My brother drives out to see him once a week and joins him for therapy some weeks. But he's not happy with what the therapist is saying.
    via u/Traditional_Worth978
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    Cheezburger Image 10475802112
    via Kelly Sikkema

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    He confronted me on it and was trying to blame me for the choice of therapist and because therapy wasn't a quick fix. He told me what good is it doing if he's here and with a therapist and we're not helping. He asked what sort of therapist I was bringing him to. Those were the kinds of comments. I reminded him he
    via u/Traditional_Worth978
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    chose the therapist and I was helping him so he needed to stop blaming me. My brother told me there wasn't another option as much as others might disagree. Which makes me think the therapist suggested something he disagreed with.
    via u/Traditional_Worth978
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    But my brother left angry and he called me a couple of days later and told me I don't need to turn on him when he doesn't have a clue what to do and he's still coming to terms with the fact his son hates him and hates innocent kids who did nothing wrong. AITA?
    via u/Traditional_Worth978
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    Cheezburger Image 10475802880
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    Competitive-Metal773 NTA. A zillion bucks says that brother was hoping that the therapist would just tell the kid to basically s kit up and deal, and that would be that. Instead sh probably got real and rather than accepting responsibility for his part in things it's easier to blame everyone else.
    via u/Competitive-Metal773
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    becaolivetree DING DING DING Were you in my family therapy sessions when I was 15, rebelling, and our therapist told Dad *1* was fine, but *HE* should come in weekly? Guess how soon we stopped going to therapy?
    via u/becaolivetree
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    Bice_thePrecious And he's gonna blame everyone else before he accepts any responsibility. He's already blamed the therapist and OP and he's on the verge of blaming his own kid.
    via u/Bice_thePrecious
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    BUTTered WhiteBread Gonna guess the therapist asked why the kids was the one who had to leave his own home when dad moved his new family in.
    via u/BUTTeredWhiteBread
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    Dr_Ukato Because the 5 and 6 year olds aren't the villains here! They don't deserve to have their world uprooted because the adults dropped the ball repeatedly. It's sad but don't forget there are three kids here who needs to be considered, and two of them are far less emotionally evolved to understand why things are as they are.
    via u/Dr_Ukato
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    ELH13 Hmm - kid feels abandoned and like he's no longer a priority for his dad... so dad sends him away to live with his aunt. Sure seems like the best solution to his child's concerns is to reinforce they're very much valid.
    via u/ELH13
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    TSChloeSunrise He chose the therapist, so he needs to own the results, good or bad. Therapy isn't a quick fix, it takes time and effort. He's projecting his frustration onto you because it's easier than facing his own issues. You're helping him by taking care of his son, he should be grateful, not blaming you.
    via u/TSChloeSunrise
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    Comfortable-Bug1737 • 20h ago Top 1% Commenter So he remarried, shows more love to his step kids, doesn't see the resentment in his own child, the child blows up, and he sends him away. Wow, your brother is a bit of a
    via u/Comfortable-Bug1737
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    Traditional_Worth978 OP Yes, and sends him away because he said he needs to protect his stepkids.
    via u/Traditional_Worth978
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    ImpossibleReason2204 The best thing you can do is what you're already doing. Support your nephew unconditionally and do your best to get your brother to take accountability.
    via u/ImpossibleReason2204
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    primeirofilho I'm not a therapist or a child psychologist, but when your child is angry that Dad's step kids are getting all of Dad's attention, sending the child away is sure as sh not going to fix anything. Is your brother generally not very smart? Because in 5 years his son probably cut him off, and I'm wondering if your brother will be genuinely surprised.
    via u/primeirofilho
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    JohnExcrement Your brother and the rest of has family should be in therapy also. What a mess.
    via u/JohnExcrement
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    squidoo11 That kid needs someone in his corner, and OP is stepping up where his dad failed...Unconditional support can make all the difference for a kid feeling abandoned.
    via u/squidoo11
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    ReaderReacting Remember that it isn't that his dad doesn't love him. It's that right now his dad doesn't have the capacity to be a good father. This makes it about his dad's inability and NOT about your nephew.
    via u/ReaderReacting
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    HUNGWHITEBOI25 LOOOOL when a neglectful parent says they "don't like what the therapist is saying" that ALWAYS translates to "they arent excusing my actions and are pointing out i'm a bad parent" NTA Op, thank you for being there for your nephew. God knows that poor kid needs someone in his corner. Also good on you for not coddling your brother.
    via u/HUNGWHITEBOI25
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    _s1m0n_s3z That poor kid. Your brother is a massive POS who is abandoning his child for the sake of a new wife and step family. Is the boy's mother around, or is she de d? If so, OP's best option is to attempt to adopt her nephew, if that is possible. Because it is clear that his dad is useless.
    via u/_s1m0n_s3z
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    Traditional_Worth978 OP My nephew's mom did when he was 1.
    via u/Traditional_Worth978

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