35-year-old gets widowed before brother's wedding, brother-in-law refuses to reschedule after her mom asks them to postpone: 'Our wedding was planned for the 10 year anniversary of when we met'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Mar 29, 2025 9:00 AM EDT

The problem with planning something as big and cumbersome as a wedding is that it often doesn't take much in terms of unforeseen circumstances for the whole thing to be derailed. Venues or caterers can cancel, one of the wedding party can start drama, or family members can act up unexpectedly—and that is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the potential for chaos.

As a bride or groom, engaging in crisis management when you are stressed enough by all the planning running smoothly is the last thing that you want. It is your big day, and it's most likely that you want the final say. However, it doesn't always pan out that way, and depending on the issues that a wedding is up against, often multiple viewpoints have to be taken into account. While the ceremony may be the celebration of two people, the event takes many more. 

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    Cheezburger Image 10487239936
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • This is something that one husband-to-be was trying to take into consideration after some tragic circumstances befell his sister-in-law. Not long before he and his fiancé were to marry, she became widowed.

    Understandably, she was devastated by the situation and felt unable to attend the event. Her mom tried to push her son to postpone the wedding, but his partner pushed back because they had specifically scheduled it on the decade anniversary of when they met. He wasn't sure if he was being too selfish, and sought an alternative point of view.

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    Cheezburger Image 10487240448
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)
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    AITAH for not rescheduling my wedding after my sister-in-law was widowed?

    I (34M) am supposed to get married next month. Now I'm not sure it's going to happen. My partner's sister (35F) was widowed last month. I've gotten a front row seat of how it has rocked my soon to be in-laws. Everyone has really tried going above and beyond for his sister, making sure she's as comfortable as possible. And I truly can't imagine, you know? You'd probably have to institutionalize me if something happened to my boy.
    via Remarkable-Rust-230
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    My partner's mom came to him a few days ago and asked if he would consider postponing the wedding. She said they would cover all the lost money, would help us re-plan, etc. Apparently his sister has said there's no way she can attend the wedding, and his mom knew how important it was to him to have her there, so she just wanted to offer an alternative plan. I'm not very sentimental, but my partner is. Our wedding was planned for the 10 year anniversary of when we met. That's something that meant
    via Remarkable-Rust-230
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    I'm trying to be sympathetic, but I'm just raging. I can't help it. My emotions aren't allowing me to be objective. I know his mom came to him in good faith, but it makes me so angry to think about this being put on his shoulders a month before our wedding. He was so excited. And now I'm worried that if we don't reschedule, he's just going to be in his head the whole time, feeling guilty and unable to fully enjoy himself. I know his sister is hurting. I'm trying my absolute hardest not to the fa
    via Remarkable-Rust-230
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    Outsiders were willing to give plenty of advice.

