30-year-old daughter fakes pet emergency to get out of helping move 80-year-old grandma into a retirement community since she hates her grandma: 'Don't lie to your parents'

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JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Apr 8, 2025 10:00 PM EDT

Family relations are complex indeed. When you have multiple generations of a family, there are bound to be multi-generational issues. The trickle-down of trauma can go from parent to child to child to child across decades of a family. New issues arise and old ones might transform into new ones, but either way, odds are you've got at least one fraught relationship in your family. You may have learned to put away your issues and only see them on certain holidays, but it doesn't mean it doesn't still come up from time to time. 

And as you get older, sometimes you become privy to certain family stories and pieces of gossip that change your perspective on certain family members. Maybe you respect them less as you get older and see them less as heroes and more as flawed people with backstories of their own. It's part of the process of growing up.

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10491155200
    via Samuel Regan-Asante

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • That's what happened in this story when a member of the younger generation was asked to help out a member of the older generation, but one that she didn't necessarily respect. But when she canceled at the last minute, she was left feeling guilty, wondering if she betrayed the wrong person. Read on for the story and see what you think.

  • 02

    AITA for lying to my family so I don't have to help my sick grandmother?

    I (30F) was asked to help my grandma move from her old house into a 1 bedroom apartment in a senior community. She is in her 80s, not in great health, and her house is about to be condemned by the city because she didn't take care of it over the decades.
    via u/Ok_Bodybuilder42
  • 03
    She's also an a h le whom I haven't spoken to in over a decade because she abused and neglected my father so bad that he now has severe mental and physical health conditions that are directly caused from her mistreatment of him during his childhood and adolescent years.
    via u/Ok_Bodybuilder42
  • 04
    Anyway, my mom asked me to help move my grandma and I vaguely agreed that I would show up this weekend to help out. The only reason I said yes is because it was my mom that was asking.
    via u/Ok_Bodybuilder42
  • 05
    HOWEVER, I have just now flat out lied to my mom feigning a "pet emergency" so I don't have to travel and help move my grandma in. I am scared that I made the wrong choice and was just being selfish because I didn't want to involve myself with that side of the family. Even still, she's still an old lady who needs help.
    via u/Ok_Bodybuilder42
  • 06
    Am I the a hole for refusing to help and lying to my mom about it? My mom and I have talked in depth over the years about why I don't involve myself in family matters. My mom knew that I don't like my grandma and rightfully so. Even SHE doesn't like the woman. My mom has told me stories about how my grandma told my dad to leave my mom while she was pregnant with me. My grandmother was also not shy about showing me how much she disliked me because I was simply my mother's daughter.
    via u/Ok_Bodybuilder42
  • 07
    My mom got mad and told me to just stay home and don't bother trying. And I agreed. I felt great in the moment but now I'm just sitting at home relaxing into my sofa with nothing to do but feel guilty. This is why I don't involve myself with family affairs. I have enough issues on my own. AITA?
    via u/Ok_Bodybuilder42
  • 08

    Commenters weighed in on if they thought she was to blame.

    Hefty-Wrongdoer6282 . 20h ago Sorry, YTA. 1. You said you'd do it, then backed out at the last minute. It's bad enough to back out for a real emergency, but you lied about it. 2. You are doing it for your MOM, not your grandmother.
    via u/Hefty-Wrongdoer6282
  • 09
    If you didn't want to do this favor for your mom, that's okay, just don't agree to it and let her think she can count on you. Would you like your mom to do that to you????
    via u/Hefty-Wrongdoer6282
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    Livat 86 WAIT
    via Mathias Reding

