Grandparents demand to know grandson’s SSN for “food stamps,” the parents find out they’re lying and report them for identity theft: “We have locked and checked everything to make sure our son’s identity is safe”

Author image for Briana Viser
Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
Mar 13, 2025 5:00 PM EDT

Betrayal is a cut that runs deep. It's fraught with corruption, lies, malice, and all the qualities you don't want to see in someone. It's insult to injury because it's not just that someone did something negative to you, but it's the fact that it was someone you trusted in some capacity just makes it all the more hurtful. It could be a parent, friend, or lover. It could be that they lied, that they hid information from you, stole money from you, or cheated you in some way. It's one of the worst feelings to realize that your trust has been shaken. 

When you can't trust your own family, there's almost nowhere left to turn to for solace. It's jarring to say the least, and I don't envy anyone who's in a situation like that. In the story below, it was the grandparents of a boy who did the betraying. 

The narrator is a woman whose in-laws have asked for some sketchy and sensitive information. They claim they're on food stamps, and that they use the excuse of taking care of their grandson as the way to get their stamps. They claim that the food bank has asked for the grandson's SSN, but the parents find out it isn't true. 

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  • 01

    AITAH for not letting my In-Laws use my sons SSN to continue getting food from food banks

    J K B SOCIAL SECURITY AL SEC 00000 ○ CTRL
    via fstop123 from Getty Images Signature / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    Update Below My husband (30m) and I (31F) recently received a phone call from my father in law(54m) Apparently for some time they have been going to food banks to help out since my mother in law (53f) won't work since getting diagnosed with. COPD. They have been telling the food banks that they have been
    via u/One_Screen4996

  • When I first started reading this, I thought that it was dramatic of the protagonist to want to bring the in-laws to court for fraud and identity theft, but as I kept reading I realized the significance of what they did. If they're lying about why they need his SSN then there's definitely something fishy going on, and they might have already started something illegal. 

  • 03
    taking care of their grandson (my son). The food bank has allowed giving them food but just recently asked them for my son's SSN so that they can continue getting food from them. My in laws have not been taking care of my son because we live over 500 miles away from them. We were shocked by them asking for our sons SSN because obviously the
    via u/One_Screen4996
  • 04
    answer is NO! My husband texted them back telling them no it's not gonna happen and they have yet to even respond. Am I the ah le for wanting to take this further and report them to this food bank for fraud and identity theft?
    via u/One_Screen4996
  • 05
    Cheezburger Image 10479209216
    via shironosov from Getty Images / Canva

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  • 06
    UPDATE We have found the food bank and they DO NOT take SSN so we have locked and checked everything to make sure our son's identity is safe and ours as well. No SSN was giving to them because we know better than to jeopardize our identity and our son's identity. We are going to confront them about what we
    via u/One_Screen4996
  • 07
    have found and see if they will give us the truth so we can see where we need to go from here. Thank you all for your advice even the negative feedback it has helped us find a conclusion to this crazy mess.
    via u/One_Screen4996
  • 08
    chaisingsmitty • 19h ago Foodbanks don't normally ask for ssn. At least in my area. That sounds like they want the number so they can access something else, like foodstamps or a new credit card.
    via u/chaisingsmitty
  • 09
    Constantly_Curio... •19h ago Lock down your son's credit. A food bank is never going to ask for anyone's SSN - their mission is to serve people in need. Your in-laws want the SSN number so they can open credit accounts in his name. This also means their credit is terrible.
    via u/Constantly_Curious-
  • 10
    If the food bank is asking for them for further proof of qualifications, then the food bank is already suspicious of them.
    via u/Constantly_Curious-
  • 11
    Never underestimate the ability of people to be really to others but especially their own family. It's much easier to steal from family than strangers. ΝΤΑ
    via u/Constantly_Curious-
  • 12
    APPLICATION FOR FOOD STAMPS % Personal Information Name (Last) Address (Mailing Address) Mail Address (First) (M City) (State) (Zip) Initial) Home Telephone Other Telephone
    via KLH49 from Getty Images Signature / Canva

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  • 13
    Danniedear 19h ago Absolutely not the a hole. In fact, you'd be irresponsible if you didn't take further action.
    via u/Danniedear
  • 14
    Your in-laws are committing fraud by falsely claiming they are caring for your son to receive food bank benefits. Asking for his SSN takes it a step further into potential identity theft. That is a huge red flag and a serious legal issue. If you gave them that number,
    via u/Danniedear
  • 15
    they could open up an entirely new world of financial fraud in your son's name.
    via u/Danniedear
  • 16
    It's one thing to need help, but it's another to lie and exploit a child's identity to get it. If they truly need food assistance, they should be honest about their situation and seek the appropriate support rather than dragging your son's identity into their deception.
    via u/Danniedear
  • 17
    I understand they may be struggling, but their desperation does not justify committing a crime especially one that could impact your son's financial future. Reporting them to the food bank is the right thing to do. They are taking resources away from families who actually qualify and need them.
    via u/Danniedear
  • 18
    Their lack of response after being told "no" speaks volumes. They know what they are doing is wrong. Stay firm, protect your son, and absolutely report it.
    via u/Danniedear
  • 19
    celticmusebooks • 19h ago IMMEDIATELY freeze your credit and your son's credit at all 4 bureaus and get your free annual credit report. Seriously, do that TODAY.
    via u/celticmusebooks
  • 20
    sixdigitage 18h ago I have a brother on the west coast. Twenty years ago, a nephew of ours stayed with my brother for a few months. Five years ago, this nephew discovered, my brother had been using our nephew's ssn and name since the time he stayed, using it for all the utilities.
    via u/sixdigitage
  • 21
    My nephew never figured out how his uncle got his ssn. One morning from the East Coast, my nephew phoned all the utilities and told them. By the time my brother woke up, his utilities were being cut off.
    via u/sixdigitage
  • 22
    He was upset with this nephew! So, yes, lock all of yours ssn numbers and if you can, check credit and freeze them.
    via u/sixdigitage
  • 23
    HCIBSW 19h ago ΝΤΑ I have had to use food banks over the years here & there. Medical issues, unable to work (even if it is just one of a couple) would probably give them access without having to pull your son into it.
    via u/HCIBSW
  • 24
    Yes I have had to show ID at some, but not once ever was a SSN asked for. I don't want to say that your in-laws are up to something nefarious and need your son's SSN to do so, but it just doesn't sound right. (like getting a better tax return by claiming him as a start)
    via u/HCIBSW
  • 25
    Agoraphobe961 • 19h ago NTA. Food banks don't typically require SSN's, they just ask for an ID from the adult to prove residency. However, it may be needed. for SNAP or some well meaning person at the food bank wants to help sign
    via u/Agoraphobe961
  • 26
    them up for other benefits. The bank may also run a program this time of year to do free tax returns and they want to have your parents claim the kid. This can cause you issues as you are the one who is claiming the kid on your taxes right? Now you get your refund stopped and get to have a lovely discussion with the IRS.
    via u/Agoraphobe961
  • 27
    RemoteChildhood1 • 18h ago Food banks dont usually ask for that. The SSN is critical info not even schools ask for in some states. Be wary and dont trust your in laws. They want something more than just food.
    via u/RemoteChildhood1

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