“I lent an ear to a coworker then got viciously reprimanded for it”: Top employee is overheard supporting a coworker venting, boss marks him “meets expectations” on yearly review despite his impeccable work ethic

Author image for Briana Viser
Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
Apr 8, 2025 12:00 PM EDT

Hey there internet goers. Work is like our second home. We spend most of our day there, we eat there, we make friends with coworkers, and it's a different side of us that our friends and family are not used to seeing. Work is really a bubble in our lives, yet dominating. Because it's so present, it's obvious that everyone will fluctuate with their given qualms about a workplace, their boss, or their coworkers. We all have that one coworker who everything hates, who just talks incessantly and loudly, to the point where everyone has to put headphones on. Or how about the entitled and critical boss who micromanages every little thing that you do? Everyone has something about work that they could complain about. 

In the story below, the protagonist is a woman who lends a listening ear to her coworker as they complain about a new policy change in the company. Though she doesn't say anything directly negative, her boss overhears her expressing empathy and it changes the way she sees her. Read the full story below for all the juicy details. 

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  • 01

    I've stopped doing the "fun" extra office stuff after I didn't like the way my boss handled something, AITAH?

    "Am I being overly petty?"
    via pixelshot / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    I guess background is important and sorry it's long:
    via u/Preference_Afraid
  • 03
    My job performance is exceptional. I meet every necessary mark 100% of the time and have done so for the last ten years. Maybe an odd month or two in there due to travel and things that would make it impossible. I've also stepped up and carried the load for
    via u/Preference_Afraid
  • 04
    coworkers when things have come up to ensure our area isn't dinged for performance issues. Clients get along well with me, I've never had a complaint filed against me, etc. You get the idea.
    via u/Preference_Afraid
  • 05
    I also am known to do all the holiday decorating, coordinating the gifts for office celebrations, baking the desserts, writing formal thank yous from our department, and making holiday baskets to help maintain positive relationships with the other agencies we work with.
    via u/Preference_Afraid
  • 06
    A couple months back, there was a policy change and none of us were happy about it. I made the best of a bad situation and adapted to the change immediately. My coworkers did as well, but they all called me to complain and vent. This is normal.
    via u/Preference_Afraid
  • 07
    We tend to complain amongst ourselves for one good b session and then just "it is what it is" and continue to work hard and not complain again.
    via u/Preference_Afraid
  • 08
    Here's where the issue is, while one of my coworkers was venting my boss was eavesdropping selectively on my side of the conversation as that's what he could hear. I was commiserating with them, but also pointing out how it wouldn't be that bad, it's in our contract, how we can make it
    via u/Preference_Afraid
  • 09
    fun/less obnoxious etc etc etc. We hung up and I didn't think about it further, especially since neither of us really said anything that you wouldn't expect an employee to say with the kind of change they're wanting. It was pretty tame....
    via u/Preference_Afraid
  • 10
    I didn't think about it again until my boss called me in a few days later to do an employee evaluation in response to it.
    via u/Preference_Afraid
  • 11
    In every review I've had here I've always hit the "exceeds expectations" in nearly every category. He cut me down to "meets expectations" on everything. He reamed me for my "attitude" for not cutting my coworker off and letting them vent. Telling me I should have told
    via u/Preference_Afraid
  • 12
    them to call him. He accused me of being negative/a negative influence and that if he didn't "nip it in the bud now it could fester and create a toxic work environment".... I was and still am pretty ped about it. Coworkers should be allowed to vent to each other without it being treated like this.
    via u/Preference_Afraid
  • 13
    Cheezburger Image 10490883328
    via Navamin studio / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 14
    After this, as you may have guessed, I'm just not in the mood to head up everything extra l'd been doing to make the office environment "fun". I keep my door closed when he's here, I didn't bring dessert for the March birthday lunch. That lunch isn't
    via u/Preference_Afraid
  • 15
    mandatory, but I didn't want more problems so I went and just sat quietly the entire time. Now there's another "appreciation week/month" for one of the departments we work with and there's been an email chain about cards/gifts and I've responded the amount I'll put towards it and asked who I should send it to....
    via u/Preference_Afraid
  • 16
    People are noticing I'm not picking this stuff up and that chain has gone in a circle for days now and I'm not budging. I've had one person approach me about it and I just said I don't have the time to take it on right now.
    via u/Preference_Afraid
  • 17
    I guess I'm feeling like all the sh I did on the regular to foster a positive work environment got thrown out or was never appreciated because I lent an ear to a coworker and then got viciously reprimanded for it. Like what's the point if ten years of going out of my way gets thrown out just like that?
    via u/Preference_Afraid
  • 18
    AITAH for just quietly stepping out of all of these extras due to my feelings on how this was handled? Am I being overly petty?
    via u/Preference_Afraid
  • 19
    canvasshoes2 NTA. The boss, as the kids called it, FAFO'd.
    via u/canvasshoes2
  • 20
    Venting is typically a positive and necessary thing, as long. as it's handled appropriately, and it sounds as if you were that appropriate "bottleneck" and sounding board. He was extremely stupid to have not allowed you to explain the situation to him.
    via u/canvasshoes2
  • 21
    Stand your ground. Just keep it light, sweet, and "My work load is preventing me from keeping up with those extra tasks" about it all.
    via u/canvasshoes2
  • 22
    MNConcerto I've stopped some of that stuff as well because it was just expected of me. Employee silent auction.
    via u/MNConcerto
  • 23
    Cheezburger Image 10490882816
    via bernardbodo from Getty Images / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 24
    I sent a team message, hey guys any ideas of what our team basket should be. Nobody replied, so I moved on. I'm just as busy as everyone else. I donated my individual items.
    via u/MNConcerto
  • 25
    Email from the organizers comes to team lead asking about our basket, team lead copies me and asks hey what's the plan. I reply nobody responded when I asked so I just let it go. She says, oh?!
    via u/MNConcerto
  • 26
    Yeah, I think she understood that I'm not going to be the only one stepping up all the time.
    via u/MNConcerto
  • 27
    Candid-Quail-9927 The fact that he took what he overheard and worked that as part of your performance evaluation is extreme and tells me there is something more to this on his side. All the extra that
    via u/Candid-Quail-9927
  • 28
    you are doing are not part of your work duties and stepping back is a choice. Simply let people know that you no longer have time to participate or lead such activities. I would watch things carefully and start
    via u/Candid-Quail-9927
  • 29
    documenting. Make sure that your silence and non participation is not used against you,
    via u/Candid-Quail-9927
  • 30
    CthulhuAlmighty. NTA. You might want to start looking for a new job. Your boss seems to be the type to have the attitude "the beatings will continue until moral improves." He may
    via u/CthulhuAlmighty
  • 31
    end up firing you to "nip it in the bud" and set the other employees straight.
    via u/CthulhuAlmighty

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