Only daughter of 3 older brothers has the “womanly” responsibility of gift giving in the family, she signs the card to be from only her to incite her brothers: “Yes, I wanted to accuse my brothers”

Author image for Briana Viser
Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
Mar 28, 2025 1:00 PM EDT

Family relationships can be complicated. With siblings, things get even more complicated than they'd be if you were an only child. If you have multiple siblings, then things are sure to get heated quickly. Of course, adding more people to the mix is sure to cause more drama. If you're an only child, you don't even have the opportunity to gang up on a sibling. And if you are a family of 5 children, even more likely that you'll either form an alliance with one or more of your siblings, or that at the very least you'll have your favorites. I only have one sister, and I can't imagine having more. It would change the dynamic completely. Not to mention the stress that it puts on the parents. How does anyone manage having more than 3 children? Big families come with big responsibilities. 

In the story below, the protagonist isn't just in a big family, she's the only female of 4 other brothers, all of which are older, and only one of which is younger. She's in a difficult position in her family structure, and being the only girl means they put a different pressure on her than they do the boys. But you'll have to read the full story for all the details. 

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  • 01

    AITAH because I didn't buy a joint birth present for our mother (in the name of me, all my siblings and our father)?

    "They were counting on me to buy something big"
    via Maryam from Pexels / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    I have four brothers: three older (31, 28, 26), and one younger (21). I (F, 24) am the only daughter in the family. I wasn't raised much differently than the boys; we all had to do the same things around the house, and we all learned how to
    via Reddit
  • 03
    cook, do laundry, and change car tires. Of course, we all have different interests and strengths, but of course, that also applies to the boys among themselves. One thing that's somehow a "woman's job" in our house, however, is organizing parties,
    via Reddit
  • 04
    whether it's Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, birthdays, or graduations. That includes buying presents. I think that's more because my mother simply loves it; you can see the anticipation in her face when she buys presents, how excited she is when e.g. the
    via Reddit
  • 05
    birthday child opens them. She loves decorating the house, inviting people over, cooking special meals, baking cakes. For my mother, this is more of a hobby than a duty. My father leaves this joy to her, doesn't interfere, but always has our
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  • 06
    mother show him the presents beforehand because he wants to know what's inside.
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  • 07
    Well, my mother has been doing all of this for over three decades now, and until I was 13, she basically got nothing in return. If my father remembered to make a cake with batter mix on her birthday, or to buy a bouquet of flowers at a gas station, that was quite a lot.
    via Reddit
  • 08
    From us children, when we were little, she naturally received typical childhood gifts: something hand-painted or crafted, something from the heart, but of course not materially valuable. But our father received similar gifts from us as children. So that was "fair."
    via Reddit
  • 09
    When I was 13, my older brothers and my father decided I was old enough, and that as a daughter, it was "my job" to make sure our mother got something back after so many years without happy birthdays.
    via Reddit
  • 10
    I decorate the house at night while she's sleeping, bake cakes, and most importantly, I buy a big, expensive gift, divide the price by 6, and then my brothers and my father give me the money. Basically, I like doing it; it's about my mother, she deserves it.
    via Reddit
  • 11
    What bothers me, though, is that the "involved" men like to praise themselves in front of Mom and other relatives, saying how much thought they put into the gifts, how much work it was to secretly decorate the house at night, and how difficult it was to learn all of this when they were the only ones receiving the gifts for years.
    via Reddit
  • 12
    Mom knows full well that her sons and her husband have no idea what was in the gift all these years, and unfortunately, the relatives don't.
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  • 13
    Unfortunately, I didn't quite match Mom's taste for Christmas; I bought a necklace. It wasn't difficult to fix the mistake; we went to the store a few days after Christmas, she picked out a different necklace, and it was exchanged without any problems.
    via Reddit
  • 14
    My brothers, however, made fun of me for it, saying, "What kind of daughter are you that you can't even pick out a necklace for your own mother?" And to this day, some of my brothers still haven't given me their financial share of the joint Christmas present because, "We can't rely on you to make the gifts perfect."
    via Reddit
  • 15
    Cheezburger Image 10485769984
    via 89Stocker / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 16
    Last week was Mom's birthday. None of my brothers ever contacted me about a gift, never asking for anything. As expected, they were counting on me to buy something big and then they'd give me money.
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  • 17
    Instead, I just gave her a small gift, just within my budget. I clearly handed it over with the words "from your daughter" instead of the usual "from your children and your husband."
    via Reddit
  • 18
    Yes, I wanted to accuse my brothers, I wanted to lure them into an "ambush." I deliberately didn't tell anyone about my plan. They obviously think they can't rely on me anyway, so there they have the proof.
    via Reddit
  • 19
    Cheezburger Image 10485762816
    via MivPiv from Getty Images Signature / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 20
    They could have asked me, they could have coordinated with me, but they didn't. I'm not responsible for them thinking about gifts.
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  • 21
    I knew this would end in conflict, that I would be accused of being mean, of destroying the family, whatever.
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  • 22
    I was a bit surprised, though, that my mother wasn't really behind. me either. She thinks I should have announced it. She thought it was a shame that she ended up with almost no presents on her birthday.
    via Reddit
  • 23
    So my question is: Did I go too far? Should I have communicated this clearly beforehand? AITAH
    via Reddit
  • 24
    Zscalerrguy ⚫ 12h ago So, you were born to become the family party coordinator. Now that you're an adult, you do NOT have to do squat. The family - meaning everyone else needs to pull their own
    via u/Zscalerrguy
  • 25
    weight. They're pressuring you because THAT is EASY. Actually contributing to a celebration - well they're fish out of water. LET THEM FLOP around. There are no mistakes when you present a gift. Full Stop. Some one or a group have no right to make you feel bad about it.
    via u/Zscalerrguy
  • 26
    Your mom could exchange the necklace. I suspect you're in a culture where it's difficult for you as a female to not do as your told. Sadly, I can't help you with that.
    via u/Zscalerrguy
  • 27
    Good_Ad6336 • 11h ago NTA. My advice is to send a single message via group chat.
    via u/Good_Ad6336

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