Employee declines to donate to coworker's fundraiser for their dog, the rest of the office ices them out: 'Someone put up a donation tally in the break room, listing how much everyone contributed. My name was the only one missing'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Apr 2, 2025 10:00 AM EDT

Asking for money is an incredibly awkward ordeal. Odds are, if you're asking for money, you'd rather not be. People usually only ask for donations and handouts if they really need them- they see no way forward with how things are going now, and they have no other choice but to turn to others. It's not like asking someone for a handout is the easiest thing in the world. It demands an ego check and puts others in a position of power over you. 

This doesn't mean that everyone is obligated to oblige and give you money. Donations are voluntary by definition. You hope they're moved by your story, know that you would do the same for them and that they know you'll use the money wisely. Beyond that, you have no control over who hears your message and who doesn't. One woman chose to get petty over her donation situation, though, and her coworker paid the price. 

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  • 01
    STAT JF1823 MO G F6
    via Unsplash+ (Karolina Grabowska)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • When one woman ran into an unfortunate situation with her dog, she turned to her office mates for help. While some happily contributed, one prudent worker decided it didn't fit in their budget, understandably so. They didn't expect, though, that this decision would have ramifications on their office reputation. Read on for the story and see what you think.

  • 02

    AITAH for not donating to a coworker's fundraiser?

    So, this has been weighing on me because now work feels weird, and I don't know if I handled it wrong. One of my coworkers, Sarah, is raising money for her dog's surgery. I totally get it—she's devastated, and I feel for her. She set up a GoFundMe and has been going around the office asking people to donate.
    via u/VillageOptimal8143
  • 03
    Here's where the problem started: I didn't donate. Not because I don't care, but because I literally can't afford to. I've had some unexpected medical bills and car repairs, and I'm barely keeping up with rent. I also have my own pet who needs regular care, so I can't justify spending money I don't have, even for a good cause.
    via u/VillageOptimal8143
  • 04
    Sarah never asked me directly, but other coworkers did. When I said I couldn't right now, they just went, "Oh... okay," but the vibe shifted. Then, a couple of days later, I heard Sarah venting to another coworker in the break room, saying, "It's just disappointing when some people act like they care but can't even chip in ten bucks. I guess their morning lattes are more important."
    via u/VillageOptimal8143
  • 05
    And yeah... I buy coffee most mornings. Because it's, you know, part of my budget. But now I feel like I'm being judged for not skipping a coffee to donate.
    via u/VillageOptimal8143
  • 06
    It got worse. Someone put up a donation tally in the break room, listing how much everyone contributed. My name was the only one missing. Another coworker joked, "Oof, harsh," when they saw it, and now I feel super awkward every time I walk into the kitchen.
    via u/VillageOptimal8143
  • 07
    I thought about donating something just to make the tension go away, but honestly, the pettiness is making me not want to. Still, I don't want to be the office villain over this. So, AITAH for not donating? Or should I have just thrown in a few dollars to avoid the drama?
    via u/VillageOptimal8143
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    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 09

    Commenters took their side in this coworker debacle.

