26-year-old man shares house with fiancée and brother, tells fiancée to move out when she calls out his brother's mess: 'You are aiming for a wedding cancelation'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Mar 8, 2025 3:00 PM EST

They say that blooď is thicker than water, but there are a few situations in which that stops being relevant. For instance, in a spat between your wife and your brother… you might want to take your wife's side. That is if you'd like to stay married. This doesn't necessarily mean that you have to agree with everything your wife does, but abandoning her in an argument is not the smartest choice. This is especially true in petty situations. If it's not a major, life-altering disagreement, then you might as well keep peace in your home. Since odds are, you live with your wife, and probably not with your brother. 

In this situation, though, one man lived with both his wife (well, fiancée) and his brother. When roommate rifts started to pop up, as they were wont to do, he tried to stay neutral. There's a problem with staying neutral, though. You're usually implicitly choosing a side. 

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10476391680
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • So he sought out the opinion of the internet to advise him on what he should do, since he was unsure if his actions put him in the wrong or not. Commenters didn't tell him what they wanted him to hear, though. Read on for the story and see what you think. 

  • 02

    AITA? My fiancée and my brother can't get along in a shared house.

    My fiancée (23F), my brother (25M), and I (26M) have been living together in my late grandfather's house for about a year now. Before she moved in, it was just me and my brother. The problem is that my fiancée and my brother have really different standards when it comes to cleanliness, and it's been causing issues.
    via u/IcyBear933
  • 03
    She complains to me a lot about the mess he leaves, and when she does, I usually just clean it up myself. Then she gets annoyed and says I'm a pushover, but honestly, I don't mind doing it. My brother's really sensitive, and if I was constantly bringing stuff up to him, it'd just make things awkward between us. Plus, my fiancée knew what the house was like and how my brother is before moving in.
    via u/IcyBear933
  • 04
    Lately, it's been getting worse because my brother got a dog. Now my fiancée's been pretty demanding with him telling him he has to buy certain things, has to clean up ASAP, etc. It's making the whole house tense. I told her she doesn't really have authority over him, and she's just making it worse, but she thinks it's my
    via u/IcyBear933
  • 05
    responsibility to make him change. I told her that at the end of the day, she can't make him do anything, and if she has a problem, she should bring it up to him directly. But she doesn't agree, and her family also thinks I should be the one dealing with it, which is frustrating.
    via u/IcyBear933
  • 06
    So I suggested that if it's bothering her that much, she could stay at her parents' place for now, and we can just live together after the wedding when we're ready to get our own place. I still see her and her family all the time, so it's not like we'd be apart much. She thinks I'm babying my brother, but I feel like she's overstepping by trying to control how he lives in a shared house.
    via u/IcyBear933
  • 07
    AITA for telling her to just accept the situation or consider staying at home until we get our own place? Edit: Just to add contextual information because people are asking about ownership of the house, it has been inherited by another family member who is letting us live there rent free. We all split any added bills evenly
    via u/IcyBear933
  • 08
    Also our relationship is going great and we know it isn't a permanent situation, the amount of people suggesting us to split up is wild! Getting advice on actual solutions to the situation would be great instead of just ending everything lol.
    via u/IcyBear933
  • 09

    Commenters gave their two cents on what he was doing wrong (which they thought was a lot).

