Entitled brother buys mother an expensive birthday gift without consulting siblings, expects them to cough up nearly $200 but one sibling refuses: ‘This isn’t my problem’

Author image for Lana DeGaetano
Lana DeGaetano • "Show me to me please."
Apr 5, 2025 9:00 AM EDT

Gift-giving is one of the most nerve-wracking experiences anyone can go through, at least in their day-to-day lives. You always wonder if you're going way over the top or too low below the bar. It's a never-ending battle, surely, because even when your special someone opens their gift, they're probably not going to tell you they hate it even if they secretly do. Maybe that's for the best. At the end of the day, the only thing we can do is get to know a person enough to understand what they like and hope that that is enough.

If you're sharing a gift and contributing some money, say, with your siblings for your mom's birthday gift, you better consult with the siblings and ensure everyone's on the same page about prices and things of that nature. If you don't communicate, you might end up like the sibling in this story who's expected to cough up nearly $200 for their mother's birthday gift. Scroll to read.

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  • It's one thing if the siblings' gift for their mother was something agreed upon—but it wasn't. The specific sibling who posted this story explains that their brother went out of the way to buy an expensive gift, then expect nearly $200 (which is nearly four times their usual $50 contributions) from siblings who were kept in the dark. It's not about price, it's about principle. It appears the brother who expects his siblings to hand over $200 no questions asked doesn't understand proper etiquette. If he has it like that, he can pay for the poster's share, too. Mr. Big Bucks!

  • Cheezburger Image 10489370624
    via Karolina Grabowska For Unsplash+

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • "AITA for refusing to chip in for an expensive gift I wasn’t consulted on?"

    My family has a tradition of pooling money for birthday gifts. We usually keep it reasonable...around $50 per person. It's always been a casual arrangement, and we discuss it before anyone buys something.
    via Lost_Suspect_2279
  • This year, my brother (let's call him Jake) decided to order a gift for our mom without asking anyone. When he sent the message telling us how much we each owed, I was shocked-it was
    via Lost_Suspect_2279
  • almost four times what we normally contribute. I don't even think she'll use the gift, since she already has similar things collecting dust and he also spent
    via Lost_Suspect_2279
  • about double than what I would've found this gift for. It's so expensive buying it used would've also been a smarter option and in this case wouldn't have made a difference.
    via Lost_Suspect_2279
  • I told Jake that this was way out of budget for me and that I'd rather do my own gift. Now, I'm getting guilt-tripped with things like "Well, we already bought it" and "We don't have the money to
    via Lost_Suspect_2279
  • cover your share". He even called me, assuming I just couldn't afford it, and asked if I could contribute whatever I can. But I find it weird to act like I paid the
    via Lost_Suspect_2279
  • same as everyone else when I didn't. To that he said it's better than the others having to increase their share much more because of me...
    via Lost_Suspect_2279
  • 10 10 101 ONE HUNDRED D ONE HUNDRE ONE HUNDRED DO שה CECO ONE HUNDRED DOL ONE HUNDRED D
    via Kateryna Hliznitsova For Unsplash+
  • Important context: In the past, Jake has given my mom expensive gifts, and I suspect she might have just told him, "Buy me this," assuming he'd cover it himself. He used to have extra money, but he doesn't anymore. So now, after already buying it, he's expecting us to split it.
    via Lost_Suspect_2279
  • I feel like this isn't my problem, but am I the a hle for opting out and doing my own gift instead?
    via Lost_Suspect_2279
  • Limelnternational856 NTA your brother is the AH for trying to spend your money without asking you. Buy your mom a separate gift.
    via LimeInternational856
  • its_cutiee_wendyy NTA. Group gifts only work when everyone agrees beforehand. Jake made a financial decision for you without consulting you, and now he's trying to guilt you into covering his mistake. It's not your responsibility to fix his poor planning. Stick to your budget and get your mom something thoughtful on your own.
    via its_cutiee_wendyy
  • FluffyGremlin1 Honestly, if Jake wanted to throw down big bucks for Mom's birthday, he should've consulted the board first! Sounds like he just landed on Boardwalk and expects everyone else to mortgage their properties. Sorry, Jake, but I'm not ready to sell my soul for a dusty gift!
    via FluffyGremlin1
  • Wisper_Panda NTA: he didn't ask, when there has been a long standing agreement for gift pools. Jake has no right to assume anybody else's financial situations, let alone guilt trip them into contributing something they don't even have. Buy your own gift, it's not your problem.
    via Wisper_Panda
  • sunsetwaves51 Sounds like Jake is trying to turn family gift-giving into a high- stakes game show! 'Who Wants to Be Broke for Mom?' Not me!
    via sunsetwaves51
  • Crazybeest I bought my mother an extremely expensive gift for her birthday that I knew none of my siblings could afford. I wanted the gift to be from all her kids so I told them to contribute whatever they wanted. That way I could honestly tell my mom we all paid towards it. But never expected them to pay equally.
    via Crazybeest
  • Nolonger nalpha "WE" didn't buy sh. "YOU" overspent and I'm not obligated to fix that for you.
    via Nolonger*nalpha
  • IntelligentLychee223 Not your problem. Jake made a unilateral decision, now he gets to unilaterally deal with the consequences. If he can't afford it, maybe he should've checked before dropping the cash. You're not an ATM.
    via IntelligentLychee223
  • Ok_Stable7501 NTA. Get your mom something super sentimental that will make her cry and she won't even care about Jake's gift. I got my mom glasses with a map of her hometown. My brother got her an iPhone. Guess which she pulls out and brags about whenever she has company?
    via Ok_Stable7501

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family dynamics family drama aita entitlement AITAH brother birthday reddit story family feud entitled people karma happy birthday entitled family reddit thread Reddit brothers entitled people
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