Ex-wife chastises father for not comforting 15-year-old daughter more after she stole her 16-year-old stepsister's heirloom necklace: 'Any more comforting would be coddling, and she needs to learn from this'

The fact that you shouldn't take something that isn't yours without asking isn't okay is one of the simplest lessons you learn in your life, and, really, it's best that this lesson is learned as early as possible. Now, that doesn't mean that we won't grow up and make mistakes or cave into that devil on our shoulder every now and again and help ourselves to something we know we really shouldn't, but in those times we'll at least know we've done something wrong and hopefully the act itself won't be so severe. There is, of course, a gradient of severity involved here; "borrowing" someone's pen with or without asking because you forgot yours and then never giving it back is not the same thing as "borrowing" someone's car. 

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Author image for Brad Dickson Brad Dickson
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  • 01

    "AITA for not comforting my daughter after she lost her step-sister's necklace?"

    I married my wife five years ago. I have two daughters from my first marriage, Rose (15) and Nicole (13), while my wife has Becca (16). Becca's father is absent, so her grandfather played a big role in her life until he passed away a year before I met my wife. It was very hard on Becca, and though she's doing better, she still carries that loss. I've stepped up as a father figure, and we're very close.
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  • While taking anything without asking is bad, the value makes it worse, and keepsakes and other things that have a priceless sentimental value to the owner are by far the worst things to take. No insurance or payout is ever going to cover the cost of what was lost with an irreplaceable heirloom.

    So, when this teen took an interest in her step-sister's necklace she gave into her magpie tendencies and decided to “borrow" it because she thought it was nice and wanted to wear it. When the necklace was spotted as missing by its owner the teen's story was that she had misplaced it somewhere, which presented as a red flag to readers.

    Readers supposed that she might have been jealous of the item and the importance that it held to her stepsister— signifying an unbreakable bond with a deceased relative. They thought she might have had more malicious intentions for the necklace but had second thoughts.

  • 02

    "Rose was crying, looking to me, but I just told her to keep looking and hope we found it."

    Cheezburger Image 10489846528
    via Kateryna Hliznitsova

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 03
    Becca has a necklace with her grandfather's wedding ring on it, gifted to her by my wife when she was 13. She wears it only on special occasions or when she wants to feel close to him. Rose and Nicole know its significance. Rose once asked to borrow it because she found the ring beautiful, but Becca refused, and Rose seemed to respect that.
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  • 04
    Last week, after Rose and Nicole returned to their mom's, Becca noticed her necklace was missing. She was frantic, insisting she hadn't taken it out since a dance a month ago but had seen it in her jewelry box since then. While searching, Nicole called, overheard the situation, and passed the phone to Rose. Rose hesitated but eventually admitted she had borrowed it for an upcoming date. I told her she needed to return it immediately and that we'd discuss how wrong it was to steal it. Becca calme
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  • 05
    I went to my ex's house, where Rose, looking embarrassed, said she couldn't find it. We searched everywhere-her room, bag, my car, and her mom's house. I even brought her back to retrace her steps. When Becca saw her, she exploded in anger, calling Rose a brat and saying she'd never forgive her if it wasn't found. Rose was crying, looking to me, but I just told her to keep looking and hope we found it.
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  • 06
    Eventually, Rose thought to check under her mom's car―it was there, thankfully undamaged. I grabbed it and told her she was lucky. I grounded her, and while she kept apologizing, I told her I appreciate that and know she feels bad but it wasn't okay. She later called Becca to apologize again, but Becca said she'd never trust her again. We got Becca a locking jewelry box and a door lock at her request.
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  • 07
    My ex thinks we're being too hard on Rose and that we should have comforted her. She says Rose is just a teen who made a mistake. I disagreed, saying this wasn't a simple mistake-she knew the necklace's importance, was told not to take it, and nearly lost it. If it had been run over, it would've been gone forever. I told Rose I love her, but any more comforting would be coddling, and she needs to learn from this. My wife, Becca, and even Nicole agree with my approach. AITA?
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  • 08
    EDIT: Some are asking if I think Rose did this on purpose to hurt Becca. I don't think so, and Becca has confirmed she doesn't believe this either. Even before Becca was screaming at her, Rose genuinely seemed upset and remorseful for losing it. She clearly felt bad. Doesn't make it okay in the slightest, but her story adds up. She has a milestone date with her boyfriend approaching and she wanted to "look nice". Still dumb as h I for her to do this, mind you, but I do believe it was genuine tha
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  • 09
    EDIT 2: People are asking how it was under the car. It's hard to explain as I didn't take pictures at the time, but it wasn't directly under the car. The way it was found, I believe it fell from Rose's pocket (where she said she put it) and it accidentally got kicked a bit under the car. The car was parked in my ex's garage. Given there's no lights in there, it originally blended in with the ground. Rose thought to check because she was checking her mom's car again (the last place she remembered
    via Living-Clothes5582
  • 10
    I understand why some people believe she maliciously took it, but even Becca has said the outfit Rose planned on wearing on her date (the date she's no longer going on because she's grounded), complimented the necklace.
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  • 11
    OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the a hole: 1. Not comforting my daughter. 2) She is only 15 and didn't mean to lose it.
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  • 12
    Cheezburger Image 10489846784
    via ian dooley

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 13
    SkiPhD NTA After a cooling off time, you might sit down with Rose. Talk through what she did and why (is she feeling jealous of your relationship with Becca?). That is the time when you tell her that she made a huge mistake, hug her, and tell her you love her.
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  • 14
    I'd do the same with Becca. But in this conversation you need to talk about that people in our lives sometimes screw up, that you understand her anger (and that it WAS warranted), but also explain that continuing to be angry is only punishing herself.
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  • 15
    My mother used to say that fine China, once broken and mended, is stronger. While it was your job to discipline Rose, it is also your role to try to build a loving and trusting relationship between your daughters.
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  • 16
    3M-OBA NTA - Rose stole it and "lost" it on purpose. Did anyone see it under the car? Because my guess would be that she had it and was pulling mean girl sh on Becca. When the sh was hitting the fan she realized how serious this was and "found" it. I would imagine the wedding ring holds some value - Becca would have been within her rights to call the police.
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  • 17
    kipsterdude NTA. Your daughter is lucky that necklace was found, but I would never trust her again either. You don't just take people stuff without their permission, especially when permission was already denied previously. Good on you for getting the locking jewelry box and door lock.
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  • 18
    Shelter_Insane Am I the only on who thinks I it's kind of convenient that once she realized there was no other way out of this, Rose suddenly 'thought' to look under her mom's car. Girl totally either stashed it there or had it somewhere on her person and was able to 'find' the necklace under the car.
    via Living-Clothes5582
  • 19
    duke113 NTA. I think you took a very fair but firm approach. And I think you've done a good job with not allowing the fact that she's your biological daughter colour your feelings and just taking her side over your step- daughter's.
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  • 20
    Wild_Ticket1413 Definitely NTA. Taking something without permission is theft. That's. exactly what your daughter did. She stole something of value from her step-sister. You were 1000% correct in how you handled this situation. Hopefully, Rose learned her lesson and will not do this again.
    via Living-Clothes5582
  • 21
    Hidden_Vixen21 I would bet a dollar. She didn't "find" it under her mom's car. She hid it and hoped you would drop the issue so she could keep it.
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family dynamics teens family drama stepmother aita AITAH infant teenagers blended family siblings stepchild moms family feud parenting ex wife family reddit thread parent raising kids Parenting Fail parents children Father
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