    Proud-Geek1019 Major question. What does your partner want? If he wants to postpone - do it. If he wants to elope on the day and have a wedding or reception for family later. Do it. If he wants to proceed. Do it. Doesn't seem like you care either way, so it shouldn't be just your decision.
    via Proud-Geek1019
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    Jennacheryl Good point. Y'all can elope and reschedule the wedding for everyone else. Y'all can invite family if you want and of course anyone important to you friend wise. Then have the bigger event later on.
    via Jennacheryl
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    Dirt Munkey This is exactly what my wife and I did. We wanted a specific date as our anniversary, but it wasn't a good season for either of our families to attend as they're all long distances from us. We each had a close friend as a witness, and eloped. Later we had a reception with both families and plenty of friends. Best of both worlds imo. Sorry you're going through all of this OP, best of luck!
    via Dirt_Munkey
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    grejam This needs to be voted higher. It matters what the actual partner wants to do when it's his family. I'd be more concerned if the wedding was scheduled for some anniversary of the poor widow like when their anniversary or the guy's birthday or something.
    via grejam
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    Apart_Insect_8859 And also: have your fiance actually talk to his sister. It may be that mom is being a little too overprotective, or misunderstood. And maybe sis might come around and attend if they talk about it, or maybe your fiance might decide he's now ok to go ahead with her not there if she confirms she is 100% ok and wants to stay home.
    via Apart_Insect_8859
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    Busy-Drop123 Please consider there aren't just your costs- there's also the cost for each guest to travel, time taken off of work, hotels/flights/cars- depending on the size of your wedding, the cost to change dates could be significant for each of your guests as well.
    via Busy-Drop123
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    fromhelley How many guests would be traveling and took time off work to do so? That has to be considered. These folks are not getting paid back! I honestly think shouldn't stop completely when someone passes. But the deceased' family and close friends need to mourn. You shouldn't, and neither should your partners. But this is about partners sister. She will be mourning a long time. I would remind my partner about the guests that will have a hard time rescheduling, but ultimately let my partner m
    via fromhelley
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    kathryn_sedai I think NAH at this point. The sister hasn't asked you to cancel, just that her own emotional state won't allow her to attend (or she would attend but be a black cloud). Her mother is trying to find ways to please everybody, and you're also very much not in the wrong to find this an unreasonable ask. The issue here for me is how long? Like, if you do postpone, despite the sister not asking you to, rebook for say six months down the line, there's no guarantee that the sister will be
    via kathryn_sedai
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    I think talk to the sister directly, because it seems like the communication is from the mother. State calmly what her mother has asked, and how she feels about it, and how you're not sure what to do. It's possible that she could still do a video call with her brother on the day but is not up to an entire ceremony and reception, or maybe she could even attend one and not the other. Talk to her.
    via kathryn_sedai
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    Ok-Passenger-1960 No one asked you. It's also your wedding. That's really important. The sister might be mortified to find out the wedding is being fiddled with on her behalf without her consent. If you say no, and proceed and everyone is kind an understanding about it, then you know the request was made innocently. If you say no and they blow up. They were mad you didn't do what they wanted. It's not a great idea to make major shifts or decision in grief. It might turn out that everyone includi
    via Ok-Passenger-1960
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    Cinemaphreak If it is still very important to him to be married on that date, you could always have a small civil ceremony and then later have a big renewal of vows ceremony when the SIL has had time to recover.
    via Cinemaphreak
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    Erarainglow NTA. This is a really tough situation, but they're asking way too much. Your partner's sister's grief is understandable, but that doesn't give them the right to derail your wedding plans at the last minute. You've planned this for 10 years, it's a huge milestone, and they knew the date. A month before the wedding is just cruel to ask this. Your partner's mom is trying to be helpful, but she's putting her son in an impossible position. He'll feel guilty either way. Maybe suggest a com
    via Erarainglow
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    SoftwareMaintenance Practically speaking, it might be a helluva long time before SIL will be ready to attend the wedding. Maybe it could be a year from now. It could also be years or even never. For the sister's sake, it does not seem prudent to postpone the wedding for her. I do wonder about the rest of the family though. Is MIL and FIL ready to attend a wedding in a month? That seems really soon. And what about SIL's in laws? They probably are not ready if they are invited either. Heck. Even o
    via SoftwareMaitenance
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    No_Contribution_1327 This sounds like something you should discuss with your partner not random people on the internet. Until you do you don't actually know how he feels. Whatever you decide together is the right decision for you as a couple. Just understand that there may be consequences with familial relationships depending on the choice you make.
    via No_Contribution_1327
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    Kyliexo1 Nah... I'm a wedding planner, I'll try and give you my best advice; 1: Regardless of anything else get legally married on the date you planned. For one the date significance is awesome but also you have assumingely been planning this for a while- and you've been together quite some time, don't let this delay the two of you actually starting your life together in the eyes of the law. Here's how I would continue; -Check in with yourself. Be real and raw. How willing if at all are you to p
    via Kyliexo1
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    -Once you know where you're at, check in with your partner. See where he is at and where he falls. Then together decide if you are open to postponing or not in the event SIL (or whoever else directly involved) says she'll be unable to attend due to this loss. Once you decide together if you're willing to or not, remain firm on it. -Lastly (for now) have your partner have a conversation with his sister. See where she is at. This may just be MIL saying what she thinks is best. If SIL still plans t
    via Kyliexo1
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    -are there many out of town guests? At this point they likely will have some or all of their travel costs lost. They likely wouldn't be willing/ able to attend another wedding after eating the first cost. -if this were your family, how would you want to handle it? -is there a possibility MIL or others wouldn't attend if you refuse to postpone? Does that change anything? I'm so sorry you're going through this. Hoping you are able to get things sorted in a way that feels honorary to your in laws a
    via Kyliexo1
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    bunnybunny690 Removing emotion how easy would it be to rearrange anyway. I'm thinking family Travelling in? Older relatives who also might not make it to a future wedding? If the date is very important it's important to him and always will be it's very unfortunate timing for this tragedy to of stuck. Also widowed last month so February wedding next month so April. How long is everyone expected to not hold a wedding the sister might be invited too. Her grief is going to be big for a long time. Ar
    via bunnybunny690
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    ExaminationOk7511 Sister is devastated, who wouldn't be. Honestly, until you loose your partner, you have no idea what it is like. I lost my husband four years ago to a sudden heart attack. He collapsed in our backyard, and they were unable to revive him. Now, every day going in and out of my house I see the spot in the yard, constantly being reminded of that's where he di d. No one, even the sister will know when she will be able to attend a joyous occasion such as a wedding. It may take her si
    via ExaminationOk7511

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