    WoodlandElf90 • 2h ago Don't marry her. You decided to baby your brother. She doesn't need to deal with y'all mess. 25 yo, and he needs his brother to clean after him? You do realise you're not doing him any favours, right?
    via u/WoodlandElf90
  • 10
    . seeemilyplay123 • 2h ago YTA. Your brother is acting like a baby and you are enabling him. YOU should be the one dealing with your family instead of making your fiancé do it. Any adult living. with another adult has a responsibility to not be a slob.
    via u/seeemilyplay123
  • 11
    k23_k23 2h ago YTA "So I suggested that if it's bothering her that much, she could stay at her parents' place for now, and we can just live together after the wedding when we're ready to get our own place." ..you are aiming for a wedding cancelation and a break up, aren't you?
    via u/k23_k23
  • 12
    Ture, it is not her house, but if you don't have her back now, how could she trust you to do it after you get married? The reasonable solution is: Move out with her, and IF that works - when you actually have shown you will chose. her THEN maybe get - married.
    via u/k23_k23
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    Cheezburger Image 10476393728
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 14
    aller... 2h ago • Edited 1h ago Question: . Why does him being "sensitive" mean he can't do chores and learn to be a contributing member of the household?
    via u/allergymom74
  • 15
    Who does own the house? Do you all pay rent/utilities? What does the OWNER of the house think about his care of it? How much will they have to pay to repair the crop your brother is messing with? What does the future ownership of the house look like?
    via u/allergymom74
  • 16
    Why did he get a dog he won't take care of? And why wasn't this an all yes, 1 no situation? For this not being either of your house, you guys are treating your gf, roommate #3, like crap and not respecting her at all. And telling her to "just move out" is such a great solution for possible future married couple.
    via u/allergymom74
  • 17
    Why don't you two move out now and get an apartment together? Is there a chance your brother has to live with you after you're married and you'll expect your wife to accommodate? That sure af ain't happening based on this. Getting married won't fix squat. You aren't willing to be
    via u/allergymom74
  • 18
    a real partner and future husband to your fiance. Your "neutrality" is your brothers side. It's a bandaid. And poor communication and avoidance. Your marriage WILL fail the way this is going. You're naive thinking this will be fixed by you forcing her
    via u/allergymom74
  • 19
    out of the house and fixing things later after you're married. You do realize forcing her out of the house chooses your brother and your marriage won't happen. WHY do you need to live there right now?
    via u/allergymom74
  • 20
    Crazy-Age1423 • 2h ago YTA. I'm sorry for being direct, but you sound very immature and detached from it all. 1. It IS your responsibility to be the go between her and your brother. Just as it is hers to be one between you and her family.
    via u/Crazy-Age1423
  • 21
    2. Do you really think you will be able to build a marriage with a woman, whom you asked to move out of your house? Sorry, that's a one way street of breaking up, and marriage is not even a possibility.
    via u/Crazy-Age1423
  • 22
    Obviously your brother for some reason for you is more important than your fiancee. Make it a swifr break up for less pain and for your own sake grow up before starting a new relationship.
    via u/Crazy-Age1423
  • 23
    normalizingfat • 2h ago your brother is one year younger than you, is there a developmental issue that needs to be addressed? while i think your fiancé should talk to her roommate about her issues, the fact that she's get no back up from her other roommate (you) probably stops her. add on the other relationships and this is a mess. YTA
    via u/normalizingfat
  • 24
    GhostPantherAssualt 2h ago YTA. You are defending your younger brother who's a grown adult to take care of his own pet. Also she's apart of your family or going to be isn't she? Then guess what? She has authority. All I'm taking is that you don't wanna be an older brother and get your kinfolk under control.
    via u/GhostPantherAssualt
  • 25
    Mesapholis 1h ago So, you clean up after your adult brother; you move a fiance into a home where you tell her she has no right to adjust the rules and compromises necessary to change how you guys live together - because adding another adult person with autonomity is necessarily and unavoidably going to change any previous dynamic you had with only your brother;
    via u/Mesapholis
  • 26
    Then you tell get annoyed that she doesn't just accept the standards in the house - which I am going to assume are lacking, because you are actually cleaning up after your brother.
    via u/Mesapholis
  • 27
    Yo, this relationship is a nightmare and I don't understand why you would force someone to live with you, when they have no say how the shared life will be, plus you want to kick the can down the road until after marriage. when it has become obvious that you are not going to step up
    via u/Mesapholis
  • 28
    this is hilarious and tragic. maybe she will realise after some time at her parents, that she doesn't have to settle for this mess and you can keep cleaning up after your brother YTA
    via u/Mesapholis

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