Mom won't let 17-year-old son quit volunteering at the local library where she works so that he can interview for jobs: 'She said i was selfish'

Devoting your time to volunteer work is a selfless and altruistic act, and doing it as a kid can help you gain a greater sense of the world and your place in it, along with teaching you other important life lessons about working and life in general. Generally, unless you're a really good and selfless kid, your parents will be forcing you to do this "volunteering" with the intention of teaching you the aforementioned lessons.

But this begs the question: Is it really volunteer work if you're not doing it voluntarily? At that point, it's more like court-ordered community service with your mom being the judge. 

And how this works changes as you get older. Something that you were doing at your parent's behest as a kid may not be a lesson that's necessary any longer. Just because it served as a good life lesson and helped you develop the concept of responsibility and what it means to work doesn't necessarily mean that you still need to be doing it when you're 17 years old, not when you could now be actually working and working towards your own future and self-sufficiency.

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  • Still, when you're a kid (and even as an adult), your parents are going to want to tell you what to do, and there may come a point where you need to stand your ground and establish new boundaries. That's what this teen had to do when his mother insisted that he continue volunteering at the library where he had been working with her since he was a child.

    The teen turned to this online community to see if he was in the wrong for his refusal and for trying to establish individuality. 

    It really seems like this mother is having trouble letting go and letting her little boy spread his wings, to his detriment. This isn't the first one of these we have seen where the kid is more mature than their parent and I'm sure it won't be the last. 

  • 01

    "As I’ve been getting older, it’s been posing more of an issue in my life. I have a part time job and she had me ask for days off in order to volunteer"

    Cheezburger Image 10486117888
    via Adam Winger

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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  • 02

    "AITA for refusing to do volunteer work for my mom?"

    i (17M) regularly volunteer at the library that my mom (49F) works at, and i've been doing this since sixth grade. i was more or less forced into it as a child. the things i most commonly volunteer for are "teen programs" (free activities for kids from 6th grade through highschool, things like murder mystery events or video game tournaments). the room i work in is loud and echoey, and the kids attending these programs are often r_de
    via MixAny50
  • 03
    with all that being said, i never put up a fight to do this stuff. my mom told me volunteer hours would help me get into a good college, and she's always been kind of a "my way or the highway" type of parent. so i sucked it up and did them anyways. but as i've been getting older, it's been posing more of an issue in my life. it have a part time job and she had me ask for days off in order to volunteer. i also noticed i was always the oldest at these events, with even most of the other volunteers
    via MixAny50
  • 04
    schoolers. recently i started trying to get a second job, in order to make enough money to fly my long distance girlfriend down to my state this summer. i knew this was going to be a scheduling conflict with volunteering, and decided to tell my mom this morning. as i was telling her i had a job interview later, she asked if i could still make it to the program happening tonight. i knew this interview would take a lot out of me (again, i'm autistic, high stress social situations are exhausting),
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  • 05
    it was then that i finally told her i didn't. want to volunteer anymore. i need to focus on making money and preparing to be an adult. i've already been accepted into a good college, and i also explained the grievances i had with the enviornment at the library. after i said this, she blew up at me. she said she was disappointed that i wasn't okay with being uncomfortable for a little while in order to give back to my community. she said "life isn't always going to be sensory friendly" which.. i
    via MixAny50
  • 06
    i explained that to her and she said i was selfish. she brought up the fact that i quit all of my extracurriculars in middle school (i was extremely depr sed at the time and couldn't handle them), and said she thought i had no aspirations or hobbies. this is... not true, and frankly hurt a lot. i talk to her about my hobbies all the time. i guess i'm just worried i'm being selfish for not wanting to volunteer my time at the library. so, AITA? TLDR; my mom is angry that i'm prioritizing making mo
    via MixAny50
  • 07
    OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the a hole: i believe i might be the a hole because i'm not willing to do volunteer work anymore, and i'm afraid this decision might be selfish.
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  • 08
    Cheezburger Image 10486118144
    via Getty Images For Unsplash+

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 09
    Malphas43 NTA. When you were depr sed and quit your activities in middle school, your mother should have realized something was wrong and searched for ways to help you. She should NOT be throwing it in your face and using it against you. Why does your mom want you to volunteer so much? Why does she insist on it so heavily? Does she expect you to take time off of college and skip classes so you can come back and volunteer? The same way she makes you take time off from work?
    via MixAny50
  • 10
    It sounds to me like you are doing very well with your sensory issues. You know which situations trigger you, and you avoid them when you can but muster through when you still have to be in them. It sounds to me like mom is the one who isn't sensory friendly. May I ask where your dad or other family members are in all of this?
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  • 11
    ihate_snowandwinter • 5h ago Volunteer coordinator or program coordinator isn't part of your Mom's job is it? She's using you to make her job easier. You have hit a point where you are ready to move on. Unless she's paying for your school, you need to earn money.
    via MixAny50
  • 12
    SpaceCrazyArtist 5h ago . NTA I hate the "you're selfish" argument. You're ALLOWED to be selfish. You're allowed to want to take time for yourself. You're allowed to not want to volunteer when it is emotionally draining. It's hard with an over baring parent. Maybe offer a compromise of once a week? Or twice a month. That way you can do what you want and she still gets her volunteer hours. And that college thing is total BS. I do have a question about your Gf though... why are you paying for that
    via MixAny50
  • 13
    cinekat NTA. You are still in school as well as working part-time, you've already achieved a lot of goals and dealt with some issues. It's perfectly fine to say no and take some time for yourself.
    via MixAny50
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