Dad criticizes his 26-year-old son's summer wedding date because his 6, 7, and 9-year-old stepchildren stay with their dad during the summer: 'There were tears when they found out they wouldn't be able to come'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Mar 23, 2025 8:00 PM EDT

I hate when people think they have a say in the location or time of someone else's wedding. Now, if you're footing the bill, you should probably have some kind of a say in whether a destination wedding in Mexico for 200 guests is within your budget. But if you're just a random friend or family member, you can either show up and enjoy the big day or decline the invitation if a wedding detail makes you so irate. It's difficult enough to find a weekend that will work for the bride, groom, their bridesmaids, groomsmen, the venue, and the couple's parents. If you're not one of those people, you are probably not important enough to schedule the wedding around. If you have a conflict that is more important to you than the wedding, it's your choice to make unless uncontrollable forces are preventing you from going, which happens but is rare. 

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  • The kids in this story are in an extenuating circumstance. They want to attend their stepdad's adult son's wedding, but their dad has sole custody of them in the summer when the wedding is scheduled. Instead of their parents compromising and making it work like adults, the groom-to-be is taking the heat. 

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    Cheezburger Image 10483866112
    via Diana Light (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    AITA for not planning my wedding in a way that allows my dad's stepkids to attend?

    My fiancée (26f) and I (26m) are getting married this upcoming June and my dad is unhappy with the date. So is his wife. The reason for this unhappiness is my dad's stepkids will be spending the summer with their father as they normally do and won't be around to attend the wedding.
    via u/SleekSkeere
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    My dad remarried when I was already an adult and I'm not close to his wife or her kids. I rarely spend any time with them. But because I've been kind to the kids when I see them they have bonded with me more than I have with them and they were exited for the wedding. My dad was
    via u/SleekSkeere
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    excited for them. He and his wife both believed I would book a date when the kids would be available. But my dad's stepkids being there is not a priority for my fiancée or for me, so we didn't plan around the custody schedule.
    via u/SleekSkeere
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    My dad's stepkids are 6, 7 and 9 right now. They heard about the wedding from my dad and their mom. They were looking forward to it. Apparently they were talking about how pretty it would be and the girls were excited to wear nice dresses. Then there were tears when they found out they wouldn't be able to come.
    via u/SleekSkeere
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    via Annie Spratt

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    I know it might be suggested that my dad's wife could figure something out with her ex. But they're on bad terms and I don't think he cares much from his kids from the limited information I have. I know the kids don't look forward to seeing their dad. They have started to see my dad as their dad too. So they see me as
    via u/SleekSkeere
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    their dad too. So they see me as their brother instead of stepbrother. This might or might not be relevant to the post but I wanted to give as much info as | could so everyone can decide whether I'm an a or not.
    via u/SleekSkeere
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    My dad is my only living parent. My mom did when I was 2. But my dad and I don't have the closest relationship. I love him. But I wouldn't reschedule for his sake either, which is something I was asked about. We sent out save the dates in December and that's when this whole conflict started.
    via u/SleekSkeere
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    I have heard many times since then that the kids are upset and they cried about missing the wedding. My dad said it's as much about missing a chance to see me as anything because they look forward to it and I don't visit often.
    via u/SleekSkeere
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    My dad's wife is angry because she was under the assumption I was going to embrace being an older brother and would want her kids there and would want to make them happy. AITA?
    via u/SleekSkeere
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    Cheezburger Image 10484100864
    via Andrey Zvyagintsev

