Woman tricked into a SAHM role after her MIL conspires with her husband, brainwashing him into forgetting their pre-baby agreements to maintain both careers and get a nanny: 'Now my husband refuses to lift a finger because he's the ‘provider’

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Jesse Kessenheimer • Writer and Editor
Apr 5, 2025 4:00 PM EDT

When you're incredibly wealthy, you have options with childcare. But this career woman was forced into a stay-at-home mom role despite her and her husband's agreement pre-baby—all because a conspiring mother-in-law didn't agree with their progressive choice. 

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  • Being rich means that you have a lot of avenues to explore in the world of parenting. Unencumbered by financial constraints and liberated by copious amounts of moolah in your coffers, if you want to hire a full-time nanny so that you can maintain your career, while also being a parent, go for it! There are many different ways to be a good parent, so if pursuing your passions in your career allows you to be a more present parent, that's the best course of action. However, when this husband and wife duo contemplated starting a family, they both agreed that they couldn't stay behind to care for the baby all day. Career-minded and set on keeping their work life afloat, this power couple shook hands and agreed to get a nanny once the baby was born—provided the mom paid 20% of their home's downpayment and the dad covered monthly baby expenses. 

    Seemed like a fair deal—until it wasn't upheld. 

  • Cheezburger Image 10488827136
    via vadimguzhva

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • "AITAH husband and MIL bullying me into being SAHM but I paid for our house"

    My husband is rich. Like, makes $50,000 a month rich. We agreed on three things before our baby was born.
    via No_Departure_9224
  • 1. If I covered the 20% downpayment on our house he'd cover the monthly expenses including childcare.
    via No_Departure_9224
  • 2. If I leave my (high paying) job after my mat leave was up my husband would support me focusing on building my consulting business which would give me more flexibility with our baby.
    via No_Departure_9224
  • 3. We'd get a full time nanny so we could both work (and while WFH get to see the baby) and outside nanny hours we'd split childcare 50/50.
    via No_Departure_9224
  • The issue came up when now my husband refuses to lift a finger because he's the "provider". He won't do any overnights even though baby takes bottles. I am exhausted and burnt out and feel
    via No_Departure_9224
  • like I got bait and switched. I tried to talk to him and he blew up at me calling me a princess and lazy. I guess he ran to his mom
    via No_Departure_9224
  • because I got a message the next morning saying I am putting the family in financial crisis if I don't be a SAHM for at least the next couple months. AITAH to telling them no I will not be forced into being a SAHM?
    via No_Departure_9224
  • FIRE_flying NTA. You need to look after yourself and your child. Your husband is trying to control you. Please be careful in how you handle your situation. Can you reach out to your family for help, and to get some sleep?
    via FIRE_flying
  • cthulularoo Time to look for an exit. If he's throwing the "I'm the provider" line around now, you're not going to enjoy being dependent on him for money. If you have to move back to your family to get support do that. NTA.
    via cthulularoo
  • StrangledInMoonlight If he makes $50k a month and you working puts "the family in financial crisis" there's a giant line of Bull sh.
    via StrangledInMoonlight
  • Is it mom or husband lying? Maybe he lost money gambling or doesn't make that much money, or maybe he lied to mom or she's lying to you.
    via StrangledInMoonlight
  • ivorykeys87 Leave his a , go get your high paying job back, and absolutely take him to the cleaners on alimony and child support.
    via ivorykeys87
  • Nowelo NTA Statistics say that most - marriages do not last. Giving up your career to stay at home puts you at significant risk if things fall apart down the road.
    via Nowelo
  • Jolly-Bandicoot7162 Do not give up your job. He will control you financially if you do. How on earth would NOT being a SAHM cause financial hardship? Especially when he earns so
    via Jolly-Bandicoot7162
  • much? For most, it's more likely having a SAHP would cause financial issues. NTA. I'd be making sure I had the means to leave if I needed to.
    via Jolly-Bandicoot7162
  • Kind_Management_7... I'll never understand men that impregnate their WIVES and then absolutely refuse to take care of their child. What a pathetic excuse for a man. All he does is provide money. Hope you realize that soon and leave!
    via Kind_Management_7
  • Maleficent_Count6205 I would ask "how is me working and bringing in an income going to put my family in financial stress?" Because that sounds like a bunch of garbage to scare you into listening.
    via Maleficent_Count6205
  • Careless_Welder_40... Why can't he hire a nighttime nanny? He wants to control you.
    via Careless_Welder_40
  • GellyG42 NTA You had an agreement he isn't sticking to it. Sounds like your husband and MIL are banding together to control things and ensure you stay home (and possibly this was the plan all along)
    via GellyG42
  • Becoming a SAHM and being reliant on him is risky if they continue with this behaviour
    via GellyG42
  • HoshiJones Your husband is showing you exactly how little he respects you, and from what you've said here, how little he actually loves you. NTA, but is this what you want?
    via HoshiJones
  • taphin33. Don't quit your job, tell him he has to do overnights. Or, he can easily afford a night nanny for you to get a full night's sleep. Why won't he provide that for the mother of his child if he's such a "provider"?
    via taphin33
  • If he won't do either my honest advice is get diovrced because this is a massive ab e red flag. The audacity is crazy for his mother to do that.
    via taphin33

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stay at home mom family drama dads sahm baby famiies drama kids brother siblings wife moms parenting husband dad story family sibling sister stories parent mom cousins parents
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