Woman calls off wedding after 30-year-old boyfriend secretly buys a house with his mother, tying him financially to his mom who intends to live there full time: "Oh, well, you can move in too, of course!"

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    AITA calling off my wedding after my fiancé bought house with his mom??

    "I can't marry someone who thinks this is normal."
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    Okay so, me (28F) and my fiancé (30M) have been together 5 years. We were planning our wedding for this fall and had been talking for YEARS about our
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    future like kids, finances, and buying a house together. We had a whole plan to save up, find something we both loved, and make it our home. This was talked about a lot.
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    Welp. Turns out he already bought a house. But not with me... with his MOM. And he didn't even tell me he was looking. Apparently she found "the perfect place" and convinced him to split it with her bc she "didn't want to rent anymore." So now, instead of us planning our future together, he's financially tied to his mother, who's going to be living there fulltime.
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    I just stared at him like... ?? And when I asked where I fit into all this, he goes, "Oh, well, you can move in too, of course!" Like I'm supposed to be thrilled to live in a house his MOM picked out, partially owns, and is just... there all the time. He also admitted he did it bc "I was taking too long" to save and his mom offered him a "faster way” to own something.
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    I was so shocked and ped, I told him I needed space. And the more I thought about it, the more I realized I can't marry someone who thinks this is normal. So, I called off the wedding. And now his
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    whole family is blowing up my phone saying I'm being dramatic, that "it's just a house" and that I'm overreacting bc we can still "live together." Even my own parents are saying canceling the whole wedding is extreme. Like... am I losing my mind?? AITA or is this a giant red flag??
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    Shai7809 NTA - He didn't tell you, he didn't include you, and he just expects you to live with his mom. You're an afterthought.
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    zenFieryrooster Agree. The kick in the teeth is that he made sure to take care of himself in terms of big-ticket assets, leaving OP exposed if they should ever split. And this idea of a 30-year-old being okay living with mom for the rest of his life? OP is right to bounce.
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    bored-panda55 If they had discussed it and it was an agreement for all of them it would be completely different. He didn't even talk to her about it until AFTER it was done. She wasn't even a thought in the entire process.
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    VegetableBusiness897 I don't know why this comment isn't higher.... 'oh well, you can move in too...' You can almost hear him sigh and eye roll his own fiancé
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    vegasbywayofLA Not only did he not include her, but he actively hid it from her. Buying a house is a process. There's mortgage approval, viewing, inspections, offer, counter offers, appraisal, escrow, final walk- through, closing. Even if some of these steps were skipped, there's still a lot of others to go through.
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    There is no possible way he wasn't intentional about keeping it from her. He didn't just not talk to her about it, he most likely lied about where he was going or what he was doing to keep OP in the dark.
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    BasicAppointment9063 This is/was a very complicated deal that should have been discussed. If they marry, no way mom should be on the title. If he was worried about protecting his assets from a potentially failed marriage, that is part of the conversation.
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    410Writer He didn't just buy a house. He built a whole future with his mommy and left you out of it. That's not a mistake....it's a conscious decision to prioritize her over you. And the fact that he thought you'd just move in like a guest in a home his mother controls? Disrespectful as h II.
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    This isn't just a red flag, it's a parade of them. If you marry him, you're not getting a husband...you're signing up to be the third wheel in his codependent
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    Intelligent_Half8061 OP I wanted to say this so bad when his mom was calling me and saying I was selfish She tried to say that she had picked out a bed frame and wallpaper for the master bedroom that she knew I would like. That's when i legitimately lost it..
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    lola_ulm NTA it's not just about the wedding. It's about the life you are going to live with him. If he puts his mother first everything or makes important decisions like this without you it will cause a lot of conflict. And it's not just a house, him buying a house with her means he won't be able to buy one with his wife for quite some time.
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    Readingreddit12345 And if they do, it'll likely be smaller because he's paying the mortgage on the first house so has less to contribute. And they won't have money to renovate or furnish it unless she's paying because suddenly 'Mom needs a new kitchen'
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    shammy_dammy NTA. He's chosen who he wants to live with...and it's not you. Your parents are not the ones who will be living with her. And why are you not blocking your ex's family?
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    PTSSuperFunTimeVet This dude is never going to find another woman again. lol They will run for the hills when he tries to sell them on moving in with him and his mother.
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    Intelligent_Half8061 OP Yep, I guess so. He ended up saying his mom would "eventually end up living there when she gets old and needs taken care of" so why does it matter if she's there now. I'm just !!!???
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    mommy2pk NTA. You two are not compatible and want different things in life. Better to find out now than after the wedding.
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    Retired_ho Man it's going to be hard for him to date again telling women he is in a 30 year mortgage with his mum
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    Ok_Advisor_9716 He did it so you will never legally get it. Glad you called off wedding, you escaped.

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