    Nester1953 11h ago • Trying to hit up one's co- workers for money (even for a worthy cause), and then guilt- tripping them, and then venting about them, and then trying to shame them publicly, is way over the line. Does your business not have supervisors, or HR, or some sort of code of professional conduct?
    via u/Nester1953
  • 10
    Sarah is the A here. You owe her nothing, including an explanation. NTA
    via u/Nester1953
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    runrunpuppets • 10h ago NTA You should start a GoFundMe for your rent and put that up on the board next to her funding totals.
    via u/runrunpuppets
  • 12
    • k23_k23 10h ago NTA There is NO reason for you to donate. "I guess their morning lattes are more important."" .. they ARE more important, and that is ok.
    via u/k23_k23
  • 13
    wilcofam. 8h ago NTA. This is wildly inappropriate. I would be tempted to loudly confront coworker and tell her you shouldn't have to share your private financial information to justify not being able to help her with HER responsibilities. You have your own financial
    via u/wilcofam
  • 14
    challenges that are no one's business and her gossiping. about you is toxic and unprofessional. Put her in her place. They are already talking about you so you may as well go all in.
    via u/wilcofam
  • 15
    OkeyDokey654 · 10h ago . NTA. This kind of harassment is really inappropriate.
    via u/OkeyDokey654
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    Sweet-Flamingo69 8h ago I hate gofundme. I'm not donating, I'm not "reposting" I'm not acknowledging them. Im not explaining my personal business, I'm not playing office politics. I'm not engaging in poor behavior.
    via u/Sweet-Flamingo69
  • 17
    I would have a "chat" with your coworker and let her know she is a buy and you don't appreciate it. At the end of the day, take down the board and put it in the trash, go home and enjoy your night. Stop in on your way to work and buy your coffee and enjoy it!
    via u/Sweet-Flamingo69
  • 18
    . Skylar750 6h ago Since you don't have HR, shift the narrative of the situation, start venting to other coworkers about how bad you are struggling, how you can barely pay rent because of the medical bill, how your morning coffee is the only extra expense you can afford and how happy it makes
    via u/Skylar750
  • 19
    you to have that coffee, how you are feeling a little depr sed and that how the shame you are getting for not being able to donate to Sara's dog is making you feel worse, how you feel like the villan for wanting to have the only things that makes you day better (the coffee), how you can't enter the kitchen anymore because of the shame and guilt,etc.
    via u/Skylar750
  • 20
    If it works you will stop being the villan that wouldn't donate to sara dog surgery but a poor coworkers that is struggling financially that has been unjustifiable bu ied.
    via u/Skylar750
  • 21
    engie945 10h ago . NTA.. I'd pop to HR with that. Pretty sure it's breaking several codes of conduct, harrasment and bu ying are the first two, certainly I am not allowed to fund raise or raise sponsorship through my work either.
    via u/engie945
  • 22
    III_Seat 1426 · 10h ago . NTA and that s ks and is so unprofessional and she's acting so entitled. You could be petty and say you'll contribute if she contributes to your bills. I know this sound extreme, give her a print out of your budget. Of course. don't include the actual amount of your paycheck, that's none of her business. Good luck, it s ks that she's making work such a toxic work environment.
    via u/III_Seat_1426
  • 23
    Pascal... . 7h ago . Edited 7h ago NTA - sorry, but this is wrong and, I know I'm going to sound like "that person", you need to go to HR over this. NO ONE should feel pressured to donate to anything at work.
    via u/Pascale73
  • 24
    We had a similar situation at my office years back. There was a very bold woman who was constantly asking for money for her "church" (I'm still not even sure if it was a legit church) and it got to the point that she and her cronies were starting to harass people about it.
    via u/Pascale73
  • 25
    Well word of this got to the owner of the company and he shut that sh down SO FAST. Literally, the next DAY, a notice went up saying that ANY in- office fundraising on office time or using office resources (email, phone, copy machine) was a fireable offense.
    via u/Pascale73
  • 26
    You could hear the "huzzah" as the message went out. Now, I do feel it penalized some people who were doing more legitmate things like selling girl scout cookies or butter braids for their school, but the line needed to be drawn and it was far better to put a stop to ALL of it then be faced with accusations of discrimination or picking and choosing which charities could be solicited.
    via u/Pascale73
  • 27
    Further, the memo stated that the company would be happy to support its workers' favorite charities if the charities met certain criteria which were pretty much being non- religiously affiliated and a registered IRS 501(c)3 charity with an EIN. That eliminated nearly all of the "sus"
    via u/Pascale73
  • 28
    fundraising that went on - the churchy stuff, the "mission trips" the candy bar sales for God knows what. You could apply directly to HR for a monetary donation from the company (and I actually got $500 from them toward a new playground at my sons' school - AWESOME!).
    via u/Pascale73
  • 29
    I honestly think all companies should adopt this. NO ONE wants to be pressured to donate to anything at work. Some people simply don't have the room in their budget, some people allot their dollars to other causes important to them and some just don't want to. They are ALL valid reasons.
    via u/Pascale73
  • 30
    Professor Yaffle1 • 9h ago NTA, and Sarah and your other coworkers s k. I see you are in small business so it sounds as though speaking to your supervisor isn't an option, other wise tht would be thething to do. As it is, I'd suggest that you drop a few comments about how difificult things are finacially, havng to ocover mediavcal bills for yourself and our pet.
    via u/ProfessorYaffle1
  • 31
    Also, consider asking Sarah how her do is and saying you can sympathise ad you are still sruggling to pay for your own and your pets medical expenses, so you can sympathise een though you cant help.
    via u/ProfessorYaffle1
  • 32
    I have to say, however, that that would purely be to help you feel a bit less awkward and to flag up for your inappropriate cooworkers that you have significnat clalls on your own money, not becuase you oweSarah an explanation. You are under no obligation to contribute and that would be true even if you were rolling in cash and could afford to pay for the whole surgery without noticing! NO ONE has any right to your money
    via u/ProfessorYaffle1

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