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    4aregard 20h ago • Little bit. You said you'd come, which was your mistake. If you weren't going to go be there to help, then you say no, right at the start. That's the a h le part. The other part is something you should think about more. WHY did your mother ask you? Did she ask you because she relies on you? (In which case, you have disappointed her.) Did she ask you because she undertook this
    via u/4aregard
  • 12
    task out of a sense of duty to a rotten old woman who needed help, and she would have loved to have you as the only bright spot in the day? (In which case...) Or did she ask you because she didn't want to have to do it, and she was shoving the job off on you? Those are very different reasons. It's one thing to be _done_ with nasty grandma. It's another to undermine your former good relationship with your mother.
    via u/4aregard
  • 13
    Meriadoxm 20h ago . YTA for lying. Don't want to help your grandma then don't, can't blame you there. It's your mom's choice to help her. But don't lie to your parents and say you'll help when you won't.
    via u/Meriadoxm
  • 14
    Aunt_Anne 20h ago YTA, but not to that 80 y/o lady who you loath. YTA to your mom who is going to have to do all the storm without your help. That 80 y/o grandmother isn't going to lift a thing to pack a box or move a TV. That's going to be your mom doing all the work. Now go help your mom.
    via u/Aunt_Anne
  • 15
    Imaginary-Glove1329 20h ago • My Mom's mom was a wretched toxic person (grandfather too). Never babysat me, called us slurs for not being "pure" and fat shamed me. By the time I was a young teen I had enough and told my family I was done with them, I was no longer tolerating it.
    via u/Imaginary-Glove1329
  • 16
    Well obviously people get old and sick. My Mom was running around like a mad man and what I did, I did to honor my Mom. It had zero to do with helping those people. It was respecting my Mom and helping her work through her grief as she went through it, also as she never fully dealt with her ab e.
    via u/Imaginary-Glove1329
  • 17
    I understand it was not your Dad asking, but sometimes it's your Mom just wanting support and someone else who understands how she feels. Like side eyeing things people kept or laughing at ridiculous collections. Those are the bonding moments you remember.
    via u/Imaginary-Glove1329
  • 18
    Edit, this included me taking in a pet that I was fully able to so my Mom could still visit with it and I didn't mind. You just do what you need to do.
    via u/Imaginary-Glove1329
  • 19
    ImTVFilmNerd • 20h ago INFO: How does your father feel about this? Is your father helping her move? If so, yes, you should have helped your parents. You'd be doing it to help your parents, not for your grandmother.
    via u/ImTVFilmNerd
  • 20
    Ok_Bodybuilder42 OP ⚫ 20h ago . No my father isn't helping. It's just my mom. My dad is actually looking into lawyers because my aunt (his sister) was the one that started the move in the first place by declaring herself caregiver and power of attorney right after hiring an appraiser for my grandmas house.
    via u/Ok_Bodybuilder42
  • 21
    My dad doesn't to be involved at all but knows that something is fishy and he just wants to make sure that he isn't going to be saddled with a 30K+ loan because of something his sister is forcing my grandma to do. Yeah my grandma is old and needs to get to a better housing situation, but even SHE doesn't want to move and is only doing it reluctantly because my mom and aunt have started packing up her things
    via u/Ok_Bodybuilder42
  • 22
    pjilca69 19h ago . YTA. You should have acted like an adult and told your mom in the first place, so she could ask someone else. Now you left her shorthanded.
    via u/pjilca69
  • 23
    ShiggitySheesh 20h ago • You're not ever required to do anything you don't want to do. NTA for not going. But YTA for lying to your mom. Just stand on your decision and say no, and if they try to guilt, you don't let them. It's much better to be honest with your intentions and be brutally honest.
    via u/ShiggitySheesh
  • 24
    hellouterus • 18h ago I'm going to go with a very light, gentle YTA because she's YOUR grandmother, and by you feigning your pet emergency you have stuck your poor mum with all the work instead. Your mum is totally justified in being irritated with you, even if the pet emergency HAD been real.
    via u/hellouterus
  • 25
    Indigo_3786 .18h ago YTA for lying to your mom. Telling her no would have been hard for her to hear, but lying to her only protects your feelings. Now you're on Reddit asking strangers to absolve you of feeling guilty.
    via u/Indigo_3786
  • 26
    I am a believer in treating people with the same consideration you'd want to be shown. That means learning how to say difficult things. You muffed this one up. Learn and do better.
    via u/Indigo_3786

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aita entitled parents AITAH generational money problems moms reddit story family feud parenting trauma generations family grandparents reddit thread daughter Reddit money
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