19-year-old student asked to give up her room for 27-year-old sister's 5-year-old and 3-year-old: 'I don’t see why I should be the one to sacrifice my room when this situation isn’t my fault'

Author image for Brad Dickson
Brad Dickson • Managing Editor
Mar 26, 2025 11:00 PM EDT

Your room: your sanctum, your retreat. That place where you can go where no one is going to bother you and where you're not going to be perceived, whether it's a shared living situation or you're still living with family—and no matter how many people you live with.

Having that refuge, that fortress of solitude is pretty essential to maintaining solid mental health 

Everything in life, all effort, stems from the ability to rest, recharge, and approach the day with fresh vigor. While you can get away with a bad night of sleep every once in a while, sustained sleep deprivation and the general inability to rest and recharge are going to start causing you cascading problems in your work, studies, and social relationships. 

When this 19-year-old college student learned her recently divorced 27-year-old sister would be moving back into the family home with her two young children, she was surprised to learn that their parents expected her to vacate her room in order to give it up to the kids.

There seems to be a general lack of understanding from this family regarding the importance of space. Really, it would make more sense for the kids to remain sleeping with their mother and contain the disruption to that space, they're young enough that personal space isn't really going to matter much to them… I slept in a closet for a while when I was a wee tyke until my parents moved into a bigger place and I can't really say I'm worse off for it. But, unquestionably, it's going to be impossible for this student to "make do" with no space of her own to rest and study.

Frustrated the student shared her situation with this online community, appealing to readers for their advice. 

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  • 01

    "I said no. I’ve lived here my whole life, and this is still my home. I need my own space, especially since I have a heavy college workload."

    Cheezburger Image 10486715648
    via Wesley Tingey For Unsplash+

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 02

    "AITA for refusing to give up my bedroom for my niece and nephew?"

    I (19F) still live at home with my parents while I attend college. I pay for my own tuition and contribute to household expenses when I can, but since my school is local, living at home saves me a ton of money. Recently, my older sister (27F) and her two kids (5M & 3F) moved back in after her divorce. She's struggling financially, and my parents are letting her stay here rent-free until she gets back on her feet. I get that it's a tough situation, and I've been helping out with the kids when I c
    via HellenMiller_2007
  • 03
    The issue is that my parents want me to give up my bedroom so my sister's kids can have their own space. We have a small house, and my sister is already taking the guest room, so the kids are currently sleeping with her. My parents think it would be better for them to have their own room and are asking me to move to the couch. or "make do" by squeezing into their office space.
    via HellenMiller_2007
  • 04
    I said no. I've lived here my whole life, and this is still my home. I need my own space, especially since I have a heavy college workload. I don't see why I should be the one to sacrifice my room when this situation isn't my fault. My sister is upset, saying her kids are uncomfortable, and my parents are disappointed in me for "not being more understanding." Now the whole house is tense, and I'm wondering if I'm being selfish. AITA?
    via HellenMiller_2007
  • 05
    OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the a hole: I refused to give up my bedroom for my sister's kids, even though my parents and sister think I should. They believe I'm being selfish and not considering the comfort of my niece and nephew. I might be the a hle because I'm prioritizing my own space over their needs, even though they're young and in a tough situation.
    via HellenMiller_2007
  • 06

    "My sister is upset, saying her kids are uncomfortable, and my parents are disappointed in me for 'Not being more understanding.'"

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    via Toa Heftiba For Unsplash+

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 07
    helican • 4h ago NTA. Couldn't your parents move to the couch and office and give up their bedroom?
    via HellenMiller_2007
  • 08
    Sneaky_Fox85 • 4h ago NTA - No one's stopping your sister from taking the couch and giving her kids the guest room. They are HER responsibility after all. No one is stopping your parents from taking the couch and giving the kids THEIR bedroom. There's 2 options that don't involve forcing you out of your bedroom. What's stopping THEM from sacrificing? Oh right, it'd be an inconvenience, and it's easier to inconvenience others rather than suffer themselves.
    via HellenMiller_2007
  • 09
    • OhmsWay-71 4h ago NTA. HI no is right. Do not give up your space. It leaves you with none and you need something private living with all these people. Stay calm and logical, and don't get emotional or loud. People stop listening when you get loud. Say something like...
    via HellenMiller_2007
  • 10
    "I have a great deal of empathy for the tight space that you guys are in. Please understand that I only have my room and I need the space to study, and to have a spec of privacy. I fully support you being here, but 3 extral people in the house has already been a big adjustment. It simply isn't fair to ask me to essentially give up having any space. I do not just use my room for sleeping. It is where I do everything. I suggest that we convert the living room into more of a bedroom/community room.
    via HellenMiller_2007
  • 11
    Lastly. Is your room bigger than the guest room, where maybe you offer to switch rooms, taking the smaller space and giving them a bit more room to stretch out, but that would be the only compromise I would be willing to make.
    via HellenMiller_2007
  • 12
    Calyptra_thalictri • 4h ago NTA Between you and your sister, it seems like she should be the one to take the couch or office space if her kids are uncomfortable sharing a room with her. Is there any chance this is your parents trying to nudge you out of the house so that they can focus on getting your sister and her kids back on their feet?
    via HellenMiller_2007
  • 13
    Lucy_Nell 4h ago • NTA. You are going to school, you need a room to work and to refresh. Your sister can give her room to her kids and go to sleep in the sofa. She's the one needing to put her sh together for her family. Or you parents can give up their room if giving a room to the kids is that important. Why do you need to be the one doing the sacrifice?
    via HellenMiller_2007
  • 14
    ATXBored25 • 4h ago IF You are working, going to school, and contributing to household expenses, then no. You are a part of the household and do your part. Now your sister and her kids deserve some sympathy, but kids that young will not feel uncomfortable without a room. Make it a special sleep over in the living room for them. They just do not need the space like you do for rest, school work, and decent sleep.
    via HellenMiller_2007
  • 15
    TemptingPenguin369 · 4h ago NTA. You know who should "make do" by squeezing in somewhere? The person who arrived with two children. You're a college student and you need your room for studying.
    via HellenMiller_2007
  • 16
    StAlvis 4h ago NTA My parents think it would be better for them to have their own room They should be telling the failed parent that. move to the couch or "make do" by squeezing into their office space. So she has options!
    via HellenMiller_2007
  • 17
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    via Toa Heftiba

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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family dynamics teens family drama aita AITAH infant kids brother sibling rivalry teenagers siblings moms family feud parenting family reddit thread parent raising kids Parenting Fail parents children
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