“We're not willing to accept that man she calls a husband”: Stepdad alienates stepdaughters from their late father's side of the family, they go no-contact when mom issues ultimatum

Author image for Ely Bulnes
Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Apr 6, 2025 6:00 PM EDT

The "Evil Stepparent" trope is not often true in real life. Most stepparents try their best to fill the role of a parental figure while simultaneously doing all that they can to not seem like they are attempting to "replace" the bio parent. This is, of course, an incredibly thin line to walk on, and stepparents must tread carefully when they join a family that already has their own established dynamics.

In our story today, a stepdad attempts to erase all connections between his stepdaughters and their late father. He wants to be the only man and father figure in their life. His draconian household rules surrounding his family eventually backfire on him as the girls grow up and go no-contact. Unfortunately, the girls' mom is adamant about standing by her husband's side, even if it means missing out on her daughters' weddings. Scroll down to get the full story. 

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  • 01

    AITA for reminding my mom she said we couldn't have a relationship with her if we didn't accept one with her husband?

    Cheezburger Image 10490662656
    via Keira Burton from Pexels

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  • 02
    My mom has me (27m) and my sister (29f) with our late dad. He did when I was 10 and my sister was 12 and when I was 15 my mom got remarried. Her husband is "Frank" (fake name). From the very start my sister and I had issues with Frank. We have bigger and smaller issues.
    via u/Embarrassed-Nerve987
  • 03
    The two big issues are/were; 1. He insisted that nobody mention dad in his presence. Didn't matter who we were with or where we were it was not allowed. This included the times he tagged along when we went to see anyone from dad's side of the family. He would invite himself and then enforce this rule or he'd
    via u/Embarrassed-Nerve987
  • 04
    make us leave. Mom let this happen. Even on dad's anniversary or birthday we couldn't talk about him if Frank was around and that included asking mom if she wanted to come to the grave with us. Frank actually yelled at my sister during her graduation dinner because she had mentioned dad in her speech.
    via u/Embarrassed-Nerve987
  • 05
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  • 06
    2. He inserted himself deeply into the relationship with our dad's side of the family. We could visit anyone on mom's side without issue. He didn't even care if we said anything to him. But the second it was someone from dad's side and he found out we only mentioned it to mom he would
    via u/Embarrassed-Nerve987
  • 07
    scold us and insist we needed to ask his permission to see them. Then he'd tag along frequently and invite himself to see them too. This went for a lot of stuff. Mom had already stopped coming with us before she even met Frank. But he insisted on being there and if my sister or I said
    via u/Embarrassed-Nerve987
  • 08
    we didn't want him to come then he told us we couldn't go. If whoever we went to see didn't want Frank inside the house he'd say then we weren't allowed inside either. Once my sister moved out he was ped that she spent more time with dad's side and he tried to tell her what to do still. She was having none of it.
    via u/Embarrassed-Nerve987
  • 09
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  • 10
    My sister and I talked to mom about ALL our issues with Frank and we told her we didn't want a relationship with him. She always told us we needed to have one with him to have one with her. We took her at her word and my sister stopped talking to her and once I moved out so did I. We stopped going to see her or spending holidays with her (and Frank).
    via u/Embarrassed-Nerve987
  • 11
    We didn't invite her over or initiate any contact. She brought it up a few times how we were bad at maintaining the relationship and we told her we weren't. We just weren't maintaining it but she
    via u/Embarrassed-Nerve987
  • 12
    ignored us. She tried to come and see us a few times. We told her no Frank so she never came. We let her birthday pass without any acknowledgement and when she'd tell us about Frank's birthdays we'd work to forget the date.
    via u/Embarrassed-Nerve987
  • 13
    A few weeks ago I got engaged. I didn't tell my mom or ask anyone else to but the news got to her. She was upset she didn't hear it from me and upset I said no to he throwing an engagement party for us.
    via u/Embarrassed-Nerve987
  • 14
    She never even met my fiancée which was something else that upset her. She asked how she's supposed to meet her for the first time at the wedding and I told her she's not supposed to. I said she won't be invited. My mom did not expect that at all and she asked me why. I told her Frank is not
    via u/Embarrassed-Nerve987
  • 15
    welcome and she made it perfectly clear she won't come. I reminded her that she said we can't have a relationship with her if we won't have one with Frank and I told her it would be over my de d body that I have a relationship with him.
    via u/Embarrassed-Nerve987
  • 16
    My mom said we were supposed to love her enough to accept Frank and I told her I do not have to have a relationship with the man who would kick up a fuss over my dad being mentioned in his presence and who tried to control the relationship I had with
    via u/Embarrassed-Nerve987
  • 17
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  • 18
    my family. I reminded her dad is still my dad and I'd find a way to incorporate his memory into the wedding. I asked her if Frank would tolerate that or if he'd start yelling like at my sister's graduation.
    via u/Embarrassed-Nerve987
  • 19
    She told me she doesn't want to lose both her kids and she loves us. I told her we love her but we're not willing to accept that man she calls a husband.
    via u/Embarrassed-Nerve987
  • 20
    Then she told me I was being so unfair and when she said what she did we could have talked about it more. That reminding her like this wasn't right. I said this was the consequences of her actions. I told her I could live with the consequences of not accepting
    via u/Embarrassed-Nerve987
  • 21
    Frank. That I can sleep fine at night knowing our relationship is what it is. And it isn't my problem if she can't do the same. Now she's upset and angry and apparently I'm the bad guy in her eyes. AITA?
    via u/Embarrassed-Nerve987

  • This man is absolutely obsessed with control. The only way to deal with these types of people is to cut them off, unfortunately. It's such a shame that their mother cannot see the damage that he has caused to their family.

  • 22
    clotterycumpy Your mom made her choice. Now she's facing the consequences. Stay firm.
    via u/clotterycumpy
  • 23
    GabrielleArcha It really baffles me how OP's mother never protected her children (edited & sorry) but is upset when her children have no loyalty towards her.
    via u/GabrielleArcha
  • 24
    happytailsresort1 Actions have consequences - Your mom prioritized her husband over her kids for years. Now that you and your sister have moved on, she's facing the result of her own choices. That's not on you.
    via u/happytailsresort1
  • 25
    Disastrous-Bee-1557 Some people are just so afraid of being alone that they'll throw anyone under the bus in the name of keeping their new partner happy. It's pathetic.
    via u/Disastrous-Bee-1557
  • 26
    NoAssumptions731 This. She lost them when she uttered that sentence. Her eyes are finally opening to what the ah le did to her family
    via u/NoAssumptions731
  • 27
    Aggressive_Cup8452 And somehow in her mind she still made herself the victim of (her) choices. NtA She's probably going to have another "oh Pikachu face for you when she doesn't get an invite to the wedding. ||
    via u/Aggressive_Cup8452
  • 28
    Embarrassed-Nerve987 OP Or she'll do everything she can to try and change my mind/our minds before the wedding.
    via u/Embarrassed-Nerve987
  • 29
    strange_dog_TV Well clearly not everything - cause that would mean she has to tell old Frank that he's not welcome - and you know thats not gonna happen!
    via u/strange_dog_TV
  • 30
    bobthebreederlincs I think you and your sister are doing the right thing. You've been open and honest with your mum. Shame she can't be adult about it. Stick to your guns. Well done.
    via u/bobthebreederlincs
  • 31
    Free_Fishing_5116 NTA...Proud of you for the way you are handling this, this is how it's done with firmness and - fairness...you'll be okay
    via u/Free_Fishing_5116

Tags

family drama marriage mother wife motherhood relationships parenting husband wedding love family stepdad red flag daughter
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