Woman sneakily invites boyfriend to girls trip to Japan, expect friends to cover his costs: 'Why is your friend the travel dictator'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Mar 28, 2025 10:00 PM EDT

Planning a trip can be a lot of work, especially if it's with a group of people. You're not only managing people's transportation, accommodation, and activities, but you're also managing their emotions. You're dealing with interpersonal conflicts, their needs and preferences, and their emotions around spending money. Maybe there's somebody they don't want to share a room with, or they have a strong feeling about what tours you should or shouldn't do, or maybe they're super particular about their sheet thread count so you have to choose just the right hotel. Some people are crazy and their crazy comes out when you're traveling with them. It's the ultimate test of friendship. This is why it's crucial to only travel with the friends you know you will get along with. 

Even if you go with your besties, though, issues are bound to arise. This becomes especially true once significant others are involved. 

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10486427904
    via Unsplash+ (Nina Zeynep Güler)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • That's what happened in this story when the woman in charge of planning the trip tried to pull a little wool over her tripmates' eyes. But when they caught on to what she was doing, they had second thoughts about joining in on the trip. Read on for the details and see what you would have done.

  • 02

    WIBTA for canceling on a girls trip after the plans changed?

    My friends and I have been planning on going to Japan sometime in 2026 for a girls trip. The oldest of us 4 girls has been in a relationship with her boyfriend for 10+ years, I've been with my husband for 6 years, another girl has been with her girlfriend for 3
    via u/turtletank1005
  • 03
    years and the youngest (and biggest planner so far) of us has been dating her boyfriend for about a year. When we first started talking about it, we said girls trip. Now all of a sudden, we have the boyfriend of a year tagging along.
    via u/turtletank1005
  • 04
    No other partner is allowed to come with. When I found out, I lost my cool. I told my husband how I was already on the fence about leaving the country without him and how it ped me off that I can't have my HUSBAND come with but my friends boyfriend can
    via u/turtletank1005
  • 05
    come with and I'm still expected to pay for a fourth of everything. All us girls are expected to absorb his share of things. Since my friend is making the decisions on where we are staying and flights, I can't just tell her my husband is coming with us. So I'm strongly thinking I just say I'm out and explain why. I just worry that my friends would think I'm overthinking?
    via u/turtletank1005
  • 06

    Commenters had some questions about this all went down.

    Impossible_Rain_... • 12h ago Info: Have you spoken with your friend about this? It kind of sounds like you have just accepted that she is bringing him without any sort of pushback from you.
    via u/Impossible_Rain_4727
  • 07
    turtletank1005 OP • 12h ago I literally just found out about it after reading our document we made to keep plans straight. She is currently working so I haven't been able to talk to her.
    via u/turtletank1005
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    TheMightyKunkel • 12h ago "Oh great, we're bringing partners? He'll be so excited! Are X BF and Y husband coming too?" Let her tell you "No only I am" She is gonna pick things for the two of them, and you're all gonna bankroll them and then be left swinging any time she wants alone time. (at least half the evenings)
    via u/TheMightyKunkel
  • 09
    Cheezburger Image 10486428416
    via Unsplash+ (Nina Zeynep Güler)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 10
    Sunnyok85 12h ago It sounds like you have found out through a document that her boyfriend is coming. You have not spoken to her to have this confirmed. So respond to the shared document and say "I just want to make sure that I'm reading this correctly. It looks like boyfriend is coming." Once you get a yes or no from that, then you can respond more.
    via u/Sunnyok85
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    No he's not coming. End of discussion. Yes he is coming "hey, I really thought this was a girls trip. It isn't sitting right with me that it was opened up to him without a group discussion, and now he's coming but it's not open to the other guys."
    via u/Sunnyok85
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    You can then go on about a room being split 4 ways, both sharing a bed so where does the 5th sleep. Or splitting 2 rooms, where you now have someone sharing a room with a couple, and who agreed to that? So there are going to be price changes and ask those to be addressed.
    via u/Sunnyok85
  • 13
    If the answers aren't satisfactory, you have a choice to say "while I was really excited about this, it's not the trip I had imagined or wanted so I feel I need to back out". Or "We need to discuss a different division of money, he needs to
    via u/Sunnyok85
  • 14
    contribute. I'm willing to put in$" or "I don't know if I can trust you to not make big changes without consulting us". Or you go ahead with it and reevaluate your friendship. Quiet honestly, you're going to re reevaluating your friendship if it's not a typo because it's r de she didn't communicate with you guys before making a big change.
    via u/Sunnyok85
  • 15
    johnnydlive • 12h ago NTA, this is a material change from the original trip. Moreover, why is your friend the Travel Dictator? Kick her and the freeloader to the curb and plab your own trip.
    via u/johnnydlive
  • 16
    INFO: This situation is so outrageous, that I am wondering why you feel that there is enough of a dispute for a vote here. I can't see anyone remotely voting YTA. Am I missing something?
    via u/johnnydlive
  • 17
    turtletank1005 OP 12h ago Mostly because it would force the girls who do go to pay more for housing since they would get the same amount of rooms with or without me
    via u/turtletank1005
  • 18
    Redlight0516 • 12h ago Because you haven't addressed the concerns with her yet: ESH I think it's fair that these changes are impacting your desire to go. But venting on here and being ready to pull the plug without even being like "Yo, your Boyfriend is coming on our girls trip and we're paying for him? ?"
    via u/Redlight0516
  • 19
    If she is insistent on him coming, then you would be well within your right to pull out of the trip and once you've actually addressed it with her, I would say you are not the a h le.
    via u/Redlight0516
  • 20
    Dittoheadforever. 12h ago YWNBTA. It sounds like someone made a unilateral decision to completely alter the complexion of the trip. but my friends boyfriend can come with and I'm still expected to pay for a fourth of everything. All us girls are expected to absorb his share of things.
    via u/Dittoheadforever
  • 21
    WtAF? Absolutely not. Why are you expected to pick up the tab for one person's boyfriend? I would be out and I'm hard headed enough to try and convince the other two friend ro bail, too.
    via u/Dittoheadforever
  • 22
    Whispergloww 7h ago It's a girls' trip, not a couples' trip with special exceptions. They changed the terms after you were already committed, and they're expecting you to pay for it? That's not cool. You're not overthinking; they're being inconsiderate.
    via u/Whispergloww
  • 23
    It's perfectly reasonable to feel upset about them changing the plans, especially when it involves you paying more for something you didn't agree to. Canceling and explaining why is a totally valid response.
    via u/Whispergloww
  • 24
    Pu... • • 12h ago Edited 12h ago NTA. No effing way! Bad enough that she is changing the plans by inviting her boyfriend on a dedicated girls trip, but excluding anyone else from inviting partners and expecting you all to cover his costs? Absolutely not.
    via u/Pure-Philosopher-175
  • 25
    Ditch her and the boyfriend, and you and the other girls. take your own trip without them. Make sure she reimburses you for any money you have paid as well.
    via u/Pure-Philosopher-175
  • 26
    badpandacat • 12h ago NTA. The parameters changed, and you are no longer obligated to go. I'm betting the others aren't pleased with "just my boyfriend" and will also bail. At this point, I wouldn't go.
    via u/badpandacat
  • 27
    even if she dropped the boyfriend going because she'll be unpleasant the entire trip. Let her go with the boyfriend by themselves, and the rest of you go elsewhere, with or without your partners.
    via u/badpandacat

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