Woman discovers staff’s sassy and demanding behavior toward colleague while covering for her: ‘I wouldn't even call it a request. The tone of these emails are condescending and bossy’

Author image for Etai Eshet
Etai Eshet • Editor
Apr 1, 2025 7:00 AM EDT

Stepping into someone else's role at work is like trying on a pair of shoes that fit awkwardly but give you a fascinating insight into the wearer's life. You get to experience all the joys and frustrations they face daily, but with the added bonus of not being conditioned to tolerate it. 

And it can be particularly eye opening when you uncover the secret dynamics at play in your office, the hidden hierarchies, the unsaid rules, and the peculiar way people communicate with each other.

It's pretty surprising that for some people, basic human decency is dependent on who you are talking to and what's their role. Even the bare minimums like please and thank you can be debatable for some individuals. They're the office versions of chameleons, morphing into polite beings when addressing those they perceive as strong, only to shed those manners like a skin they've outgrown as soon as they encounter someone they feel superior to. These are the worm-like humans who derive power from belittling others, not realizing that their behavior is not strength but a display of their own insecurities.

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  • Solidarity and self-preservation can be tough in an office where sometimes, just getting the job done means putting on your best diplomatic face. But it’s probably the right thing to do. Sometimes, speaking up isn’t just about addressing the nerves some people have but about unearthing the toxicity that quietly flourishes in the shadows of our workplaces. 

  • "Covering for coworker and emails to her are mean"

    "No please, no thank you, just a totally different tone, and her workload is ENORMOUS"
    via damircudic

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • I work for a small business. There are only 3 people in the office regularly; two other women and myself. The rest of our employees work remotely or have variable
    via OrdinarySubstance491
  • schedules. My coworker is out of town for 10 days and I am covering her position while she is out. She's done the same for me in the past.
    via OrdinarySubstance491
  • Our positions are normally very separated from one another. There is very little crossover. When our staff emails me, they are typically extremely sweet and polite- always
    via OrdinarySubstance491
  • Cheezburger Image 10488141824
    via Kateryna Onyshchuk

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • acting like they are inconveniencing me just by asking me to do my job. I get a lot of "Hey girlie" and "Would you, please do XYZ."
    via OrdinarySubstance491
  • This week, I'm receiving emails for requests for things she does. Actually, I wouldn't even call it a request. The tone of these emails are ride, condescending, and bossy. No please, no thank you, just
    via OrdinarySubstance491
  • a totally different tone. At first, I was like, oh...it's because I don't know her position very well. But ALL of them from multiple people are like that. Now I'm thinking....this is just how they talk to her. What
    via OrdinarySubstance491
  • the h?? And her workload is ENORMOUS. Like, she needs an assistant. I created 10 packages for them yesterday and when I got home, I was STINKY from sweating and working my bot off all day.
    via OrdinarySubstance491
  • Cheezburger Image 10488142080
    via fizkes

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Am I tripping or should I say something? Do I say something to her or to them? Also, I'm 42 and she's 27. I wonder if the lack of respect is because of her age or something?
    via OrdinarySubstance491
  • VFTM Definitely mentor her! I'm about your age and when I was her age I was easily doing the work of five people, for little pay and no respect.
    via VFTM
  • grumpynetgeekintexas I love this answer, she needs someone like OP more involved in her career; she's lacking confidence and just needs guidance. I'm over 50 now and it took time for me to find my footing professionally, it took a good manager when I was in my late twenties to set me on the right path.
    via grumpynetgeekintexas
  • Heda97 I wish I had this in my first job! I had 0 clues how things are supposed to be done and a manager who insisted on a "baptism by fire"
    via Heda97
  • PrestigiousCrab6345 Definitely. Talk to her and have her first. I would seriously consider sharing what you learned with HR.
    via PrestigiousCrab6345
  • melOdyssey If I was her I would want an older more experienced woman looking out for me and fighting my corner (it's always been the opposite sadly). Maybe discuss with the manager?
    via melOdyssey
  • Judge Joan I would mention it to her supervisor. Show examples. No way could I let that continue without stepping in. I can only imagine how she feels at the end of everyday.
    via JudgeJoan
  • PurpleMuskogee Are you seeing these requests now through a shared inbox?
    via PurpleMuskogee
  • I'd definitely mention it to the manager - whether that younger colleague minds or not is irrelevant. They might talk to her like this and "she doesn't mind", but they might also talk to people who do mind. It's unprofessional anyway.
    via PurpleMuskogee
  • If you are the manager or are in a position of authority and can address it yourself, I'd send an all staff email so no one feels directly targeted, and send a "gentle reminder" of "business etiquette" and how important it is "even
    via PurpleMuskogee
  • amongst colleagues", put a blurb about your "shared values" if your company has them (you know, like collaboration or team-work etc) and say you have
    via PurpleMuskogee
  • recently noticed emails that you were "concerned" by. They should get the message, and if they don't, address it individually.
    via PurpleMuskogee
  • catjuggler Look at her sent mail and see if she's sending them the same way (assuming you have access for this?). They might just be mirroring her tone.
    via catjuggler

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management boss workplace-stories hr toxic-workplace manager bosses work PTO managers supervisor workplace Horrible Bosses work-life balance
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