27-year-old expecting father asks his 25-year-old ex-girlfriend to play a role in his babies life, his family asks her to be a mother-figure: 'They don't want to be left dealing with the actual mother'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Apr 17, 2025 8:00 PM EDT

One of the only great things about breakups is that you're really not culturally expected to maintain a friendship with that person. You could have spent every day with them for years, and if they break up with you, you have every right to literally never talk to them again. I have been friends with exes, and I know a lot of people who have prosperous friendships with exes, but maintaing that relationship can be a real hassle. There's so much baggage that you don't have in a normal friendship, and so many things you can't talk about as you would with a friend you've never dated. Also, it's so much easier to slip back into the same old dynamic if you maintain contact with someone that you've severed romantic ties with. For some people who can't move on, that's a feature. For most people, that would be a bug. 

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  • The woman in this story has been asked to do the impossible: be a mother figure in the life of a baby that her ex-boyfriend fathered with a woman while they were on a break. She's under so much pressure from him and his family to do so, but luckily, she's not budging.

  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10495339264
    via Chris

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 02

    AITA for yelling that I have nothing to do with my ex's unborn child because I am not the mother

    I (25f) was in an on and off again casual relationship with Jeremy (27m) for over 4 years. What I mean by that is we were never seriously dating but we were exclusive. So no sleeping with others and that wasn't because we were planning to be together at the end but to reduce the risk of STDs or pregnancies and paternity questioning.
    via u/Ezzilyxi
  • 03
    I had met his family a few times. They liked me but I wasn't around them very much. Kinda the point of being casual and everything.
    via u/Ezzilyxi
  • 04
    Cheezburger Image 10495344640
    via Adrian Appalsamy

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 05
    Feelings did develop near the end of our on and off again period and we broke up for real for 6 months. He told me he didn't want it to end. I wasn't sure he was serious enough about making a serious relationship work. I told him that. I was open
    via u/Ezzilyxi
  • 06
    to one but some of his actions made me doubt. Four months ago he came to me and told me he had worked on himself and he was ready to be a true partner. We talked it out and we got back together for real this time. I spent some time around his family this time and we talked about the future and our goals.
    via u/Ezzilyxi
  • 07
    Two months into our serious relationship his ex (from before the start of our original relationship) announced she was pregnant and that the two of them had slept together while he and I were broken up for the 6 month period. He didn't deny it
    via u/Ezzilyxi
  • 08
    Cheezburger Image 10495343872
    via Anastasiia Chepinska

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 09
    but he said he didn't want her. It was blowing off steam one weekend and how he was still committed to me and there would be nobody else ever because I was it for him. I told him I didn't want to be involved in a baby thing. That he was having a kid and I wasn't and I was out.
    via u/Ezzilyxi
  • 10
    Since that point he has repeatedly tried to get me to change my mind. The mother of his child has tried to talk to me so she can yell about how unfair it is. And his family have begged me to come back, that they love me and never
    via u/Ezzilyxi
  • 11
    liked her and how he and the baby need me and they need me and they don't want to be left dealing with the actual mother and how good of a mom I would be.
    via u/Ezzilyxi
  • 12
    I was blocking people all over the place. But in the end I lost my temper and I set up a group chat with all of them on a different number and yelled in a voice message that I am not the mother of my ex's unborn child and therefore I have nothing to do with this baby or the situation
    via u/Ezzilyxi
  • 13
    and I won't take him back, I won't have anything to do with this and if telling them all in one place needed to happen then here it was. I stayed in the group for a few hours before growing tired of the mother of the child being outraged that I would speak to her like that, where my ex was pleading and saying I couldn't
    via u/Ezzilyxi
  • 14
    dump him when he didn't cheat and his family saying how unfair I was being and how needed I was. Now I kinda regret doing it because I wonder if they'll actually leave me alone or still look for ways to contact me and it might be more pissy than before. AITA?
    via u/Ezzilyxi
  • 15
    Welshie_Fan Totally NTA. Not your circus, not your monkeys. Just go no contact with everyone at this point.
    via u/Welshie_Fan
  • 16
    steveballsballs NTA. You're not responsible for cleaning up someone else's mess just because they suddenly decided you'd be the "better option." You set a boundary... stick to it. Let them deal with the consequences of their choices.
    via u/steveballsballs
  • 17
    Anna-Joz-2004 Exactly this. You're not a backup plan, and you're definitely not there to clean up chaos you didn't create. If setting a boundary makes you the 'bad guy/gal,' then so be it, at least you've got peace of mind. Actions have consequences, and it's about time they faced theirs instead of dumping it on you.
    via u/Anna-Joz-2004
  • 18
    BasicRabbit4 Exactly. He wants to be serious now bc his life is changing, and he's scared he's not going to have anyone to push his responsibilities onto if op isn't around. He had 4 years to commit to OP and didn't. Now that he's having a baby, suddenly OP is what he wants? The timing is suspect. Nta.
    via u/BasicRabbit4
  • 19
    Ok-Somewhere911 Absolutely NTA and what is wrong with his family? Telling you what an amazing mother you'd be? That baby has a mother and it's not you, absolutely wild that they're hoping you'll just what? Swoop in and take over as mommy because they don't like the actual mother?
    via u/Ok-Somewhere911
  • 20
    I don't really understand why his ex is ped at you though, surely she should be happy you're stepping away so he can focus on his child? Whatever the case these people are all you're far better off without them in your life. nuts and
    via u/Ok-Somewhere911
  • 21
    Ezzilyxi OP I think there's a few things at play with her. The fact he wants to be with me still. The fact his attention is more on me and getting me back. Plus she seems to know his family likes me more. It could even be the fact I was there in the first place and then chose to leave. But her issues with me were wild considering I'm not in the picture now. I took myself out of it. That baby will have some experiences with all these adults around them. I feel bad for the child who'll be put in t
    via u/Ezzilyxi
  • 22
    Exotic-Scallion4475 All you have to say to the bf is, "I'm just not that into you. This whole situation and the drama hasn't helped, but it's you. This is not about my being mad about cheating, because we were on a break, so no worries there. I'm simply not interested in a relationship with you anymore. I truly wish you all the best."
    via u/Exotic-Scallion4475
  • 23
    Winter-Rest-1674 NTA girl would be playing mother while the bio mom is out living her best life, the dad is still acting like he don't have a child and the family would be gaslighting you about how you need to step up more and be more involved. I am glad you saved yourself the headache. Do not go back.
    via u/Winter-Rest-1674
  • 24
    Ezzilyxi OP Exactly. Besides even if I was just his partner I can imagine there'd be some drama with the ex and that would be a headache alone that I never want to deal with.
    via u/Ezzilyxi
  • 25
    Cold_Strategy_1420 She is already causing you drama.
    via u/Cold_Strategy_1420
  • 26
    MorticianMolly You'll be the caregiver tuesday nights and every other weekend. He'll be constantly on call because the baby mama will always have some sort of crisis or another. That'll be your life. Oh, and he'll be contributing less to the family expenses due to child support.
    via u/MorticianMolly
  • 27
    Ok_Childhood_9774 NTA, and you were smart to tap out of this shitshow early on. Though I'm not sure why his ex wants you involved with their baby? Seems odd to me. Is she giving up custody?
    via u/Ok_Childhood_9774
  • 28
    Ezzilyxi OP I think she's not upset about me getting out but the fact my ex and his family want me back in.
    via u/Ezzilyxi

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boyfriend baby ex girlfriend casual dating bad parenting ex boyfriend relationships bad parents girlfriend exes pregnant parent casual parents dating Parenting FAILS
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