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    NotAgain Hel15 You shouldn't have to schedule your wedding around someone else's custody arrangements. Plus as well if they really wanted the kids to be there (and you invited them), they are the adults, to ask for a
    via u/NotAgainHel15
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    few days (maybe only one day depending on location and how long the wedding is) change to their custody schedule is up to them. Your dad and stepmother could resolve this instead of causing drama - even if she's got a bad relationship with the ex, that's still her responsibility, not yours.
    via u/NotAgainHel15
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    Successful Voice8542 Lots of parents make custody schedule adjustments to accommodate life. It sounds like your dad's wife just doesn't want to try since she and her ex don't get along and instead is putting all the pressure on you. Who asks someone to move their entire wedding because they don't want to make a phone call? Talk about entitled! ΝΤΑ
    via u/Successful_Voice8542
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    Human_Extreme 1880 Exactly OP is not the one making the children's life miserable it's the lack of adulting and coparenting
    via u/Human_Extreme_1880
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    sleepingrozy I'm betting it's some sh like he won't just give up the days, which is completely justified, and will probably want exchange the days to get extra days with the kids over Christmas break.
    via u/sleepingrozy
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    SimpleHeat The reason for this unhappiness is my dad's stepkids will be spending the summer with their father as they normally do and won't be around to attend the wedding. Are they saying they expected you to just not have a summer wedding at all? It would be one thing if it were a matter of shifting by a week to accommodate split schedule but the summer? NTA
    via u/SimpleHeat
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    Subjective_Box the most OP's dad can expect is "I'm sorry you're having these issues, hope you figure something out". There're so many moving parts (and people) in planning a wedding, someone's custody schedule is not something OP should emotionally take on.
    via u/Subjective_Box
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    BraveLittleMountain And they have 7 months notice to make arrangements.
    via u/BraveLittleMountain
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    FluidHospital2646 Your day. You do you.
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    Efficient Way6064 NTA bro it's your wedding you gotta do what's best for you and your fiancée.
    via u/Efficient_Way6064
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    Lurkeyturkey113 NTA. I really find it hard to believe the kids are even upset unless it's due to step mom planting sh in their head which makes it bit your fault one bit. You were nearly a legal adult when the first step sibling was born of which she was still married to another man and popping out his kids for several more years. Unless your father got with her while she was pregnant or had an infant they've only been together about 4 years maybe married 3 if they didn't wait long which puts pa
    via u/Lurkeyturkey113
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    Abby_Rain_87 You make a really good point. When I read the kids ages and the parents are on bad terms made me wonder why? My first thought infidelity on the mom's part, how do you move on and remarry so quickly with such young children. She definitely set the kids up for disappointment she got them excited about having a big brother and the wedding and then she upset them by telling them they can't go she seems toxic but this is pure speculation.
    via u/Abby_Rain_87
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    kazyape The larger issue, is, clearly, your father is closer to his step kids than he is to you, and he and his wife are expecting you to be part of an extended family that you are not inclined to want to do. For whatever reason he did not extend the kind of caring to you that he's doing with this second family. You have been kind and loving to them anyway ----good on you. However, you have every right to nurture and care for yourself and prioritize your fiance and her feelings. She is your fami
    via u/kazyape
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    And if you sent out save-the- dates, in December it's outrageous that they haven't done that already. They can even go to court and make a caveat in the current custody arrangements to allow for special occasions for each other. This is not the only time something like this is going to happen, it is going to happen again. Let legal counsel handle it You are not their parent! Can't you see this happening again and again? At minor and major markers in their and your lives? Their graduations, someo
    via u/kazyape
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    ...Always expected to center your life and your new family plans around them. Set the boundary ... Live your life. As a possible compromise? Send the kids a small custom wedding photo album just for them or make a small video just for them, where you say in the video to them.... Thanks for the love you have for us on our wedding day. If you want. But no pressure. & Congratulations! Happiness to you and your fiance
    via u/kazyape
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    SleekSkeere OP There's nothing they can do to make sure the kids are there. At least not on the date we set. So they want us to work around the kids.
    via u/SleekSkeere
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    Orsombre You are not the kids' parents. It is for them to find a solution, like asking their father -or a court-for the kids to attend your wedding. I bet your father wants you to become their big brother without any effort on his and his wife's part. And you not listened and found cruel if/when you say you do not consider these kids as part of your family. I'd wait for that, and focus on my wedding. Just tell your father's wife that she needs to discuss with their father.
    via u/Orsombre

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family drama entitled parents stepkids summer entitled parent stepchild stepfather parenting wedding dad family stepdad weddings parents Father custody
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